fustrated already Christmas need help please read

[bigsis1970]

OH Man , here is the big deal in my family at the moment .. Christmas !!! my kids end up with 5 Christmas gatherings in the 3 days surrounding the holiday . they are Mine, their Dad's, His Parents , My Parents and my Grammie. alot I know -- its like overload trust me .. my kids are DS 8 and DD turning 11 in a few weeks .. problem is my parents -- they moved about 18 months ago 2 hours north of us (and the rest of our family) and are planning their company party for Christmas EVE !!! UH hello that is Grammie's Christmas and has been for the last 34 (well that is how long i have been alive ) years!!! oh well they decided that they would come to my Gram's on the 18th the weekend before -- What you want Gram to have 2 parties?? -- YEP .. well maybe that will work out but I still have to cram 4 into 2 days .. so I will be picking up kids at my ex-mother in laws on x-mas eve so kids can have x-mas morning at my house then my Dad thinks i should drive up (mind you 2 hours away) to their house for Christmas day and go back home sunday (and i have to go into work Monday as i have used all my paid time off ) and them my ex gets his turn .. ARE YOU NUTS is what i think -- because they are still my parents but this isn't going to work.. so I invited/ offered/ suggested we do christmas at my house on christmas day and my mom said Nah don't think so - dad wouldn't like it ! then i say well i don't think i can get there till the following weekend (NYE weekend) and she says well I guess !!!! HELLOOOOOOOOO what is going on.. i am the one who has to get the kids to 5 Christmas and they are not willing to do what is helpful to me (its just the 2 of them) and my poor Gram is really upset that is really the only time she get all her kids/grandkids/great-grandkids all together as some have moved away (different towns/states ) but we all know that you'd better be coming home to Gram's for Christmas eve .. Plus this is going to be a harder christmas for her anyway because my grandfather passes away in April this year..
And don't get me wrong my parents are great !! I have had to move back home with both kids and they have lent me $$ when i needed it they helped me get my car they love me and my kids bunches so i just don't get it !!!
Sorry this is more a rant i guess but any helpful advise would be nice.. Thanks Michelle (Sorry Pop Daddy extra long post )

 

[Serena]

Oh wow! Holidays are stressful enough without all that.

My solution was to have one big, pitch in party for everyone, instead of 3 parties. My house is small, but we managed and it was nice and relaxing, well for them anyway.
It made things so much easier on everyone.

Is it possible someone could house everyone? Would your families cooperate?

 

[WDSearcher]

If they're going to be at your Gram's on the 18th, why not just celebrate with them then? Your kids will get two parties with Grammie, your parents will have more private time with your family than if you're running all over the place on Christmas Eve, your kids will be happier and Christmas celebrations will be more spread out and special to them, and you'll stay relatively sane.

If your parents say "no" to this plan, then I'd tell them, "OK ... I'll bring the kids up to see you after the new year then, and we can celebrate in January."

I know they're your parents, but it's your family and your Christmas too.

 

[decker96]

My advice is do what you want and what works out best for your kids. If you can't make it up to your parents on Christmas Eve, you can't. It's as simple as that. Especially since you're divorced and trying to organize twice as many Christmases. Personally, I think your parents are being selfish to expect you to pack up and go there when you already have so many other committments which they are very familiar with.
When my husband and I got married, we had to decide what to do about holidays. My parents and his parents live 8 hours from each other. The first Christmas we were married we drove up to his parents house the day before Christmas Eve (4 hours from our house). We celebrated with them on Christmas Eve and then got up early on Christmas Day and drove to my parent's house. We got there around 4 and celebrated with them. The next day we drove home (2 hours). I absolutely hated it, it wasn't relaxing at all and I didn't feel like I even enjoyed my Christmas. And there was no way I was doing that once we had kids!
So we told them that we would be switching off holidays from now on. One year it would be Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other. Whoever's house we aren't at for Christmas we get to the following weekend. The next year it switches.
They all complained about it at first, but they got over it. It works out great and my younger sister has even organized her Thanksgiving schedule so it's the same as ours (she lives in the same town as my parents and 15 min from her in-laws, so Christmas isn't an issue for her). My SIL thanked me because they could now go to her DH family's for Thanksgiving sometimes (MIL used to guilt trip her if they would want to go to SIL's DH's parents).
It's hard when you're dealing with parents, I know, but you have to do what's best for you.

 

[poohtown]

i feel your pain because we go to two seperate houses Christmas Eve, then two more on Christmas day. My BIL and his family were smart because they told both sets of parents they would alternate holidays. One year it's Thanksgiving for parents, Christmas for in-laws then next year opposite. I would tell your parents that it's just too much. Especially in Maine were a snow storm can set you back days at a time. I like the idea of them coming to your house. We did that last year because I finally told everybody it wasn't fair to 'our family' that we had to leave the house Christmas Day every year. I think everyone had a good time. good luck.

 

[bigsis1970]

Yea thats it I will pray for Snow and not have to go anyplace..

well we do switch off kind of.. my ex has a big family gathering (like 80-100 people ) for Thanksgiving which he travels an hour to get to .. I like him take the kids as these are relativies on his side that don't see them except for then. Then later in the day I go and pick them up from the gather (i am up to my mom's already so its an hour down from her place ) and the ex goes off hunting for the rest of the Thanksgiving weekend and we(kids and I) go back to my mom's for the weekend.

and we do (when together and even now seperated) at Christmas so that I get them Christmas eve day to go to Gram's and bring them to him for Christmas eve with his parents that night then he brings them back to me so they can have Christmas Morning in their own house ******* oh but wait there might be a monkey wrench with that this year as the kids now live one week with me and one week with him so the have 2 real houses!!!! ******OH anyway they wake up christmas am at my house and we do the santa presents thing and later in the day (before my parents moved we went there ) I will give them to my ex again so they can have christmas with him I just don't have time to fit my Parents in .. what a horrible feeling !!!
I am going to see them this weekend I will make these 2 suggestions one being -- they can come down to my house on Christmas day (I will let ex have them overnight x-mas eve and get them back later on x-mas morning ) for dinner and presents or two we can do our christmas together either the weekend before at my Gram's when they come down or the weekend after when I come up.
I imagine it will go over like a fart in church !!