Funny Emails

[Night-train]

Reading UKdeb's thread 'Soap Opera' reminded me of an email I had been sent some time ago and prompted me to go search for it and share it with all of you. Allegedly, the information in it comes from the maintainence records of a well-known Australian airline and is, according to the originator of the email, 100% genuine!! The nervous flyers among you may want to give this a miss!! Ok, here goes, to help you understand, 'P' denotes the problem as logged by the pilots and 'S' denotes the solution or action taken by maintainence engineers;

P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacing.
S - Left inside main tyre almost replaced.

P - Test flight ok, except autoland very rough.
S - Autoland is not installed on this aircraft!

P - #2 Propellor seeping prop fluid.
S - #2 Propellor seepage normal - #1, #3 & #4propellors lack normal seepage.

P - Something loose in cockpit.
S - Something tightened in cockpit.

P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S - Evidence removed.

P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
S - DME volume set to more believable level.

P - Dead bugs on windshield.
S - Live bugs placed on backorder!

P - Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200ft per minute descent.
S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground!

P - IFF inoperative.
S - IFF always inoperative in 'off' mode!

P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S - That's what they're there for!!

P - Aircraft handles funny.
S - Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P - Target radar hums.
S - Target radar reprogrammed with words!

Hope you managed to get a chuckle or two out of that!! It's been quite some time since I first read it but it still creases me up yet!!

Anyone flying to Australia soon!!

 

[KayleeUK]

LOL Nope on the way to Oz anytime soon.

 

[UKDEB]

This is one of my favourites. I keep it in my Inbox and read it if I need cheering up! My absolute favourite, though, is the Flight Announcements one recorded at Heathrow and Gatwick. It wouldn't work here because you need sound and anyway, it's not really totally suitable for 'family' boards. If anyone wants it, send me your email address!

 

[Night-train]

I'll take alook at it please! Click 'my profile' at the bottom of my post to email.

 

[jockey]

Love the Flight announcements, they are soooooo funny!! Have sent you my e mail address if you wouldn't mind sending it to me, I deleted mine by accident a while ago!!

 

[Miffy2003]

LOL Night train!!!!!

Deb - i've sent you a PM

 

[UKDEB]

Jill and Karen - I've sent it to you.

Night-train. Clicking on your profile brings up a DIS form to email you and doesn't show your email address. If it's possible to attach a document, I haven't worked out how to do it, so PM me your email addy.

 

[jockey]

Thanks Deb - it's had me in stitches all morning!!!

 

[Penny12]

Originally posted by Night-train

P - Aircraft handles funny.
S - Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

This is my favourite one