Funeral question

[Deb Quen of Colorado]

A good friends dad just passed away. It's out of state so I can't attend but I'd like to send flowers, just not sure what is the right way to do it.
Do you send them to the house or to the funeral home or to the church?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Contact the funeral home. They will direct you.

 

[Deb Quen of Colorado]

Thanks! I think I am just so used to the obit says in lieu of flowers... that it just struck me that I don't know what to do with flowers.

 

[61292cna]

If your friend is into plants or gardening, please consider a live plant they can keep as a memorial to their dad.

 

[golfgal]

I would skip the flowers and do a donation to a charity in the Dad's name. We asked for that when my mom passed away and we still got several flower donations. The problem was what to do with them when it was all over. If you want to do flowers, send a plant vs a floral arrangement. Maybe send a Christmas themed arrangement if you want to go that route so they can do something with it after the funeral.

 

[NAB]

I would skip the flowers and do a donation to a charity in the Dad's name. We asked for that when my mom passed away and we still got several flower donations. The problem was what to do with them when it was all over. If you want to do flowers, send a plant vs a floral arrangement. Maybe send a Christmas themed arrangement if you want to go that route so they can do something with it after the funeral.

You can leave them in the church, or send them to the hospital or old age home so they have flowers, just take the tags and cards off. These place love flowers. The funeral home can help you direct those flowers too if the family wishes.

 

[Anna114]

Theres something to be said for sending something to the house for "after the fact" I lost both parents within 3 months last year. My office sent a basket of cookies, tea etc. After the funeral it was nice to have a little something in the house. After my Mom's they sent me a gift card for a local dinner so we could get out and not think about cooking the next day. I am also a fan of send a bouquet of roses to the funeral home. Since they are in a vase someone needs to take them home and they are a nice remembrance, at least for a short time.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

When a co-worker's mom died, I sent a terrarium. She noticed it immediately and made sure to bring it home and replant the different plants that were in there. She said it brings a smile to her face and she thinks fondly of her mom.

 

[Agri]

Pick out a potted plant/terrarium and pay for a really nice surprise delivery meal for her and her family. When you lose someone, in addition to the grief there is so much paperwork and running around to do that being able to relax and eat a good meal is very difficult.

If there is anything that you can think of that makes your friend remember a happy memory of her father, try to do something with that, too.

Flowers are nice, but *everyone* will be doing that and if its a close friend, you can do something more than that even if you are not local.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

When SIL passed away - a couple of days after the funeral her BFF called the local pizza parlor and ordered us a boat load of food. She took a shot that I wasn't cooking that night and she was right.

It was the most thoughtful gesture that anyone did for us.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I will be the dissenter on the potted plant suggestion. I do not like plants and tend to kill them. We got a big potted arrangement when FIL died and I had to tend to them and felt guilty letting them die and throwing them away. I would much prefer flowers.

 

[tvguy]

Pick out a potted plant/terrarium and pay for a really nice surprise delivery meal for her and her family. When you lose someone, in addition to the grief there is so much paperwork and running around to do that being able to relax and eat a good meal is very difficult.

If there is anything that you can think of that makes your friend remember a happy memory of her father, try to do something with that, too.

Flowers are nice, but *everyone* will be doing that and if its a close friend, you can do something more than that even if you are not local.

Another big no vote on potted plants. They are a burden, and will remain a burden for years (or decades to come) not a comfort. My wife is constantly keeping up the potted plants were were sent when her mom passed away 11 years ago. It's like a guilt trip, because she associates those with her mom, and doesn't want them to die too. A nice card and a donation to any charity probably would be a more suitable rememberance.

 

[BEloveDisney]

I would send flowers to the funeral home. When my son died, someone sent us a live plant which has since died. It felt like I couldn't keep my son alive and couldn't keep his plant alive either. I really appreciated the brightly colored ones. My son was very young so maybe if it were an adult brightly colored flowers wouldn't be appropriate.

 

[maraki527]

When a co workers Brother died we went a Honeybaked ham meal to the house for the family.

 

[golfgal]

You can leave them in the church, or send them to the hospital or old age home so they have flowers, just take the tags and cards off. These place love flowers. The funeral home can help you direct those flowers too if the family wishes.

The church could only keep so many of the arrangements and the nursing homes in the area asked the churches to stop sending the arrangements because they were getting 100's each week. It is a nice gesture but when EVERYONE does it, it gets overwhelming.

 

[Deb Quen of Colorado]

Lots of interesting ideas and opinions!

My gut instinct is to just send flowers... but I like the holiday centerpiece idea and maybe a ham. I only met him once and the obit says nothing about a charity to donate to... not sure what would mean something to them.
My friend will go home tomorrow and stay until after new years. I am feeding her son and husband 1 night (what she asked for) while they are here and she can't be. I know it is a LARGE family and very supportive of each other so I don't have any worries they'll be alone. They also have a strong church family to lean on.

 

[minniebeth]

Everyone is going to have a different suggestion because everyone is different and has different preferences. My mom passed away 3 weeks ago and we live in a different state than she did. We had a lot of travelling to do back and forth in the weeks before and after her death. A dear friend had some meals ready for us when we arrived back into town along with some staples like milk, and eggs. It was so appreciated!

We also got a plant that is pretty and my DD likes watering it, taking care of it in her grandmother's memory.

Life goes on very quickly for everyone surrounding the family, but the hole in their hearts is left behind, (you are so busy during that time but it's like a holiday letdown when all the busy-ness is done) so to do something after the fact is appreciated.

OP, sorry for the loss of your friend's dad...

 

[Cheshire Figment]

If it is a Jewish funeral you should not send flowers.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Everyone is going to have a different suggestion because everyone is different and has different preferences. My mom passed away 3 weeks ago and we live in a different state than she did. We had a lot of travelling to do back and forth in the weeks before and after her death. A dear friend had some meals ready for us when we arrived back into town along with some staples like milk, and eggs. It was so appreciated!

We also got a plant that is pretty and my DD likes watering it, taking care of it in her grandmother's memory.

Life goes on very quickly for everyone surrounding the family, but the hole in their hearts is left behind, (you are so busy during that time but it's like a holiday letdown when all the busy-ness is done) so to do something after the fact is appreciated.

OP, sorry for the loss of your friend's dad...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Bren's Mom]

If it were a friend's dad, and I wasn't close to the dad himself, I'd send an Edible Arrangements to the friend's home.