Funeral Expenses

[4HOLIDAYS]

I am looking for info on selecting a funeral home and transporting the remains of my father to another state. In this case it is Fla to PA. My father passed today and the only thing we have for sure is a family plot up north. My mother isn't in the best shape, they had 52 yrs together and she does not know what to do without him. I dont want her being taken advantage of or having anyone trying to pressure her into purchases items or ending up with unnecessary fees.

Does anyone have suggestions on how to select a funeral home? What types of fees they charge? Do we make transportation arrangements with the local funeral home or the one up north? Do airlines do bereavement fairs still? If so, how do you get it. My mother wants to be sure there are no slip ups with the casket. Are we able to take the same flight? Anything we should be aware of when dealing with these businesses?

I have no idea where to start. Any advice is very much appreciated.

 

[verleniahall]

#1 question - is your father military??

If so, there are more things to do becuase you would be entiltied to a military service

 

[NinaBella]

I have recently been researching the funeral industry from a business perspective. Is your mother against cremation? If not, I would choose a very basic cremation in Florida and then take the ashes to PA. Many people do not want cremation, so I figure we better clarify first. Of if your mom is remaining in FL, no need to take ashes anywhere.

Most funeral homes and funeral services are way overpriced and make a large profit. Transporting your dad back to PA is going to be expensive. If your mom is going to remain in FL then she is not going to be visiting his grave, so I would say why take him to PA if she is going to be in FL. My mom lives in the same town where my brother is buried and she rarely visits his grave. Funerals are about making the family feel better.

Funeral homes do up-sell. So they may make her feel the need to purchase extras she does not need.

I am also retired military (HR career field). If he was military, you would need his DD Form 214 for any burial benefits.

Some airlines still do bereavement fare. I dealt with this with my military troops. Most airlines require you pay full price up front, then provide the death certificate for a partial refund. Check with the airline first as some do not do it at all, and others the discount varies.

Local funeral home should work with the Northern funeral home, but then you are paying for two funeral home services. If he is not already at a funeral home and you want to take him to PA, try to get it scheduled from the hospital to the funeral home in PA so you don't have to pay a FL funeral home anything.

 

[nightmaremama]

I am so sorry for your loss. I actually work in the funeral industry and while I do not have any specific recommendations as far as firms I would suggest that you call and speak with some local to where your father will be buried. Funeral homes are required to give you pricing information over the phone. You will be dealing with fees from the funeral home in PA and whichever funeral home handles the necessary arrangements in FL. There will also be airline charges, which vary greatly depending on the airline.

I do just recommend talking with several firms to try to get an understanding of how they do business and will care for your family- this is such a delicate time that you need to feel comfortable with the who you will be working with.

I wish your family the best.

 

[4HOLIDAYS]

Not military, wished to be buried in family plot. No interest in cremation at all. It was his only wish to be buried back in his home town with his parents at their family plot. He lost them when he was in his early 20's and always told us this. My mom wants to be cremated then buried in an urn in the plot next to him.

I know she wants a simple casket for him. He was 6' and 250lbs- will he fit in aregular casket? Afraid that will be an area they try to upsell.

Glad to see they are required to give info over the phone. That will help narrow it down.

We also have the church for the service and obit info and such.

 

[NinaBella]

Not military, wished to be buried in family plot. No interest in cremation at all. It was his only wish to be buried back in his home town with his parents at their family plot. He lost them when he was in his early 20's and always told us this. My mom wants to be cremated then buried in an urn in the plot next to him.

I know she wants a simple casket for him. He was 6' and 250lbs- will he fit in aregular casket? Afraid that will be an area they try to upsell.

Glad to see they are required to give info over the phone. That will help narrow it down.

We also have the church for the service and obit info and such.

Sorry for you loss.

 

[nightmaremama]

He should have no problem fitting into a regular casket. One thing that will come up is that he will need to be transported in a casket with a tray specific for airline transport or a shipping container and purchasing a casket once you arrive in PA. Any good director will show you your options for caskets but let your family choose what is best for you- but there is such a wide range of options from material to design- there should be simple options available in metal or wood. I'm sure they will discuss how higher end caskets seal or how certain metals last longer, but you do not have to choose those at all.

I would also reach out to the cemetery where the family plot is located and discuss any fees they may have. Many cemeteries have opening and closing fees that are often not paid for before the time of need- but you would need to talk to them to find out. You will most likely have to purchase some sort of outer burial container or vault- but this can be simple as well. Sometimes the cemetery sells these- sometimes the funeral home does.

My best advice when it comes to the arranging and worrying about being up sold is to take your time- don't let them rush you into decisions- they shouldn't- but just know that you can take the time you need.

 

[nightmaremama]

I'm sorry, you also asked for bereavement rates on airlines- some still do, but it's not much at all- the last time I had to fly for a family death it was cheaper to fly southwest the day of than the bereavement rate with delta. You have to call and they will ask for the information of the funeral home and the name of the person who has passed away.

 

[missbrooke06]

All funeral homes are businesses that want to make money but the good ones won't take advantage. What you'll be shown is the more expensive stuff thst they make money on- be clear if it's out of your budget and a respectable place will go through the less pricey options.

It's not Wal-Mart - they keep the "cheap" stuff in the back.

 

[4HOLIDAYS]

Thanks for all this info. It really helps.

 

[Melissa_E]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently went through something very similar. My father died in Colorado and we moved him to Connecticut.

First, you need a death certificate and a permit to transport. A funeral home will take care of this for you. My father was shipped air freight via Southwest, the funeral home took care of these arrangements. Don't book your own tickets until you are sure that a permit has been filed. Not only will you need to select a funeral home in FLA, you'll need one in PA.

To help keep costs down, you can purchase your own casket and have it shipped to the receiving funeral home in PA. According to Federal law, the funeral home must allow you to do this. We bought my father's from Costco. It was an easy process and the casket was terrific.

My father's funeral costs were $7000+ the casket was an additional $1600 and that included shipping.

 

[kymom99]

I would ask for recommendations from trusted friends or family members. In my family for example, everyone uses the same funeral home. It helps to know that others have felt comfortable with a certain business.

 

[mjkacmom]

My mom's costs were $9000, which included a one day wake, funeral, cremation, burial. I knew the owner of the funeral home (and he knew my mom very well). There was absolutely no pressure. We only ran her obituary one day, because it was pretty expensive (my dad has plenty of money, but I know she wouldn't have wanted him to incur the expense).

 

[ajwolfe]

I would ask for recommendations from trusted friends or family members. In my family for example, everyone uses the same funeral home. It helps to know that others have felt comfortable with a certain business.

I'm sorry for your loss. I agree with the above. Ask around and see who uses what funeral home. Or depending on the size of the town there may only be a couple choices anyways. The local funeral home we used for both of my parents helped us with all the logistics and didn't try to upsell us on anything. Finding someone good to work with will make the process a little easier for you all.
If memory serves my mom's funeral was in the $11,000 range and my father's was in the $12,000 range. We went fairly mid range on all things.

 

[descovy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dad a month ago. He was on vacation in his RV in AZ but lived in WA.

Contact the funeral home where you want him burried. They can handle the arrangements between them and the local funeral home.

In our instance the funeral home in WA contacted a funeral home where my dad died in AZ. AZ took care of the death certificate and we pay the WA funeral home.

In our instance my dad was cremated. So I can't help about the casket. $800 cremation and wanted $150 to transport remains to WA.

 

[tvguy]

To the OP: I would ask friends and neighbors who have dealt with a loss for their recommendations.

To everyone else who is reading this thread, my mom put together a written list for for me decades before she passed away and it was so unbelievably helpful. Once a year she would pull out her notes and take 5 minutes to review them with me. It can be uncomfortable to do, and it can be uncomfortable to review, but just do it. Also, I would NOT recommend pre-paying for a funeral, we had a bad experience with my wife's Grandparents doing that, basically it ended up only paying for one of the funerals. And be prepared for the unexpected. My mom's request was no services except grave side services, and ONLY if we wanted them. She was interred with my father in a National Cemetery that no longer allows grave side services.

 

[Pumbaa_]

We lost my Dad while he was in FL. There was a local (to us) funeral home the family has used for generations. I called my local funeral home and they handled EVERYTHING! It was a blessing. They were my single point of contact to handle everything from shipping him home to paying the FL to make the arrangements

Confirm w Mom if she really wants to send him to PA. If she remains in FL, will she regret not having him close by?

 

[KJF]

What area in PA are you looking to go to? We just went through it here with my mom & we also know someone at another home. I can give recommendations depending on your area.

 

[ibob52]

My mother isn't in the best shape, they had 52 yrs together and she does not know what to do without him.

After my Dad passed (while he was in a hospice) my Mom did well (under the circumstances)

with the Help of a *grief counselor* .. I mentioned the hospice because the *grief counselor*

was part of the services offered by the hospice.

 

[4HOLIDAYS]

Thanks for all this help and advise, I truly appreciate it.

My mom was able to find a recommendation for the funeral home in PA, near Bethlehem. We are using them and feel comfortable with all the info they have provided us. We know which church is connected with cemetery for any services, will be small. So happy we had the plots. They were bought back in the 30's and the two for my parents are the last of the group to be used.

We decided to order a casket online and have it shipped here to the funeral home and had known not to tell them until we had prices for everything else. Needless to say the guy was kind of snippy when he realized it, kept saying how it is not his fault if it comes in damaged. That made me nervous that he might pull something. I told him I would be happy to meet the freight truck and inspect at delivery but he said we couldn't-not allowed at facility but it is being sent to the chappel not where the embalming happens so I fail to see the problem. I am currently planning on trying to do it anyway as the courier will be in touch with me when leaving the airport. It looked like he had the exact same one-I am pretty sure it was- for 2995, whereas we paid 1295 plus 250 for next day ship and delivery.

When he found out he started to try and tell us that those prices he quoted were for doing an entire package, but we had both heard him say over the phone that we could do the casket here in Fla or in PA so that the price would be the same. He stopped at that point but again, made me a little nervous. At one point he said he would need to ck on the airline liner fee,because we were getting an oversized coffin(my mom wanted my dad to have some"wiggle room") but as it fits a standard vault I told him the info I ck said it would fit. Again, he had nothing else to say on the topic. My mom was clueless to all this but my DS17 even could tell what was happening.

We ck'd prices about the transport costs, so that seems like there should be no difference. Now we are waiting for the death certs, time table from church for the service and will then start on airfare.

Is there anything I am missing? What do you normally tip/ donate to the church for the service? How about headstones? These are the large upright kind. That is done through the funeral home/or church? Anything to be aware of?