Friends lost their 1 month old daughter

[TINKTWINS]

Not long ago we had to attend a funeral for an infant It was the saddest thing in the world, they burried the baby in the blanket I had made for him. So so sad There was a viewing of him, very difficult to do. If they have another child, maybe something for him/her. I will occasionally send something over to the big sis of the little boy.

 

[Kitty 34]

How sad. {{{{HUGS}}}} and prayers for the family.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

So very sad! I will be praying for the family.

 

[DemonLlama]

I sent gave poem to my friend who lost both of her children in a train/auto accident. I'm so sorry for your friend's loss.

God's Lent Child

I'll lend you for a little while
A child of mine, God said.
For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.

It may be six or seven years
or forty-two or three.
But, will you, 'til I call him back,
Take care of him for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories
As a solace for your grief.

I can not promise he will stay
Since all from Earth returns,
But there are lessons taught below,
I want this child to learn.

I've looked the whole world over
In my search for teacher's true.
And from the things that crowd life's lane
I have chose you.

Now will you give him all your love?
Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take
This lent child back again?

I fancied that I heard them say
Dear Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joys thy child will bring
The risk of grief we'll run.

We will shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may.
And for all the happiness we have known
Forever grateful stay.

But should thy angel call for him,
Much sooner than we planned
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.

Author Unkown

 

[caitycaity]

so sad

 

[tmq2766]

 

[Robinrs]

I spent 17 years as a neonatal grief counselor, I cannot tell you how many of these funerals I've been to, including my own son's....

I CAN imagine.

Remember to be there for your friend. So many people rally around for the first few days or weeks then disappear. Many people cannot relate to the death of a child and the thought of their own child's mortality causes them to stay away. I lost many "friends" that way.

Things never matter as much as a friend with a welcome shoulder. To this day I remember every one of them that sat and listened while I cried. I can't remember a single gift.

God bless this family. Their pain is just beginning.....

 

[suzannen]

This is so sad, I cannot even imagine their pain. The idea of a keepsake box, the poem, planting a tree and the stuffed animal are all touching thoughts to me.

But, robinrs' post brought tears to my eyes. My DH's father died suddenly and fairly young (50). My DH, to this day, talks about the fact that after the initial mourning period of one month, only two friends continued to call him, let him talk, cry, or simply sit quiet with him. Everyone else simply stopped calling and, he felt, avoided him because it was too uncomfortable. He would fight to the death for those two friends who were always there for him them during that time; they proved their worth and he could not have gotten through it without them.

I whole heartedly concur with Robin's post about just continue to be there for them in the coming months and even years. That will be the best thing you could ever give them.

 

[fireplug]

Thoughts and prayers for your friends. They will need them.

Steve

 

[tigercat]

Also when you talk to her please be careful of what you say. Saying your are so sorry and feel for her (them) is great. Don't say you know how they feel because until you have lost a child you don't. Also, be aware that some people may also tell them that God wanted their child more than them..not good. All of the other things said were great. I guess I am just a little raw right now because Mothers Day (Sunday) is the anniversary of the birth of my son and then Tues is the anniversary of his death. My thoughts and prayers are with them.
tigercat

 

[Pin Wizard]

How sad. I'll keep that family in my prayers. Sounds like good ideas for your basket. And a local memorial would be good. Stay in contact with them, that's the most important! Yes, be careful what you say as far as those things a previous poster mentioned, but don't be afraid to talk to them about that baby! That baby will always be on their minds, and to have someone talk to them about the little one will be a comfort...down the road a bit perhaps...but it will be. For me the best thing was talking to my husband's boss. (He died 11 years ago.) She would tell me stories about him at work. So many years later it was great to hear! As time went by, it started to seem like an entirely different life. And by listening to her I thought...okay, he WAS real and I didn't imagine him! Strange feeling. Blessings to them and to you!

 

[nkjzmom]

Thank you all for the prayers and ideas...the poem is beautiful. Robin and tigercat, I'm so sorry for your loss. There can be no pain worse than the loss of a child.

The school's director decided to just collect and give them a cash donation.

It will be hard to see them at school...having Samantha with me. I don't want to make them feel even more sad....

 

[tigercat]

I totally agree with letting them talk about the baby. Take your cue from them of course but they may really want to talk to someone. After my ds died my family buried it all. It was not brought up again. I was also discouraged from bringing it up. If it hadn't been for one sil I don't know what I would have done. My dh didn't even want to talk about it, and my mil said that I should follow in his steps. It wasn't until many years later when my db died that my dm brought it up and said sorry to me about how I was treated. Now that she knew what it was like to lose a child she had some idea of what I went through. It was nice to hear, but a little late.
tigercat