Friend Dilemma - Please help

[CJK]

A brief history:
I have known Nancy since I was in grade 5 or so. We were really just acquaintances until we went to university in the same city and have been friends for about 12yrs now. I was her maid of honour in her wedding and we see each other regularly. Nancy has a very powerful personality which often pushed people away. She struggled maintaining friendships for this reason.

Throughout the 12 years however, there have been a few bumps in the road. We went to Disney together (with our husbands) and it was a complete nightmare. It almost broke up the friendship, but I decided to let it go. A few years later, I formed a womens' group who met once a month for dinner to just talk, bond, socialize and lean on each other for support. Nancy came once, but then she wanted all the husbands to come too (she didn't like doing any activities without her husband at the time). The other women gently explained that we didn't want to include husbands in this particular activity (but would welcome it in other cases), but instead of Nancy agreeing, the whole thing just sort of got dropped.

A year later, I decided to try again, but this time not include Nancy. My group has been wonderful. We're all very close and I treasure our time together. My struggles with Nancy continue to get worse however. She has started to push her own personal beliefs onto me (ie. parenting, reike, past lives beliefs, etc..). Other women are uncomfortable around her. I'm her only close friend now.

I feel badly for her. Her life is basically falling apart right now (bad marriage, etc..) Whenever I've tried to talk to her about her forceful personality, she either gets defensive or cries. She has expressed interest in getting to know some of my other friends (new people I've started to spend time with in recent years), but I honestly don't want to bring everyone together but have no idea how to tell her. I'm conflicted because I sympathize with her, but I also don't want to interfere with the dynamic of my close group of friends. Two of the other girls have expressed that they'd rather not get to know Nancy for the above reasons.

Do you have any advice on what I should do? I don't want to hurt her, but honestly, spending time with her is getting increasingly more difficult. I find myself biting my tongue most of the time. What kind of friendship is that?

Thanks for any advice.

 

[Pembo]

You've got to let it go. Ask yourself a few questions.

What are you gaining from this "friendship"?
If you met her today, would she be your friend?
If you needed a friend to talk to, would you call her first?

I had to let go of a "friend" who I'd known since junior high a few years ago. It wasn't easy and I've heard she still doesn't understand but I did what I needed to for me.

Good luck to you.

 

[kimmikayb]

You've got to let it go. Ask yourself a few questions.

What are you gaining from this "friendship"?
If you met her today, would she be your friend?
If you needed a friend to talk to, would you call her first?

I had to let go of a "friend" who I'd known since junior high a few years ago. It wasn't easy and I've heard she still doesn't understand but I did what I needed to for me.

Good luck to you.

ITA with Pembo. You have to weigh the pros and cons. It seems like a toxic relationship for you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Have you thought that your friendship could be holding her back from seeing herself???
Perhaps you think you are doing her good and really you are not.
Sometimes when you finally let something go, it is freeing for both parties even though it is painful.
So it is a "good hurt", something that is inevitable. Better to be let down in a meaningful way than wait till a "blow-out".

 

[CJK]

Thanks everyone. I think you're right. We already don't see each other as regularly as usual. I was hoping to just gradually see her less and less, but I'm thinking that may be the wrong approach to take. I just talked to her this morning and found myself very happy to get off the phone. *sigh* We don't have anything in common anymore, and she's really into learning about her past lives and how it impacts her current life and healing. This way of thinking may very well be real, but it's just not my cup of tea. I don't share in her beliefs.

Mystery Machine - you may be right. I may be holding her back from seeing the truth. I never thought about it that way.

Thanks for all the suggestions and advice. I have some soul-searching to do.