Four Go Wild in Florida (Mar 2001) 1

[SpottyDog]

Hello Stranger.
You must be a stranger, as those who know me and my ability to expand a ‘Yes’ answer into a four page ‘for & against’ tome wouldn’t risk their time or sanity to take part in one of my ‘discussions’. That’s where I talk & talk.....and you listen.

It’s going to be fun - for me.

The main aim of this report is to describe the experiences of a typical working class family holiday to Orlando. Wall to wall debt, with no regard to which door the bailiffs come through to get it back. It’s going to be long and tedious but , hey, we’re not here to enjoy ourselves !
To meet the family, you might care to take a look at the Pre trip report and get a ‘feel’ for holidays the Robinson way.


Pre-Trip Report
Here's the gist of how the Robinsons plan to 'do' Orlando in March.
Prior to our first trip in 99, all the guides suggested an itinerary to make sure we got to see and do everything. Of course, we took absolutely no notice and can't believe that we missed so much despite being out there for three whole weeks.(Maybe that was the problem-kidding ourselves that we had plenty of time - we were that new.)
This time I'm missing nowt!
I can only get two weeks hols making it all the more important to get the plan right. Don't feel sorry for the family, they can eat and sleep as much as they like when we get home - we won't have any money left to go out with anyway!
Not being one to use a sentence when there’s room for a paragraph, I use the same “can everyone hear me” approach to planning - precise and far too much detail!
In summary (ha ha) here goes.
PLAYERS ;
Dave (43) -Team Manager , Cpt , Tactician & Star Player.
Valerie (39) - Vice Cpt. , Head of Training and Catering, Coach to apprentices. Will not enter field of play until she gets ALL her own way.
Gary (13yr 8 mnths) - has very specific contract demands and always likely to be off-form but a key player, particularly up in the air!
Julie (11) -gets booked mainly for dissent but a crowd favourite.
TACTICS : All out attack, don’t let them Americans settle on the ball and get your foot in first.
TEAM TALK ; Last time there, we had three weeks and spent far too much time defending our plates and resting injuries. This time we attack as one and make full use of every minute of the match. No substitutions , and injuries will be strapped up as we go along.
KICK OFF 16/03/01
Team showered and in strips by 6.30am. Team Bus leaves home ground 7am - or sooner if we can’t wait! Arrive Newcastle Intl. to check in 8.20 latest. Plane leaves 9.20am OR ELSE. (Hello flyers from Manchester)
Read pre-printed trip reports, keep yourselves amused and dream of our imminent victory. Arrive Stanford 2pm (US time).
Head for Belz and QUICKLY sort out your own boots etc.
Ponderosa for Julie on way off Itnl Dr. Arrive All Stars Music ASAP.
Allow car to come to halt before running out!
Senior players to get to check-in at gallop while apprentices take stretching exercises in pool (remember to keep cossies and towels in hand luggage).
Vice Cpt to hurry youngsters out of water and run to allocated billet (to speed hair drying) where Cpt will have parked and entered same (briskly).
Make appreciative glances around Away team’s facilities while strapping on bum bags and appropriate equipment before making our first sweeping attack towards Bus Stop. This will be the first of many bus-hopping manoeuvres, get this wrong and we might concede free-kicks.

The rest of the game is up to the state of the pitch, players form and overall attitude at all times. Manager’s tactics and gameplan is designed for effective attacking while being watchful of breakaways by Americans (who are rumoured to be importing other players from all over the globe). DW (Vice Cpt),unfortunately , in charge of set-plays and likely to disrupt planning due to lack of
stamina and generally not being up to International competition.
PLANNED FORMATIONS
Day 1 (Fri) - Fly,Land,MK,Ep & PI . As above. Arrive MK, ride railroad first then head (I’d prefer run but I can’t keep this up!) for IASW .(Altogether now “It’s a world of laughter , a world of tears....”).Make full use of Mike’s Fastpass scam (cheers, mate) and cram in as many rides etc. as you can (remember what it’s cost!). Watch MStEP from corner of Main St and City Hall. Exit park as last ride goes by and cross Lake via Ferryboat. Assemble by Poly Beach , form a wall, and look skywards to enjoy Americans first set piece. When they think it’s all over, board Monorail for return to MK and then return to ASMu for drinks on the terrace while the juniors have a final swim. Bed by 10.30, early day tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and .........

Day 2(Sat)-MK,DC,SW,Pndrsa & Epcot for RoE. Will book Mickey Alarm for 6am but you know you’ll be up. Dad goes for coffees and MntnDew - yes we can have a cup each this time. On bus to MK (early entry) 7am . Get my money’s worth and exit MK by 10am(latest) and head for Discovery Cove. At DC enjoy every second and accept everything that’s offered . This trip is too exciting to plan so go with the flow (quickly). Exit DC 5.30 (if they find you). Rush to SW to take in Shamu Rocks and evening shows. Call in at Ponderosa for Julie’s fix on way back(consider take-away wings if time threatened).
Depending on chucking out time at SW,try to take in Illuminations; otherwise a ride on Space Ship Earth is fun for all the family. Use car if time against us but prefer bus from ASM. Return to Qtrs, Dad drinks while children swim - Mam collapses. Bed as early as you can.
By now I do understand you might be a tad tired so sleep as much as you like to regain strength. (Mickey due to ring 6am!)
Day 3 (Sun) -MGM,BB,(DTD?)MGM,Ep- Up at 6,out by 7.15. Studio gates open 7.30, DH/DS up that Tower ASAP. DW/DD can find something gentle to do. Exit MGM whenever finished and take time for BB and DTD (eat on the go) but be back for Fantasmic at 7.30pm. Exit MGM and head for Epcot to finish the night.Then
ASM for warm-down routines (swim /drink / collapse, as appropriate).

By day 4, injuries and suspensions might start affecting our game plan.Sleep is your worst enemy - avoid it at inappropriate times (ie. 6am-10pm). Sleepy heads who can’t get up will disrupt our set-pieces and then we’ll all suffer (AND YOU WILL SUFFER!). Now then, the rest of the plan is sketched out in main objective form (we seem to have stopped playing football and gone to war. Well, if the ears fit...). Obviously, you will have to eat every day (or so) and you can fit this in where and when you can (remember cheap and fast is best). You are also responsible for fitting in all shows and timed events as the holiday progresses.If in doubt remember the Family Rule- Dad’s always right ( but we do what Mam wants for the peace and quiet!)
Day 4 (Mon) - Universal & WetnWild. Meet Astrid and family by the shark at Noon.
Day 5 (Tues) -Epcot(PS IcS).MK E NIght
Day 6 (Wed) - PSs H&V(am)
Sea World
RoE Cruise with Janice & Chris.
Day 7 (Thurs) -Islands of Adventure & WnW
Day 8 (Fri) - Animal Kingdom & Typhoon Lagoon
Disney Quest
Cirque Du Soliel (9pm show)
Downtown Disney & Pleasure
Island, if not tired!
Day 9 (Sat) - Magic Kingdom , River Country
& back to MK(pm)
Day 10 (Sun) - MGM, MK (Magic Moments at 3pm)
PSs OHannas (6pm) FitS at PB
Day 11 (Mon) - Busch Gdns & Fantasmic
Day 12 (Tues) - IoA, WnW & US or IoA
MK E Night
Day 13 (Wed) - Boggy Creek Airboats
TGIF for lunch
Winter Park afternoon
Family choice (that means
Valerie's !) pm

Day 14 (Thur) - MK & AK
Family Choice pm
Day 15 (Fri) - Gatorland & ( can’t say it)
All of the above are subject to change without notice or apology.
Family rules apply at all times.
A full kit of UMP and Flex Tickets will be issued so 'hop ‘till you drop'.
US time has been paid for by Dad’s money - use every bit of it (time that is!)
Oh, and if you think I’ve missed shopping - see Days 1 & 3 !!!.

Dave

Credits : Thanks to Janice and Shirley for support and encouragement (see, it's THEIR fault!); Mike for ideas (&DC!); Jules for being a pal and Kevin Stringer for inspiration (KS, I am not worthy!)

FOOTNOTE : To my reader. The style of this drivel is designed to convey the urgency of the matter to my team and the pace of the holiday to you. The trip report on our return will be less self-indulgent and more to the point - and if you believe that you've been out of the funny farm too long!
Dave

 

[SpottyDog]

So you’ve seen the size of the task at hand and will now understand that I’ve got a lot to pack in. No time to be funny (I’ll leave that to the experts - The Great Stringer and Mike The Young Pretender) and, with no literary awareness, we’ll be flitting in and out of styles and tenses with confusing regularity.
If you’re still with me , you're either the bailiff I fear above all, or you don’t speak English and are waiting for the pictures to come up.
I’ll give you a chance.

At the end of every day’s drivel , I’ll give the kind of summary of the day those who ROTFLOL’d as you entered The Place Of Too Many Words would prefer to read. If you throw a six, you can jump straight to the Place With No Headaches and join the Sensible Ones. If not ,the summary will disappear and you must wade through every aching description - and the more you try to get out or skip to the end, the more words will be added to each sentence!
So got your dice ? Off we go.
DAY 1 - Flying High, Up In The Sky....
Having spent the best part of three months talking about me plans etc., you’d think I’d be ready on the day wouldn’t you? Not on your Nelly. Spent so much time bragging and boring on the boards as the time got nearer, I forgot to pack. Valerie had packed for the three of them on the Wednesday (her day off) and the kids had their holdalls packed with the necessities of life for the outward journey - Gamegears,cards,CD players pop and crisps. Due to leave home 6.45 Friday, I threw my kit wherever I could fit it into the two cases - 3 shorts, trunks, 3 sports shirts, 5 Ts, 3 SAFC shirts (so Astrid would recognise me), trousers and shoes (to look posh for Janice) and me Sunderland hat (baseball variety - you don’t really think I walk round with that Cat In The Hat headgear on, do you?). I stowed ten trip reports from these hallowed boards in me hand luggage to keep me amused and give me inspiration on the way.(Obviously I had the other ‘essentials’ but this is a family show).
Tedious lists of obvious stuff will be a highlight of the report (a) to be of help to newies who might not have a clue - coz I didn’t and (b) to fulfil my obligation to make sure you don’t enjoy yourself.
Packed by 11 pm Thursday, I was well on schedule and like a kid on Xmas Eve (well, like I always am on Xmas eve) had no inkling to go to sleep. Pottered about on the board until 1am but couldn’t find anyone to annoy. Set the alarm for 6am and went to bed excited at the prospect of having my first really long report to write in two weeks.
Woke at 5.17 and started pottering about doing whatever it is I do whenever we go on holiday. Don’t know what it is but it takes a long time. Doesn’t matter how early I get up, doing whatever it is always takes 15 minutes longer than I’ve got before we are due to leave. Sure enough, me mate, John, arrived to drive our car back from the airport . He’s 5 minutes early and I’m still wandering around doing whatever it is I do but not knowing how long it’s going to take coz I don’t know what I’m doing. Now. I’ve hidden this from you up till now, but I get a bit stressed the morning of a holiday. Deep breaths, whoa, finish packing the car - that’s what I was doing ; putting the cases in, no room for holdalls, take the cases out and try them on their side, still no room so take them out again and try them on their backs.Even less room, so take them out again - we’re going to miss the plane! Should have told John to come 30 minutes earlier. Put them back the first way and glared at the holdalls until they cowered into position - that’s better. All happy now? So we’ll begin. And off we go. John asks if he should drive. Heck, No! I’m in enough of a state without having to criticise his driving all the way to Newcastle Airport.It’s a 35 minute journey. 7am in the morning, no traffic, should be a doddle. Approaching the Western Bypass (a notorious traffic jam magnet , hence setting off 30 minutes earlier than needed) I started to panic. What if they all decide to go to work early? Should have told John to come an hour earlier! We get past the bypass without a hitch and head onto towards the airport - just another 10 minutes driving. I’ve forgotten the way ! What if I miss the turning? Is this the right road? Should have let John drive. Should have set off last night. Arrived at the airport refreshed and raring to go. I’m such a cool traveller, planning ahead always pays off ! Oh, by the way, Valerie,Gary and Julie were there as well but I didn’t have time to ask them to recount their holiday memories. Anyway, you’d all be bored silly!
The kids run to get two trolleys for the bags - little things make the holiday and they were free to play on - and we entered the fastpass entrance of our first ride of the holiday (prebooked Airtours seats, in case I’m being too cryptic) . Breakfasts upstairs in the restaurant is a family tradition on any holiday. I’m so tight most of the time any meal out is savoured by my lot. Flight called, we moved through the scanners and into the Departure lounge at 8.13,they’d said we needed to be in by 8.15. Meticulous planning again you see- key to a well oiled machine. Went to get Tea for me and Chocolate for Valerie - kids can drink their bottles of pop,we’ve got about 12 amongst our hand luggage. I’m not paying airport/in flight prices. On the way back, I noticed the sign above the stairs where people were streaming through - Gates 3-5 ! We weren’t ‘In’ yet and it was 8.16! and I’d just paid best part of £4 for tea and chocolate! I put the tray down next to V who just ignores me when I’m in a strop coz she knows that it always works out in the end - don’t cool people make you sick? Particularly when they’re cool coz they know you’ll always solve the problem yourself in the end. I hate rational people, they’re no comfort in a crisis. So I rush to the nice pretty ladies at the head of the stairs and explain our predicament -I’m due in at 8.15, it’s 8.17 and I’ve just paid best part of £4 for Tea and Chocolate! Calm down, Dave they said. Enjoy your tea and take your time, it’ll be another 20 minutes before they make the last call for your flight. Should have got John to bring us yesterday morning.
Getting through the gate etc. is a bit mundane and I want to keep this account as exciting for you as I can so I’m deliberately cutting out everyday stuff, as you can see. We got on the plane and it wasn’t Airtours. Where were the seat back screens? There’s someone in our seats! All’s not boding well for a pleasant flying experience. Oh, I forgot to tell you I’m scared of flying. Well, once we’re up I’m OK but hate taking off and scared of coming down. We’d been allocated two window seats (which the kids promptly bagged- think I want to watch us crash? You two have them!) and adjacent middle seats. This blokey was sitting in my seat - looking like he was enjoying himself! Well, I was just about to discuss the dilemma with him by punching him through our Julie’s window when he turned and smiled. “We’re all together” would you mind having our window seats (behind G&J)? V jumped straight in as she never gets the window ,they do have more room and I’ll be nearer the emergency exit. So that turned out OK - V looked cool. See, it always works out it the end.
Flight was due out at 9.20 and we’re still sitting there at 9.45. Well,that’s it. The holiday’s off ! Where am I going to rejig a whole 25 minutes in me plan? Just when I thouhgt it couldn’t get any worse, the pilot opened the throttle and off we went. I sat back in me seat so far I was nearly sitting on the lap of a woman three rows behind. Should have told John to take us to Scarborough.
Disappointed there weren’t seat back screens as advertised as that meant the kids couldn’t get the in flight video games they’d been looking forward to - and so I couldn’t pinch one off them. Never mind, the first film is Remember The Titans a film I wanted to see. Well seeing was fine but couldn’t hear it. Half the headsets on the refurbished cargo plane Airtours had subcontracted didn’t work (including mine & Valerie’s). The crew apologised and said they’d put the next film over the PA system -why couldn’t they do that now for this film? No answer. The guy in ‘my’ seat looked to be enjoying the film in glorious stereo and I wondered if he’d tried the headset on ‘his’ seat before he swapped! (paranoia is my middle name). Anyway they served breakfast -cereal, egg,sausage,cheese& crackers and
tea/coffee which was OK. It might have been nice but for our traditional family breakfast which had left me stuffed coz, traditionally, I eat whatever the family leave. I wasn’t too worried about the film coz I’d have only listened to it anyway as I had me trip reports to read anyway. To my shame, I only read two - Mike’s
marvellously funny “Two and Two Kids ,Please” and Janice’s wonderful
Millennium Report. They took me the whole flight to read. I’d never appreciated just how long it takes to read these things from start to finish. Thank you to you both, I enjoyed your company on the way. Apologies to those I took and didn’t get the chance to read. I’ve still got you and you’re my priority when I’ve finished this rubbish.
Go on then, you’re looking glazed. If you throw a six you can choose one of these proper reports and go and see what one should be like.
Janice’s crew
celebrate at The World
Two and two kids,
please!
Kevin Stringer’s
webpage

The second film was Mad About Mambo which was a Billy Elliot type about a youth footballer in Ireland. Played over the PA system, we could hear in our headphones so couldn’t understand why they couldn’t do that for The Titans. The final film was the highlight of the flight - ToyStory2 but no sound again. There was uproar (not me first choice of phrase).Some passengers had complained they didn’t want to listen to the PA system which relayed through the cabin as well as the headphones - fair enough,you can’t disturb one passenger's flight to accommodate another. I’ll have a complaint form then, please. Completed the form, explaining to the flight crew I wasn’t criticising them , they were doing what they could with a sub standard aircraft, but I’m a great believer in making noises whenever service/delivery is less than you would reasonably expect. We did get to listen to the third film at a reduced level to compromise with the ‘do not disturb’ lobby but the overall flight experience was not ideal. Flying through a slight storm on the approach to Sanford made the day complete.
Coming into Sanford, we were 10 minutes early. We passed the airport and banked. Looked at the airport through the right window and banked, looked at the airport through the left window. Round and round we went. I was convinced he was burning fuel to make a crash landing. Wish John had made me stop at home.
Thankfully I got down OK , or I wouldn’t be here to trap you in my world, dear stranger.
Could you not throw a six?
Next time we’ll be getting off the plane! Join us as we brave Immigration and the dreaded disinfection area. Gasp, as I keep me cool in a non-moving check in queue at the Airtours desk and marvel at the way I resist all attempts to upgrade the car!
THOSE WHO THROW A SIX MAY START HERE
So, Day 1. Bed 1am coz I was excited.
Got up , packed car and drove to Newcastle in time for breakfast and boarded in ample time - see what meticulous planning does for you.; and you all scoffed!
Cleverly negotiated better seats with a fellow passenger.
Made such good time to Sanford we had time to circle and take in the views.
Disembarked - but that’s another story.

 

[Aprilimgoing]

This is probably the best trip report I have read in ages. Sooo Funny.



Bring on the rest.

 

[Tartan Tigger]

Brilliant report

 

[kazzie]

Dave.........Just brilliant

 

[ThumperThistle]

Great report.

 

[eyoreaud]

Dave,... You're an absolute hoot,

For a forst time trip reporter you'r an inspiration, i havn't laughed so much in ages!

Thanx,
Luv Audrey
xxxxxxxxx

 

[Minniespal]

Thanks for sharing - Your trip report is a riot, can't wait for more.