Today I found out a good friend of mine has breast cancer. I have been in a complete shock since. I want to comfort her but don't know what the right things to say are, and what the wrong things to say are. Please help, I need guidance on this.
First before I begin my ramble (sorry it's so long) remember....there is a very-VERY good chance your friend will be fine.....don't loose that.
I made a decision years ago, when a casual friend was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, to be there for as long as she needed me and in whatever capacity she needed me. Cancer was nothing new in my family. I told her I would not see anything I had not seen before so to not worry about me.
Outside of immediate family, this was the first time I was going to be so seriously involved. It was important to me. I have watched friends and family disappear when the word Cancer is spoken and I wanted my friend to be able to rely on me.
One of the most important things you will do is simply.......listen.
I took my friend to dinner once a week (when she was not in treatment). I would generally ask only a handfull of questions.......and just let her talk. "How are the grandbabies" "What is happening next" "What can I do to help"......and she would ramble. It was good for BOTH of us.
There were times where it was not easy....walking into the hospital to visit her on the bad days was agony - the memories of my father haunted me at night. But my friend was more important.
I celebrated when she had success and I was horrified when her little grand-daughter died suddenly....at a complete loss for words.
There will be times that simply holding her hand will be enough.....just be there....don't disappear.
My friend was Joan.......some here may remember the story.
I traveled to WDW shortly after she was diagnosed.....she insisted. I saw Wishes....it was all about believing. My wish was to bring Joan to WDW....hardly a thought because the doctors gave her only a few months.
Joan was a resolute patient. Exactly one year later, Joan (in remission) and I ...... and a few Dis'ers who joined us for the celebration, watched Wishes in the exact place where I had made the first wish.
Joan still watches wishes with me, but now she has a better view than I do.
Sure, the family thinks I was their angel and I DID become deeply involved - my choice. You know what.....I learned so much about courage and grace from Joan.....it was my honor to be her friend.
There could be difficult days ahead, but anything you can do to keep her spirits alive, will bring YOU rewards you cannot imagine.
The night Joan died, I was there, holding her hand and babbling. Her favorite colors were blue and gold (die hard Naval Academy supporter - she HATED when her treatments were at Walter Reid instead of Bethesda). Anyway, I talked to her about my wedding plans.....we were married in Alaska a few months later. I invited her.....and promised she would know where to sit.....and told her to bring Madeline (her grand daughter). That day in Juneau, there was a solitary chair set aside with the best view.....with an arrangement of blue and gold flowers. Joan was there with us.
As I said, it will not be easy and it took me some time and a little talking myself to close that chapter of my life. I promise you will not regreat ANYTHING you can manage.
There is a very - VERY good chance your friend will beat this - don't ever let go of that hope....ever.
18 months ago I entered the same bond with another friend. His father had AML Leukemia (as my Dad did). Some of the nightmares returned.....but again....I just listened and was there when he needed me. As I told him....it's just what friends do.
Now go, hold your friends hand.....and just listen to her.
"Remember, we must always believe in our Wishes, for they are the magic in the World. Now, let's all put our hearts together and make a wish come true".
