For anyone who wants kids but is unable to have them...

[wrldpossibility]

I hope my question is not too intrusive. The child-free thread and adult-only restaurant thread reminded me to ask this. I have a family member who very much wants to have children, but so far has not been able to. This is a very painful thing to her, as you can imagine, and some of you may know firsthand. We'd like to invite her to join us on our next Disney trip (probably to Disneyland next year sometime). We do many family things together, so I really don't worry about my own children's presence upsetting her, but will seeing lots of families and children in Disney in general be too much pain?

Obviously I will talk with her directly, but I thought I'd ask here to get some insight first, and see if it's just a bad idea. The DIS boards have really educated me. Before coming here, when I saw solo travelers in Disneyland or other "family-oriented" destinations, I'd feel badly for them, thinking they were lonely. Now I've learned that most those individuals come to Disney to enjoy the adult-oriented aspects of Disney, and that there's lots for adults to do. (Heck, I just learned over on the adult restuarant thread that many adults enjoy the characters and character meals. I think that's great...I just never knew.) So if you've been in this situation, do you think she'd want to come along, and enjoy it? I worry because unlike many on this board who don't want their own children, or are visiting WDW without their kids for a getaway, this woman REALLY wants her own, and the subject is painful for her. Thoughts?

 

[Vijoge]

After 8 years of infertility I adopted my first son (and eventually two more). While I desperately wanted a child, and I probably cried every month when it didn't happen, I can say it didn't bother me at all going somewhere where there were children present.

Baby showers were sometimes difficult, though.

 

[TAKitty]

I am patiently awaiting my time to have children. My husband had two young boys from a previous marriage, so it makes the wait even harder because I feel like I am already a part time mom.

Anyway, I love WDW! I thought it might be painful to go without my own kids, but I really enjoy it. I have two trips planned with just adults. Well, my sister is in college, so almost real adults. We are also going to character meals. My mom and I are going together this spring break and are doing CRT and 1900 Park Fare. I find that going to a baby shower etc. is upsetting, but being in Disney is magical. I would ask her to come and see what she says.

 

[peemagg]

It could be just the thing for her. After being around all those kids and seeing how some of them are acting, she just may thank her lucky star that they aren't with her. She might find it very enjoyable. I'd ask her to go and just see what she says. She's the only one who will know if she can handle it.

 

[Disney Dee]

She will feel like a child herself I could be wrong, and the decision of course is hers, but she may relax so much she gets pregnant!

 

[MommaluvsDis]

Maybe your DH would be kind enough to watch your kids or let them swim in the pool and you girls could go have an afternoon without the kids. Maybe shopping at DTD or a nice adult meal or a spa trip. But, as you said, do talk to her. She may not have any problem with it at all.

 

[Vijoge]

She will feel like a child herself I could be wrong, and the decision of course is hers, but she may relax so much she gets pregnant!

Unfortunately, infertility is not caused by an inability to relax.

 

[Disney Doll]

We are unable to have children. We love Disney. We have gone there for many years, through all our struggles with infertility. It never negatively affected me, and I don't believe it negatively affected my DH either. But we also made a pact that we were not going to let infertility rule our lives. And we didn't.

That being said, infertility affects different people in different ways. I have known other couples for whom infertility was all-consuming. They were unable to be around babies, go to baby showers, walk near the baby department at Wal-Mart, be around pregnant women and so on.

I would be honest with your friend and tell her you'd like to share WDW but don't want them to be distressed by being somewhere where children are going to be. IMHO, there are plenty of adult activities and places at WDW, but the reality is that there are lots of kids there too.

Talk to her about it, let her make the decision.

 

[mrsmiller]

I struggle with infertility for years... I did clomid, pergonal, ovarian wedge, laparoscopy(SP?),invitro, yoga ect and nothing worked. It was painful to look at any woman holding a child,pushing a stroller, so much that it became an obsession, finally I decided to go to Disney with my husband to relax and to forget about "my problem" We had a blast, we relaxed by the pool,played golf went to nice restaurants and ...YES after years and years of struggle I became pregnant , I am now the proud mother of 2 wonderful boys.Stress sometimes will prevent your body from working the proper way. I am in no way saying that going to Disney will help you getting pregnant, but sometimes, yes, you need to take a break and start anew. I will talk to her first and ask her if she will like to come on your family vacation to Disney but I will make sure that along with planning things for the family I would also plan some adult activities too.
LInnette

 

[imnotaprincess]

As someone who went through the struggle myself, I find Disney a happy place. My ex and I never did have kids, but I certainly enjoy sharing the magic that is created for kids at Disney. I was never adversly affected by seeing children, or being around friends who had kids. I have accepted my situation, and wouldn't ever be bothered by the happieness that others have with their children...someday I may have some of my own - through adoption, because there are plenty of kids out there without a mom to love!

 

[Nennie]

I am infertile, and after each negative round of In Vitro Fertilization, DH and I run to WDW to "escape" the madness of our fertility treatments. So for us, even though we can't have kids, we LOVE Disney, and enjoy every minute of it! I will admit that I burst into tears after sitting next to the cutest little boy on Soarin' and watching his amazed reaction, but having DH there to comfort me and whisk me off to the next attraction made everything better.

Not that you would....but please do NOT ever tell your family member that RELAXING will help her get pregnant. There are no studies to confirm that relaxing does anything to help you get pregnant...and it's rather insulting to hear that one can't get pregnant b/c she is doing something wrong (i.e. stressing, etc).

You seem like a very compassionate person for asking about how to deal with this issue, and your family member is lucky to have you there for her!

 

[bbutters]

I have 2 wonderful little boys....however for almost 2 years now we have found ourselves faced with secondary infertility.....who would have thought? I didn't even realize there was such a thing! Amazing what things you can take for granted and not even realize until later. Anyway, I haven't done any sort of treatment since November and have been just enjoying the sweet blessings that I DO have....I am just thrilled to have kids I suppose because dr's are saying had I waited till now (29 years old) to start I may not have ever been able to have any. so I'm just excited to be taking our first family vacation to WDW with this precious family that I have......maybe I'll come home with a little souviner.....maybe I'll have to wait a little while longer....in the meantime, I'm going to (try) to live life as it is and give thanks for the blessings I do have rather than crying over the ones I don't.

Sort of off the subject....but thought I would share.....

 

[kapica3]

Before I was able to conceive and carry my dd to term, I had a multitute of problems from infertility to multiple miscarriages and exactly the same problem while trying for a 2nd child. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I was in a state of mind where the sight of a pregnant lady made me burst into tears, as well as babies. Also sweet little toddlers were no better. Happy laughing families with little children made me sad.

Taking that into consideration - I would say stay away from Fantasyland first thing in the morning but otherwise. The rest should be ok. But everyone is different, things that bother one person may not bother another. Now that I think of it, character breakfasts would probably be hard to deal with, and possibly parades, I would stay away from front row to view parades (even now that I have a dd - I still cry sometimes from the sweetness of the reaction of little children's interaction with the characters) - I'm such a whimp.

 

[aclov]

DH & I have tried for 5 years to get pregnant and it can be a sensitive issue to deal with. Our's is unexplained infertility - and it really irritates me when people even DH sometimes say to "relax" or "your too stressed". It's very painful for me personally to see my friends with their children, I love their children and I'm happy for them but I really yearn for my own. Baby showers and the baby dept at stores also bother me, I try to avoid them. But WDW makes me feel happy and I don't feel an inch of sadness when I'm there. I've seen some kids really act up at WDW which is comical to me, but I'm sure not to their parents!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

will seeing lots of families and children in Disney in general be too much pain?

wrldpossibility, the fact that you are sensitive to her situation would be enough for me to enjoy my trip. Yes, it would be hard seeing lots of children and there would probably be some tears, but nothing that a little hug and understanding wouldn't cure.

When we were dealing with infertility, the thing that bothered me the most was when people were oblivious to the pain we were in. Just a simple acknowledgement would have made a world of difference to me.