first time mom! but boy am I alone...

[LiLIrishChick63]

I'm very excited to be a mommy, my DS is 4 months old and he's a great baby.

I wound up quitting my job, DH and I both agreed that it wouldn't be worth it to put him in daycare. I would essentially be working just to pay for someone else to watch my child.

That being said, its been really tough. DH works 12 hour days, my in-laws still work full-time and my parents....well aren't exactly supportive in general. So it's just been me most of the time, doing it all on my own.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you deal? I would give my left arm just to get an hour to myself some days lol(baby doesn't nap long at all during the day). By the time DH gets home its 7pm and we're getting baby ready for bed by 8 so I'm going going going all day.

 

[flower71]

Look for a Moms group in your area or a stroller exercise class. You'll be around those who understand your situation. Hang in there....once your little one gets a little older you'll be able to go out more and feel better.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I've looked into mommy groups but there isn't anything around me like that unfortunately

 

[Smile&Nod]

Have you looked to see if any local churches have Mom's groups? Not sure you would find those unless you checked on a church website - they can be a wonderful reprieve! The other thing is if you have the cash in your budget find a nice gym that has free childcare - you get to workout which is both good for your health and your mood and you are "alone" - the one I belong to gives up to 4 hours a day free!

 

[chicagoshannon]

Does your library have a story time? Our library starts story time around 6 months old. You could meet other moms that way.

Can your inlaws come over after work sometime (if they work a shorter shift than your DH) so you can get out of the house for an hour?

The baby should start to sleep longer during the day soon. Just hang in there for a little longer.

Check into a MOPS group. It's for mothers of preschoolers which means any age kid under kindergarten age. They usually provide a nursery so you can visit with other moms.

 

[waffles77]

I would suggest checking out your library programs as well. A lot of them have a babies & books type story time. I know you may think your baby is too little for that, but they're not. It gives you some time out, and there will be other moms there that you could create your own mommy's group with - even if its just for playdates a couple of times a month.

If your area doesn't have mommy groups - these other moms might be looking for something too. They may even have some other resources for you!

Also, I would suggest looking at surrounding areas for mommy group type activities. Even if you have to travel 30 minutes or so to get there, it will be worth it for your sanity.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Does your library have a story time? Our library starts story time around 6 months old. You could meet other moms that way.

Can your inlaws come over after work sometime (if they work a shorter shift than your DH) so you can get out of the house for an hour?

The baby should start to sleep longer during the day soon. Just hang in there for a little longer.

Check into a MOPS group. It's for mothers of preschoolers which means any age kid under kindergarten age. They usually provide a nursery so you can visit with other moms.

i'm not sure about the library but i'll look into that, thanks! i know Barnes and Noble does a storytime but that's a bit of a hike for me.

i've actually mentioned to my in-laws on occasion that it would be great if they could help me out, or maybe even come over on the weekends that DH has to work and they have off....but yeah nothing ever comes of it. i'm lucky if they visit twice a month to be honest(sad part is they live 5 blocks away!)

he sleeps great at night! but during the day i think 40 minutes is the longest i get out of him lol

also thanks about the MOPS thing i'll look into that, as well!

 

[Hillbeans]

I second the suggestion to join a gym that has free child care. You'll have the comfort of knowing your child is being taken care of (my gym has cameras where you can peek in to the nursery) and you'll get some time to yourself and some interaction with other adults. I found out pretty early on I was not cut out to be in mom's groups, the whole thing felt forced to me.

I worked FT and when my firstborn was born in 2001 I felt so isolated after being home a couple of months, I realized quickly I was not meant to be a SAHM.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I second the suggestion to join a gym that has free child care. You'll have the comfort of knowing your child is being taken care of (my gym has cameras where you can peek in to the nursery) and you'll get some time to yourself and some interaction with other adults. I found out pretty early on I was not cut out to be in mom's groups, the whole thing felt forced to me.

I worked FT and when my firstborn was born in 2001 I felt so isolated after being home a couple of months, I realized quickly I was not meant to be a SAHM.

Since I'm not working we don't have the funds to join a gym. I never really was a big gym person to begin with lol.

I am actually going to be helping out a friend at her office for a few hours once a week starting next month, DH is taking Thursdays off to watch the baby, which will be nice to get out once in a while.

Don't get me wrong I love being with my son but this no help EVER thing kind of sucks lol

 

[jennyjinx3]

HUGS!! I read your post this morning and meant to reply but I was in a rush. Hang in there. It can be incredibly tiring and hard the first 6 months or so. But trust me, around 6 months things seem to change a wee bit and they will start sleeping more during the day, and you will get a little bit more of a break.

It is hard work, and lonely at times. Pm if you want, I have been there, especially with some family who I thought would be there and weren't.

It will get better though!!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

HUGS!! I read your post this morning and meant to reply but I was in a rush. Hang in there. It can be incredibly tiring and hard the first 6 months or so. But trust me, around 6 months things seem to change a wee bit and they will start sleeping more during the day, and you will get a little bit more of a break.

It is hard work, and lonely at times. Pm if you want, I have been there, especially with some family who I thought would be there and weren't.

It will get better though!!

Thanks! I know people say "enjoy this time, its the best!" And I am but I do wish I could plop him in the pack and play with some toys while I get stuff done. Hopefully that won't be much longer tho.

And I might take you up on that PM offer once in a while lol

Oh yeah I had tons of family and friends tell me how much they'd help and when I asked it was "oh sorry I'm busy" sucks but I can't be too angry.

 

[mommasita]

That can't be very easy on you

I did have help, but was always alone. NOBODY I knew had a baby when I did, and I found it very lonely a LOT... I found a community group called Moms and Tots through the library, and this helped a little bit..

It does get easier, but it isn't easy right now.. Giant hugs to you

 

[DisneyJsquared]

Hang in there! It will get easier as he gets older. He'll be able to play a little bit better by himself and nap times should become more consistent. I've got a three year old and a seven month old and a husband that works all the time, so I know exactly what you're going through. In the beginning, it was just me and baby and I felt horribly alone. I found some mom groups through meetup.com and I joined a gym with free child care, which did help. The suggestion to join a religious group is also a good one. You might be able to find some support there too.

Please know you're not alone. Have you told your husband how you feel? Maybe he could find some time every now and then to give you a night or afternoon off?

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Hang in there! It will get easier as he gets older. He'll be able to play a little bit better by himself and nap times should become more consistent. I've got a three year old and a seven month old and a husband that works all the time, so I know exactly what you're going through. In the beginning, it was just me and baby and I felt horribly alone. I found some mom groups through meetup.com and I joined a gym with free child care, which did help. The suggestion to join a religious group is also a good one. You might be able to find some support there too.

Please know you're not alone. Have you told your husband how you feel? Maybe he could find some time every now and then to give you a night or afternoon off?

It's been getting better lately. His naps are starting to become a BIT more consistent and I've been able to fill up my time so I don't feel so alone. My parents have started stopping by more often too which is nice, and I've even been helping a friend out at her office once a week for a few hours so I can get out of the house.

I have told DH how I feel. He is working on getting a different position so he's not working so much, I just hope it works out!

The gym thing would be my best bet, but the memberships are so expensive, especially with me not working more than a few hours a week.

 

[jennyjinx3]

Glad to hear things are a wee bit better. Sometimes just knowing others have been there and gotten through it can help. Also, good to hear DH is understanding. That is a huge help.

I hear you on the gym fees, can't bring myself to pay those either. Just trying to walk a lot.