We were in my room watching a movie. We had watched many movies together in the past and while we weren't a couple, he would come over and we'd cuddle together watching whatever movie happened to be on at the time or one that we decided to pop into the DVD player. I can't remember which movie it was that we were watching that night, however, because my mind was totally never on the movie, lol. When he was holding me close to him I assure you - my thoughts were drifting more along the lines of "should I hold his hand? Should I rest my head on his shoulder more? Do I smell okay? Oh my God what if he doesn't like the smell of my perfume?!" and those sorts of inquires.
Anyway, he was there with me, we were cuddling, and he turned to me during the movie and said "Can I kiss you?" - me, being totally caught by surprise with this question, immediately got flustered and in the heat of surprise, I said "Possibly" - Okay, let's stop right here and reasses my response. Who, in their right mind, answers that question with "possibly"? I was completely infatuated with this guy and was crushing on him like crazy. I wanted him to kiss me and I said "possibly". But that doesn't even reach the midway point here. So he sat up a bit more and said "What?" - here it was! My second chance to recover from my obviously insane answer! But nope...I repeated what I said. He laid back down and I could see out of the corner of my eye that he wasn't watching the movie anymore.
For what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence, he finally said something. He said "I should go." I was so flustered at this point that now I'm pouring out words like my life depended on it. I kept repeating "you don't have to ask, if you want to kiss me just kiss me!" And as he got nearer to the door each time he kept saying "Yes, I do need to ask! With you I always need to ask!" And then the door shut. I was so upset at the situation and just sort of walked over to my computer hoping a friend was online who I could talk to, lol.
As I was at my desk I noticed that his glasses were still there. He had forgotten them (he took them off while we were cuddling). Not long after I had noticed them there I heard a knock on my door. I answered and there he was. He mumbled that he had forgotten his glasses and then stood in my room all awkwardly. He said again "Okay, I'm leaving now" and this time I finally had my wits about me and said "No, please, I want you to stay." Then he said what people are NEVER supposed to say. He said "I can't stay because this is awkward now" -- You don't say a situation is awkward...everyone knows it's awkward, lol. Saying it's awkward only makes it more awkward!! But finally I convinced him to stay and believe it or not we ended up back on my bed watching something else on the TV. We were cuddling.
The awkwardness had passed at this point and I was just so very glad that he stayed. Then, I felt him kiss my cheek and then I could feel his hand turn my chin so that I was facing him. He kissed me and then we stopped for a second or two and just looked at each other. At this point, the thoughts circulating around my head were "what if I'm a bad kisser?" and that made the pause after the kiss too long - he laid back down again in complete silence. He said "this can't work" and I tried to fix the situation again but I never could find the right words. After me trying to explain myself I finally said "I want to kiss you, do you want me to kiss you?" and he said "yes" so I kissed him and not more than 5 seconds later, we were making out.
After such a rocky start, all the kisses that followed between us week after week were much more natural. I was surprised he still wanted to be with me after such an awkward beginning! haha. Since we were never dating, though, the connection between us was uncertain. I was never sure if he was hooking up with other girls at the same time he was with me and if he was, there was nothing I could complain about. It made the bond between us weak. After a month or so, things between us slowed down until we saw each other about once every two months or so. Needless to say, everthing between us had stopped.
Now, don't judge me, haha, but my first kiss didn't happen until I was almost 18 years old lol. Even though that was my first kiss with him, I look forward to my first kiss with the man who will matter more.