Field Trip or Family Vacation???

[DawnM]

How badly does your son want to go? If he is dying to go, how about he helps by finding old toys to put on CL or helps around the house for some extra $$.

If he really doesn't care if he goes or not, I would cancel the trip and not think twice about it.

Right now my kids are helping with some work projects for extra $$ for NEXT summer's camp. That is how much they love this camp and want to make sure they go next summer.

Dawn

 

[princessmom29]

Again, the child becomes the pawn in this setting. That will be a fun life for him. Stepmom does the wrong thing, you are completely right. But then mom makes it worse by asking him which fun things he'd like to give up so he can go on this trip. Completely inappropriate....he didn't cause this scenario. It's not like a toy or even a trip he'd like to take. Of course we all have to pick and choose how to spend our resources, and educate our children about these choices.

In my book....it's a school field trip, a good opportunity for my child, so I'd bury my pride and pay (if I couldn't figure out a way for the ex and step to do the right thing.)

Because it's not about all the hurt feelings of the adults, it should be about the CHILD.

But what are you teaching that child by constantly giving in to his crazy demading stepmom who chooses to use him to get what she wants? That it is acceptable to use people as emotional blackmail? I don'tthink I would want my child growing up thinking that her behavior is acceptable. I think it is better to sit down and have a discussion about choices and how stepmom made a poor one this time by not asking mom first if the trip was in the buget if she expected her to pay. I don't think hiding the fact that she made a poor choice and trying to cover for her is productive at all. The kid needs to understand that adults someitmes don't make the best choices and the consequences of those poor choices effect everyone. It is the reality of what he is living with and hiding that from him does him no favors. You are 100% right that it should be about the child, but I don't think covering for stepmom sends the right message at all. It isn't about hurt feelings and getting even, but neither should it be about hiding stepmom's poor behavior.

 

[jodifla]

But what are you teaching that child by constantly giving in to his crazy demading stepmom who chooses to use him to get what she wants? That it is acceptable to use people as emotional blackmail? I don'tthink I would want my child growing up thinking that her behavior is acceptable. I think it is better to sit down and have a discussion about choices and how stepmom made a poor one this time by not asking mom first if the trip was in the buget if she expected her to pay. I don't think hiding the fact that she made a poor choice and trying to cover for her is productive at all. The kid needs to understand that adults someitmes don't make the best choices and the consequences of those poor choices effect everyone. It is the reality of what he is living with and hiding that from him does him no favors. You are 100% right that it should be about the child, but I don't think covering for stepmom sends the right message at all. It isn't about hurt feelings and getting even, but neither should it be about hiding stepmom's poor behavior.

This child is what, 8, 9? Too young to have this burden, in my book. He should get to enjoy his childhood, without fear that at any moment, the stepmom has the power to wreck anything he was looking forward to.

 

[princessmom29]

This child is what, 8, 9? Too young to have this burden, in my book. He should get to enjoy his childhood, without fear that at any moment, the stepmom has the power to wreck anything he was looking forward to.

Weare talking about a 9-10 year old 4th grader. MY 7 year old 2nd grader is certianly capable of understanding this without having it ruin her childhood. I cannot see keepnig a child that ignorant of reality. There is no reason it has to be some kind of huge burden to the child. It will only be if mom makes him feel that way about it. Iti s all in how we as parents respond to the situation. Make it a big deal, and the kids will too. Be truthful, but don't create a big drama, and the the kid will not see it as a huge thing.

 

[Kat&Dom]

OP, I am so sorry that you have this situation to deal with. As a single mom of a wonderful 6 yr old boy whose ex-husband has a girlfriend similar to your ex's - all I can do it give you lots of hugs because I know how difficult of a situation it is to be in.

I hope your brother has success in his battle against cancer!

 

[Kat&Dom]

Weare talking about a 9-10 year old 4th grader. MY 7 year old 2nd grader is certianly capable of understanding this without having it ruin her childhood. I cannot see keepnig a child that ignorant of reality. There is no reason it has to be some kind of huge burden to the child. It will only be if mom makes him feel that way about it. Iti s all in how we as parents respond to the situation. Make it a big deal, and the kids will too. Be truthful, but don't create a big drama, and the the kid will not see it as a huge thing.

Absolutely agree with this. Kids take their cues from the adults in their lives. When someone belittles or talks negatively about Mom or Dad, it hurts the child. Kids understand so much more than most people give them credit for.

I took my son to a counseller prior to his 3rd birthday - his father had promised a special present for a month leading up to the visit - visit time came and no present. My son came home and peed all over his toys. I threw out the toys that he had peed on and I took away all his other toys for a week because he needed to understand that his behavior was not acceptable.

I took him to a counseller and the counseller asked him if he felt sad about his dad and he very clearly said "No, I didn't feel sad, I felt angry" - the counseller and I looked at each other in shock that a "2" year old - he was 2 months from being 3 was able to so clearly know his emotions and express them. I am so glad that I took him to a counseller and that he was able to express his emotions in healthy, safe environment.

 

[GottaLuvMickey]

Wow people... really?! From what I understood with the OP's original description of the situation - when SHE found out about the trip, she talked to her son about it and explained that they couldn't afford this school trip AND a family vacation. She didn't bring dad or step mom into the conversation at all. Her son CHOSE a family vacation. To me that means he's not really that upset about not going on this school trip! I can't imagine that the OP said to her son "Your daddy and step mom signed you up to go on this trip but wont pay for you to go, so I will have to pay for it and because of that we wont be going on our family vacation. Is that okay with you?" I mean really people! She never said she brought her son into the middle of all of this.

To the OP - I would just explain to the teacher what is going on and let the school know that dad & step mom signed him up therefore, if he is going, it is their financial responsibility. My school never had overnight trips, it wasn't allowed at any age. I cannot imagine sending my 4th grader away for 4 nights and I can't imagine that the entire class will be participating in this trip either.

 

[Andrea from PA]

OK -- I have many issues that bother me about this thread, but my #1 issue has not been addressed --

OP --
1. RUN, don't walk, back to court to have school fees, braces, and anything else detailed in your custody agreement.

2. Demand the school provide an apology and detailed reason why they accepted step-mom's signature as authorization. Be sure the school clearly understands this will never happen again. I realize schools are forced to deal with so much of the family legal issues, but IMO the SCHOOL has a responsibility in this situation.

3. Contrary to what some on this Budget Board may think, I can take a vacation for 3 for a week for <$500. I did it in Williamsburg with 2 kids over Easter break. $300 for student alone would most definitely have an impact on my vacation plans.

4. Now that you are in this situation, I would put in writing to Ex that I'd pay half.

5. I certainly don't think your son is too young to make a decision of family vacation or field trip. My kids have always been a large part of our family finances. The world will not be handed to my kids, better they learn to make responsible choices early in life than grow up to be a young adult believing the world owes them something.

OP -- It is a wonderful thing to be a donor for your brother. Good luck to both of you. A 4th grade trip is just not important in the big scheme.

 

[Pembo]

As I read this thread my 13 yo is home while alot of his classmates are in Washington DC. He chose not to go on this trip for various reasons and found out that there were a lot of others who did not go as well. The cost was $400 for 3 days.

OP do what is best for your family and your ds.

 

[Green Tea]

Now let's get it out there that my son is in 4th grade. His class is going on an awesome field trip but it's not cheap. They are going to the Outer Banks for 4 days. It's a little BIG for a 4th grade trip if you ask me. The cost isn't bad. It's $308 for him to go. It was $320 for each parent to go. My fiance and I were going to go on this trip with him but his Father and StepMom signed up to go and signed our son up at the same time. Ok fiance and I won't go. Custody papers say nothing about who pays for field trips. If Dad is going and stepmom signed paperwork for son to go and they were paying (all included on permission slip) I assume they are paying. Boy was I wrong. I told my son that I can afford to send him on this trip OR we can go on a family vacation next year. Either way is fine but I just can't afford to do both. He didn't hesitate in saying FAMILY VACATION. Well stepmom pitched an immortal holy fit last night blessing me out for not paying (while she signed him up and said she was paying). Now I'm torn. I don't want him to miss the field trip because it will be a good one. But I simply can't afford a family vacation AND this field trip. What would you do???

How can you go on a family vacation for about $300???

 

[princessmom29]

How can you go on a family vacation for about $300???

$300 PER PERSON. If son chooses to go on this trip that is $300 less in the vacation buget. They were planning to do this trip as thier vaction and pay around $900 for all 3 of them to go. If son goes with stepmom and Dad then they cannot spend $300 for him to go and then turn around and take a family trip.