Feelings on Suicide?

[raysnkaysmom]

I know this has been a touchy thread lately, depending on peoples perception and ways to vocalize, but, this has hit close to home recently (this past week).

Is it normal to be 'angry' at a family member (or close friend) who attempts suicide. I mean, I know everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings aren't controlled by other people, but anger seems to be my initial reaction.... as in 'how could they be so selfish?'

 

[LUCiD]

Sorry that happened. *e-hugs.* You have every right to be angry. What that person did was evil and extremely selfish.

 

[Liberty Belle]

It's very normal to be angry, and I'm sorry this has happened in your family/circle of friends. When people are so depressed that the contemplate or actually committ suicide, however, they are incapable of thinking of anyone except themselves. Or, they think everyone else would be better off without them.

 

[java]

I think it's normal to feel angry, and scared, and disappointed and confused and whatever you feel towards the person. They are feelings.
I think someone that gets to that point really is unable to feel. They are not thinking of anything other than ending the pain they are in. Sometimes that pain can be so deep I suppose that they just can't see beyond it.

Now to someone that has "attempted" suicide- that is a call for help.

 

[LUCiD]

I agree with java, you should get the person that attempted suicide some serious psychiatric (sp?) help, before s/he tries it again.

 

[LisaR]

I think what you are feeling is totally normal.

Unfortunately, I just attended a funeral for someone that committed suicide. I truly get how angry some people felt but many took their opportunity at the funeral to speak their mind. I found that really tacky. I get the anger everyone was feeling but it just didn't seem like the service was the proper place to discuss it. I am certain there were some people that attended that did not know the person had taken their life, including myself. I did think it may have been the case but I wasn't 100% certain. The first person to speak confirmed it and it just snowballed from there. It was very uncomfortable. The person was very ill and their quality of life had left them bed ridden and worsening. Sad situation all the way around.

 

[C.Ann]

I think a certain amount of anger is normal - although not particularly helpful.. I also think that circumstance plays a large part in how others react to suicide or attempted suicide - as in depression vs. a painful, lingering, terminal illness..

An "attempt" is a definite cry for help - and should never be ignored due to anger, frustration, disappointment, or any other emotion that comes into play..

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this and hope that you can find the appropriate help for the person involved..

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I agree with java, you should get the person that attempted suicide some serious psychiatric (sp?) help, before s/he tries it again.

I think a certain amount of anger is normal - although not particularly helpful.. I also think that circumstance plays a large part in how others react to suicide or attempted suicide - as in depression vs. a painful, lingering, terminal illness..

An "attempt" is a definite cry for help - and should never be ignored due to anger, frustration, disappointment, or any other emotion that comes into play..

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this and hope that you can find the appropriate help for the person involved..

After being in the hospital for 4 days, he's now in a pshyciatric hospital... 'danger to himself'

Just a rough situation, because one year ago, he was perfectly 'normal'.
Stress and a series of strokes have seem to have brought this on...

 

[iwish81792]

Just putting in my two cents--
When someone tries to commit suicide, they're not trying to be selfish. Most of the time they're trying to be selfless. They think that the world would be better off without them in it. It's normal to feel angry at our loved ones for thinking these things but you can't be only angry. It's crucial to show people in that frame of mind that they are loved and cared for and that someone really would care if they were gone.

Every situation is different but whether it's a half cocked plan used to garner attention or a legitimate failed attempt at killing themselves, these people need to be shown love.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

I can understand the anger...to a point. Personally, I get very, very sad and upset. Do people realize that many who commit suicide feel worthless, like they don't matter, and like others would be better off without them? Can you imagine feeling like that ALL of the time?

I don't think suicide is a selfish act, I think it's a desperate act. And incredibly sad, as people who needed help didn't get it in time.

 

[honugirl]

I get where he's coming from. It's not easy to lose your life to illness. There are times when I'm done. I want it to all be over. I can't take the pain, the emotional issues that I'm having and causing everyone else around me, the up and down from the doctors. It's really hard. Plus, I'm just exhausted most of the time from having to fight so hard just to live a "normal" existence which in reality is about as far from a "normal" existence as you can get. The only thing that has stopped me is knowing it would kill my parents and my dogs. If they weren't around, I might not be here today. When people are trying to commit suicide, it generally means something in their life sucks pretty bad. It's easy to be angry at the person that tried it, what I would suggest is trying to figure out how to make his life better in some way. You'll feel better, he'll feel better, it's a win, win on everyone's part. Good luck! It's not an easy road to travel.

 

[minkydog]

I can understand the anger...to a point. Personally, I get very, very sad and upset. Do people realize that many who commit suicide feel worthless, like they don't matter, and like others would be better off without them? Can you imagine feeling like that ALL of the time?

I don't think suicide is a selfish act, I think it's a desperate act. And incredibly sad, as people who needed help didn't get it in time.

I agree. Most people don't understand how a depressed person thinks. It's common to hear "just stop it" or "things could be worse." For a depressed person sometimes things can't be worse. Tunnel vision takes over and suicide seems to be the answer to all your troubles, a sacrifice worth making because it will free your loved ones to get on with life without the difficuties and drama that are a part of a depressed life. Did you know that personswith bipolar disorder, a type of depression, has a 15-20% mortality rate?

As someone who has made attempts and been hospitalized for suicidal ideation, I can tell you from my experience I wasn't thinking about how suicide would affect my family. I was so sick and depressed that suicide actually made sense. I thought my family would be better off without me. My pain was enormous and blinding. I couldn't see how worried my husband was, all I could think of was ways to off myself.

OP, I think it's totally normal to feel angry when someone takes their own life. It's unfair that you have to lose someone. It's unfair that they didn't give you a chance to help them. It's unfair that they weren't able to reach out for help from the mental health community. Anger is completely understandable when someone takes there own life.

 

[PollyannaMom]

...Is it normal to be 'angry' at a family member (or close friend) who attempts suicide. I mean, I know everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings aren't controlled by other people, but anger seems to be my initial reaction.... as in 'how could they be so selfish?'

Yes, it's a perfectly normal reaction! - And yes, it will fade.

(P.S. - It's also normal to feel guiltly that you didn't somehow "know." - Let that one go, too!)

Hope things get brighter for both of you.

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

I have many thoughts and emotions about this...

My stepfather committed suicide in March. He had a brain bleed in August, and had a lot of rehab ahead of him. He used a walker, couldn't speak very loudly, and was having to relearn about everything. When my mom finally felt comfortable enough to leave him alone to run errands, he did it.

I was very sad at first, for a couple of weeks. The sadness then turned to anger..."Why did he do this to my mom?"..."Why didn't he give rehab a chance?"..."Why did he do this to my family?"

I think the whole range of emotions is normal, whether it is attempted or successful.

It has been 5 1/2 mos, and I am still really angry about it and think it was so selfish. I don't know how I'll feel 6 mos from now.

 

[lajones81]

After being in the hospital for 4 days, he's now in a pshyciatric hospital... 'danger to himself'

Just a rough situation, because one year ago, he was perfectly 'normal'.
Stress and a series of strokes have seem to have brought this on...

Just over one year ago, I was in a similar situation. I spent a GREAT DEAL of time in therapy both in a group and individual setting with psychologists and licensed clinical therapists. In addition, I have worked with a psychiatrist who helped me find the right dosage of prescription medication.

Currently, I am doing extremely well! In fact, my boss recently commented how great it is to see me smiling, which is something that was missing in my life a lot last year.

I spend a great deal of time reading and writing about my experiences. I pray, exercise, and watch what I eat. In essence, I have overhauled my entire life with the help of my friends, family, and co-workers. Some days can still be difficult, but the light at the end of the tunnel that was once dim is now shining bright!!

HUGS all around. I would never wish this mental anguish on anyone. It's very scary to be alone, confused, etc. inside one's own mind.

 

[Geoff_M]

Is it normal to be 'angry' at a family member (or close friend) who attempts suicide.

It was anger at a friends attempted suicide that prompted comedian Bobby Gaylor to write his "Suicide Song". It's very common.

 

[maelstrom]

My friend recently chose to end her life. I miss her and I wish that she hadn't done it and I wish there was some way that I could have known she felt that way and that I could've helped. But, at the end of the day, it was her choice. We all miss her so much and want her back. But she isn't coming back. I just hope that she's found some peace now.

 

[MonkeyDishwasher]

For years there's been a gentleman who would come through my workplace, made friends with myself and all our coworkers, he really knew how to brighten each person's day and made very generous gestures towards each of us to show his appreciation for what we do/did.

Then one day, the news was out that he had put a bullet in his head. My first thought was "I know I didn't know him that well, but I wish there was something we could have done to help him." With this man, there were zero warning signs of depression, anything. There's no way anyone could have possibly known what he was going to do or could have prevented it. He was actually a very happy, easy going guy. Then the anger of "How could he do this? Doesn't he know the impact this would have on everyone else?" and of course the sadness, knowing that he would never be there again to simply say hello or give a hug when any of us needed one...

I truly do miss him, but I hope he's found the peace he must have been missing in his own life. And I hope that somehow he knows how he touched each one of us (as well as the other 3 parts of his life that intersected at his memorial). So yes, a bit of anger is normal, but then the sadness and sympathy set in, and the wishing that you could have done something, even if you know that there's no way you could have really helped. Professional help as soon as there are signs of manic depression or actual thoughts of suicide is pretty much the only way to help someone who thinks that's their only way to improve this world, and making sure that each day your loved ones know that you feel so.


I hope your situation works out for the better. Just make sure that person knows that they're loved and appreciated. That's all anybody can really do.

 

[JarethDrakul]

It's very normal to be angry, and I'm sorry this has happened in your family/circle of friends. When people are so depressed that the contemplate or actually committ suicide, however, they are incapable of thinking of anyone except themselves. Or, they think everyone else would be better off without them.

I have to agree with you on that point, when ever I've contemplated the idea part of the reason is because I think everyone else will be happy without me....but then there was the part of me that said "well your leaving them to sort out your mess, thats a really s***ty thing to do".

Do people realize that many who commit suicide feel worthless, like they don't matter, and like others would be better off without them? Can you imagine feeling like that ALL of the time?

I don't think suicide is a selfish act, I think it's a desperate act. And incredibly sad, as people who needed help didn't get it in time.

Thats very true, I felt that why for 3 years of my life...and what I find alot of the time is alot of people are afrai to get help because they know they'll be judged for it or they'll be considered an "attention seeker" so alot of people stay quiet about it out of that fear (I know alot of people like that).

A good example is the artist Emilie Autumn, who wrote a song called "The Art of Suicide"...and the name means exactly what it says since, well a very long time people have glorified it and a part of the song is a great example:
"Life is not like Gloomy Sunday
With a second ending
When the people are disturbed
Well they should be disturbed
Because there's a story
That ought to be heard
Life is not like Gloomy Sunday
With a second ending
When the people are disturbed
Well they should be disturbed
Because there's a lesson
That really ought to be learned"
I can't remember exactly what was she said but she said...well pretty much about how people don't want to help people they jsut judge them. She also said recently about her condition and because she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder alot of people don't believe things she says and that can be another factor. I totally forgot what I was going to say now haha.

I can understand why you'd be angry, but remember there must have been something that makes a person feel something so much that they want to end their life...I mean it builds up. But the worst thing to do is let that person know you feel anger towards them and their selfish, it really makes the person feel like they failed (again)

*this is mainly all from personal experience so its not all relevant to everyone and everything*

 

[alizesmom]

Anger is very normal just try to mix it with sympathy.