Feelings about defending other DISers?

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I think it's because this board is so large.

Awhile back, I was a very active member of AOL's WDW boards. I made some very good friends there and even organized a meeting at Chef Mickey's with about 60 other members (or something like that - I can't remember the number of people).

Two of those friends are on here now and don't have a clue I am who I am. One is Ducklite (Anne) and the other is Nobodyhome (Denise). We used to have a ton of fun on those old boards and we (and some others too) were probably seen as a clique. We probably irritated the heck out of people on there!

Anyway, here it's just too hard to connect, IMO. Too many people and too fast-paced. This board is HUGE.

As far as flaming goes, I've participated in some heated arguments on here and I guess I've been semi-flamed, but am too thick-skinned to 1) notice, or 2) care.

 

[Ladyhawke10]

I try not to let it bother me but if you just want people to agree with you don't ask others opinion.

I agree with this...sometimes OPs post just to have their consciences appeased (i.e. is it okay if I exaggerate my complaints to get comped a night's stay? )
then if you disagree, you get called mean. I've had that feeling, too...sometime people start threads with the intention of being agreed with.

So in other words, I'm all for healthy debates, but not super sarcastic stuff when it's difficult to interpret people accurately on here anyway.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

And I have come to the defense of more than one person if I felt that I "knew" them from other threads and that they were being misinterpreted. But that's me and I'm not afraid of sticking my neck out for others. The funny thing is that I am fairly thin-skinned and do get my feelings hurt, but I try to take it for what it's worth and consider and think about the advice given even if it's not what I want to hear. I'm a big girl and can handle a lot as long as their intentions are good. But of course there are some mean people and I don't take them personally because they are that way with most everyone.

Just like in real life, if someone who I think highly of were to say something to me I would be more hurt because I would respect their opinion more. And if I were to truly hurt someones feeling who I think highly of I would be upset. But that's the real me...

 

[rt2dz]

Why not throw in my $0.02

This isn't my life, although sometimes it may feel that way. I'm on and off the boards depending what else I'm doing. I lurked for over a year before I even thought of posting. I have certain online rules regarding personal information (you'll never see me post a picture of my kids, house, etc or use our names). I always tell DS 99% of the people are good people, but you just don't know who the other 1% is, so you have to be careful. A casual thing online is good, but I don't really see myself making life long friendships.

IMO, I think some people are offended more easily than others (hence, any slight devation of agreement is "flaming"). I'm pretty thick skinned and don't get offended easily. Of course, part of the problem is no tone, inflection, & not knowing some people. Some people may seem like all they are doing is causing trouble, but they are just being sarcastic to make a point. Sometimes, you might just hit a touch point at a particular and send normally sane people off the edge. Other times, comments on either one or both sides are totally misinterpretted.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

I suggest taking any response with more than one grain of salt. It's all too easy to read emotion into posts and thus mis-read or misinterpret what the other person wrote. (Of course, when smilies are involved, often the intent becomes obvious.)

Also, I've tried to learn that I don't need to respond to every post. If someone said something that didn't sit well with me, I try to learn to ignore it or let it go. Move onto another topic or post. Sometimes NOT responding can be as rewarding as writing a flaming response.

 

[LvsTnk]

I just noticed that old "not nice" thread got bumped and another person came to your rescue Ladyhawke

 

[mytwotinks]

I have noticed too that many of the flames come from people who are just lurking around waiting to start trouble. There are a few disers who are on several threads at once arguing several different sides of the same issue . Some people just enjoy the arguing! Hopefully they are getting it out of their systems so that the people they live around don't have to put up with it!

 

[CheshireVal]

I think people who are ultra-sensitive have a hard time with message boards. People tend to be bolder online than in real life, and are far more likely to say something "mean" that they wouldn't ordinarily have the courage to say face to face.

Also, tone and emotions often get misconstrued when they're in writing and posts are often taken the wrong way.

My mom, for example, has tried to post on a few boards, and she *always* gets her feelings hurt because she is a bit too sensitive.

I, on the other hand, find myself drawn to controversial threads (I just can't resist), but I can sort of shrug off the flames. Most of the time I just find it all too amusing.

 

[Ladyhawke10]

I just noticed that old "not nice" thread got bumped and another person came to your rescue Ladyhawke

Yes, the "not nice" thread!

Really, that thread wasn't all that bad, I mostly had a grudge from another one about a year ago that was much worse, and this one brought back those memories because I was afraid it was going to go in that direction.

Thanks for the heads up about the new post--I looked and replied. You really helped me with your PM last week, LvsTnk--I was really bummed that day. Thanks again

 

[scubamouse]

there are what - 80,000 registered members here? that's like NYC by msg board standards! then add that you have mickey, mouse, tink, pooh and belle in so many usernames that it's very hard to keep people straight

I will say a lot of people confuse disagreeing with flaming and they really aren't the same.

Some people post 'i don't know if i should do this' and get a beating for it when the title should explain ambiguity.

I don't feel really close to people here and I've met people from other boards I'm on. I'm not sure people post here really to get close to other posters.

Where I've gotten to know some members a little better it's been:
1. on the same side of a fight
2. a common non-disney interest
3. posters traveling the same time as me

 

[kbkids]

Wow! I'm amazed. I went searching for the "not nice" thread and can't believe the OP (not you) got upset by that. I read your post as funny and light-hearted. I think the OP was the one being overly sensitive, not you. Don't let it bother you another minute!!

We're going to Valdosta for spring break, and I've changed my mind four times on which hotel to stay at - and these are just the regular, run-of-the-mill, chain hotels. Imagine what I do when I'm planning to go to WDW! People laugh at me all the time about it. I have never once thought they were insulting me - hmm, maybe I should re-think that.

 

[HayGan]

Here is how I feel about Disboards, for what it's worth.

I discovered Disboards three years ago when I was searching for Disney trip info. I eventually made it over to the community board and hardly ever post anywhere else. It is a fantastic place to get information on just about anything. I can ask a question and inevitably someone has the answer.

I am basically a curious, (okay nosy), person and I love to see how other people live, think, etc. It's kind of like finding the Holy Grail. The best part is, I can come and go as I please, taking and leaving what I want. That sounds callous, but that's not how I mean it. I can choose to ignore those people who just post to be mean or hurtful and that have nothing positive to add to a post. I can respond to a thread where I feel my input might be helpful, or I can send good wishes to someone who needs them, with the hopes that it will at least let them know that people are here and people do care.

In return, I have gotten a lot of good advice and many helpful replies when I've needed them. If I post about a situation, (kids, school, trips, etc.), I know there are going to be people who will understand and offer their views, opinions, and yes, even flames.

I have never met anyone on the Dis in real life, but I do feel as though there are people here that I consider friends in cyberspace. I enjoy light-hearted banter and especially like 'meeting' people with a good sense of humor. I have had many good laughs here, (I laughed so hard at the replies to the infamous fart thread that my family was beginning to think I had totally lost it), and I have read some seriously disturbing threads that have made me question the OP's sanity, (not going to mention the specifics).

It's all here for the taking. The good, the bad, and yes, the ugly. The Disboards is like an extension of real life people, but not a replacement for real life people. Does that make sense? And, yes, I have seen cases where other posters have defended someone or backed up someone. I think a lot of the time, people do this through PMs.

Gee, guess I'm rambling here. I tend to do that.

Did I even answer your original question?

I could have easily written this post. I come to the Dis to find and share great Disney info as well as to find out more about others and as an escape from my own life. I look at as fun (most of the time.) Are there posters who I don't agree with - sure are! But I don't think of thier opinions as being worth less than others. I just have to read their posts with a different colored pair of glasses! I've been on the receiving end of DISagression a few times but I don't let it bother me for long. I have even taken a few breaks from the Dis because the tone of the boards was just in a not so nice place. But I always seem to come back! It would take ALOT for me to leave the DIS

 

[pearlieq]

I don't really see this as a place to get close to people, especially in the context of the community as a whole. It's an anonymous internet message board, and that's just what I like about it. I like the fact that if the jerks seem to more active, I can just shut it off and go away. That is the entire virtue and appeal for me.

I will say there are people who I respect, people whose posts I enjoy, and people, especially on the WISH boards, that I actually do care about.

But, by and large, what I like about being here is that I'm not here for friends, and not really looking to "care" about the people I interact with. To me this is a source of information and diversion, not a place for deeper human interaction.

As for defending people, it really depends on my mood. There are certain people I care about that I would always defend if they were attacked, but for the most part I try to avoid threads I know will be controversial (political, religious, etc.) because I simply don't have the time or emotional energy to get upset about what some idiot said on a message board. If I happen to stumble upon something ugly, sometimes I will step in to defend, sometimes I won't. It just depends if I really feel like getting into it at that particular time.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I just checked out the "not nice" thread and it is a perfect example of how an innocent comment can be taken the wrong way and then it gets worse from there. Don't live DIS over something like this. We love you here.

 

[chyam]

I've been feeling weird about the DIS ever since I had my second run-in with being flamed on the DIS--which isn't a terrible average, considering it's been two and a half years and I post regularly--but that's what's been bothering me and I stopped posting advice. Why, on this board, don't people bond more? When I was on a pregnant board several years ago, I remember becoming part of a group and people emailed me from time to time for many years afterward. It could just be the nature of the DIS for posters to be less connected to each other, but other than a few nice PMs and posts, I feel like someone could come along and say terrible things (this has only happened once on here where it was really bad) and even though I'm someone posting all the time, no one will really care. I guess this is in the same line as Thread Killers or Are There Cliques? I do have some friends on here, but it's almost scary to me how disconnected people seem to be from one another on here. I just wanted to open this up a little bit and see what others have experienced.

I have felt the same way for about 4 months now, and I don't post nearly as much as I used to. Perhaps many think that I am to opinionated but I don't feel as if I try to push my opinions on anyone just put in my 2 cents worth, and perhaps you don't agree but that is no reason to get nasty with people, I will always read what others have to say and at least think about why they feel that way, we are each entitled to our own thoughts and it's good to hear others. But on here lately people get nasty and think they are the only ones right, and perhaps it is the way it is on the internet, that we really don't know the emotion or the way things are worded, I have tried to make some friends here, but I have always felt the "odd one out" so now days I visit less often and post even less, there are other areas on the internet where people are more receptive and not as nasty. Although there are a few on here that I love to read and have learned much from there are also others that I stay away from.

 

[mickeyboat]

I just checked out the "not nice" thread and it is a perfect example of how an innocent comment can be taken the wrong way and then it gets worse from there. Don't live DIS over something like this. We love you here.

Can someone give me the link, PM is fine if you'd rather. I'd like to see it for myself.

I have gotten steamed over posts on the DIS before, but I try really hard not to take it personally. No one here knows me, or knows my situation. But I also stay away from asking for advice, although I tend to like to give it. When I do give it, I can only respond knowing the facts that have been given, and that I might not really know the whole story. So if I offend someone because of that, and that person later clarifies, I won't hesitate to apologize, or modify my comments.

Denae

 

[rt2dz]

I'm kind of curious as to what the "not nice" thread is......

 

[Ladyhawke10]

I don't know how to post links


It's on the resorts board and it's about the Beach Club and Boardwalk...it got bumped today

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Wow, I read the other thread and maybe you didn't mean anything bad by it, but I can certainly see how others thought that you were giving the OP a bad time about changing her mind so many times. That's the problem with message boards--it's hard to see that you really didn't mean that. Some smilies in the right place would have helped other than one and the smilie. I think that people thought that you were serious.

Oh, here's the link http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1027068

It is easy to take someone too seriously and you weren't trying to give her a bad time and it seems that you'd been trying to help her (based on what you said--I didn't read the other threads). One other thing...people get turned off by the threat of the YAGE--yet another grand exit. I can't say that I care one way or another, but I've read lots of comments on it before.

 

[Ladyhawke10]

I thought I was asking her to clarify in kind of a whimsical way, because I'd been trying to follow her plans for awhile (via her posts asking for help) so I could keep in mind what she was looking for in my responses. I only felt criticized by the OP, not by others in the thread, which bothered me because I thought I was trying to help and had been trying to keep up for quite some time already. Prior to this incident, I had notified the moderators because I was wondering if the OP knew how to use the boards correctly. I didn't think there was anything rude about asking her for clarification...I have now started to wonder if she really wants people (like me) who to try to keep track of people's questions so as to give them worthwhile advice, or if she is merely playing around on the boards.

Oh well, it's long over with. It just caused me to wonder if sticking around was a good idea, but it sounds like I'm not alone!

And by the way, I didn't mean to start this thread as a way of harboring support against anyone else on the DIS at all......I was just feeling alienated and wanted to talk about others' responses to issues that I was having.