Feeling like a miserable person tonight.

[GEM]

My grandmother's sister's daughter (following that?) had a little girl very prematurely two weeks ago. She was born at 27 weeks (just like Paul) and was just a bit bigger than him - 1lb and 13oz. The reports are that she is doing pretty well.

This isn't someone I'm really close to or anything, although we're just about the same age. We've seen each other at weddings, funerals, some family holidays, etc. over the years - but we've certainly never kept in contact with each other or had any sort of relationship with each other beyond polite conversation a few times a year.

Since the baby was born, I've really been feeling like I need to contact her. My mother has been hinting around that I should call her or go see her and the baby (about a 3 hour drive), since I know what she's going through. And, I know she's right. I should have done something - at least sent her a card and a gift or something - before now.

The thing is, I just can't seem to do it. I pick up the phone or sit down to write a note, and I just start feeling all panicky inside. I feel sick. I can't even think about going to visit her or the baby without feeling like I can't breathe and my heart starts racing and this feeling of absolute dread comes over me. I just can't face the thought of talking to her about this. So, I've been avoiding it - and I feel bad.

I don't know what I'm having such a hard time with this. Paul is doing great, and I thought I was over all that trauma. I do lots of speaking for the March of Dimes and I've told Paul's story and discussed the issues of prematurity at a zillion luncheons, meetings, etc. over the past two years. So, why do I have a panic attack every time I think about contacting this girl?

It's funny, the things you think you're over - and then you find out you're not. I know I need to get over this and reach out to this poor mom - but I'm having a hard time doing it.

Thanks for listening.

 

[YourMajesty]

I'm not sure what to say. In a different way I can relate to a traumatic birth experience. I often have times I wish I has done this or that for others but whatever you decide any help/contact/ or infromation you can give her will make you feel better. She may not wnat any advice but just to let her know you care and understand would be great. Good luck...I'm years past a birth (not premature with mostly good outcomes) and the pain does get better. You will always remember. So glad to hear you little boy is doing so well. It's just amazing what they can do for premature infants.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

It's natural to not want to relive the fear and worry you faced during those hard times.

I think you ought to call her. There isn't a lot to say except for offering your good thoughts, your prayers...and the thought that you've made it through to the other side.

If you think back to how you were feeling when Paul was born prematurely, think about how a phone call may have cheered you up for a day.

You're probably also uniquely qualified to know what kind of help she could use right now. Share that information with loved ones who are closer to her.

Above all, don't worry about it anymore. If calling gives you too much pain, drop her a card or e-mail.

 

[GEM]

I think you ought to call her. There isn't a lot to say except for offering your good thoughts, your prayers...and the thought that you've made it through to the other side.

Oh, I know. You are absolutely right. It would have meant the world to me, when I was in that position. Everybody was just so wonderful and supportive to us during everything we went through with Paul, and it made a huge difference - and that's why I can't understand why I'm being so selfish about this. I'm going to make myself suck it up and call her tomorrow. I know I'm being ridiculous. I'm just really disappointed with myself for feeling like this.