Feeling horrible ...just had to call the school.

[Tinker74]

Oh dear...i hate things like this and now iam all shaky and questioning myself..I would love some advice .
My Ds 14 just came home with his georaphy result fron end of yr exams..its normally one of his strongest subjects...well it was till he got a differnt teacher in september...he is convinced this teacher hates him..he tells me he is rude and hostile to him...and my ds doesn't enjoy geography any more.
I have done nothing about this as I hate to go the school about things..iam just not that way.
Anyway long story short..last week I called the school...I bit the bullet and asked them really nicely if my son could have the other lovely teacher for geography next yr...I was told that it depended on the time table ...which of course I understood so I left it at that.
My son comes home today convinced he has been unfairly marked on his geography exam..he has been through it in school and feels strongly that the teacher has been unfair...he has NEVER thought this before and he has worse marks ..especially for spanish.LOL.
i didn't know what to do...DS wanted me to write a letter asking if he could bring the exam paper home as he wanted to show me and DH. Apparently the teacher wouldn't let DS bring it home..he told him it was "his property"...and he not my sons.
Anyway...I reluctantly called the school to speak to this teacher...i wasn't sure what to say...but thought we should discuss the problem as my son obviously thinks there is one.
I got through to him and right from the start he was HORRIBLE to me...i totally see what my son means by him...he accused me of being insulting..implying things..He was just rude to me...I couldn't believe it..he threatened to end the call as he didn't like the things I was saying..But honestly hand on heart i was polite throughtout.
Now Iam really upset..I was in tears after the call.Did I do the wrong thing?
I have never had to call the school about anything till now so I have no experience...I thought I was right to call up...and speak directly to the man rather go over his head.
Oh..hell..Have I done wrong?

 

[arieliwish]

No you have not done wrong, you are perfectly within your right to speak to your child's teacher if there appears to be a problem. However, he was definitely in the wrong to speak to you like that - now you can go to your child's head of year or head of school and make a complaint - firstly about how your child feels about this teacher/teaching/results and secondly about how you were spoken to by him when raising a valid issue.

Make it clear you want this to be taken seriously and you want to see action taken, and if not you can speak or write to your LEA.

You have to look out for your kids, think of the loudest most arrogant parent you know and think how they would have reacted. It's always been the same at our schools, things get done for those that shout the loudest and make the biggest fuss.

Good luck, but don't feel bad at all, he's the one who seems to have a problem, and our taxes pay his wages - remember that!

Lynn

 

[scottishsue]

I wouldn't say you have done anything wrong at all. You and your DH have a right to know what is happening with your son at school. If he is clearly unhappy with this teacher, which he obviously is, the school should make allowances and sort something out.

It's not right that a child should be unhappy at school. Maybe you and your DH should go to the school and see someone a bit higher in authority.

Hope everything goes ok for you !

 

[Tinker74]

Oh..thanks so much lyn..I really needed to hear that..
I've been worrying that the staff will think iam one of those arrogant parents for calling in the first place...I just don't know how usual it is to discuss an exam mark in this way...he acted so angrily I just wasn'r expecting it.
I was a bit too honest with him..i told very nicely that my son doesn't geography anymore and that his marks with the lovely previous teacher.
were high eighties
I supposed in a round about way i was questioning his teaching..but i wasn't shouting or being rude..(or so I thought_)..yet he acted like I had no right to say this to him.
I suppose that is why Iam worried..Is it wrong to say that to a teacher?
I wish I could contact LEA...but its a private school..so I suppose the fees we pay pays his waged..LOL.
my DH was furious that I was in tears and is going to call up speak to the head and demand an apology and to get the exam marked by another teacher.
i hate confrontation though...i think I'd rather let it go.

 

[Lisash]

Ooooh people like that make my blood boil. Just because he's a teacher doesn't make him superior. You definately did the right thing in calling. It's clearly his problem, he was rude to you because you were telling the truth and deep down he knows he is in the wrong. Don't let his attitude to intimidate you, I would insist on a meeting with him and the head of year or head teacher to sort this out as soon as you can. Good luck

 

[Tinker74]

I wouldn't say you have done anything wrong at all. You and your DH have a right to know what is happening with your son at school. If he is clearly unhappy with this teacher, which he obviously is, the school should make allowances and sort something out.

It's not right that a child should be unhappy at school. Maybe you and your DH should go to the school and see someone a bit higher in authority.

Hope everything goes ok for you !

Thanks sue...I needed a hug.
Just starting to feel a bit better now...Iam rubbish at things like this.

 

[lostinwonderland]

I think the way you acted was right...

When I was in my first GCSE year (also at a private school) I had an awful History teacher who would say horrible things about me when I wasn't in class to everyoe else(I was ill a lot that year, not just colds but in hospital and stuff) and of course it would get back to me and I'd then be scared to go.. Would criticise me in class and say that I was obviously incapable of stuff and just really awful.., In the end I dropped history... This is because I wasn't brave enough to come home and tell my mum let alone a teacher!

I wish I had done something about it..

If this teacher put you in tears and insulted you, then that is out of order...

But also think what he may be saying behind closed doors in a class room of children...

I think getting in contact with his form tutor or the headteacher would be a very good idea.. And also ask to see the exam, because it's only right that you would want to see it, you are paying his wages, and you want to know how your son is getting on... If he refuses to show it to anyone what is he hiding?

Good luck!

 

[carolfoy]

I can't offer ny help other than to say my sons marks tend to depend solely on his relationahip with the teacher he has that term, consequently they've always been really up and down, I feel that if your son thinks this teacher has a genuine problem with him then you can only listen and believe him, i think teachers do have favourites and other members of the class can suffer because of that.

 

[jen_uk]

I admit that sometimes there are students that are likeable than others but I always make sure that I treat them the same.
I agree that he was completely wrong to be so rude to you and you should request a meeting to sort this out.

However, I also want to stick up for teachers!! When students fail they will and do blame everything but themselves! I had a student who was a nightmare in class, she refused to ever complete her work, she was rude, she used to text all lesson and was just terrible. I contacted her parents and of course her defense was that I didn't like her and was picking on her. Thankfully there had been an LSA in all of the classes who backed me up on what her behaviour was really like.

 

[wils]

I think the way you acted was right...
When I was in my first GCSE year (also at a private school) I had an awful History teacher ... Would criticise me in class and say that I was obviously incapable of stuff and just really awful..,
Good luck!

Me too. I enjoyed history and did well enough but it never seemed good enough (I remember getting 94% for a project and he still had a go at me in front of the class) I dropped History as soon as I could as it wasn't worth the grief.

OP You have taken an appropriate interest in your child's performance which doesn't seem to be what it once was. The fact that the teacher seemed so defensive makes me think there might be something in what your son is saying and at the very least the teacher was unprofessional.

You've tried to tackle the problem at source but now you need to go above his head (to the head) as you now have an issue with the teacher as well as your son.

Best wishes

 

[Tinker74]

I admit that sometimes there are students that are likeable than others but I always make sure that I treat them the same.
I agree that he was completely wrong to be so rude to you and you should request a meeting to sort this out.

However, I also want to stick up for teachers!! When students fail they will and do blame everything but themselves! I had a student who was a nightmare in class, she refused to ever complete her work, she was rude, she used to text all lesson and was just terrible. I contacted her parents and of course her defense was that I didn't like her and was picking on her. Thankfully there had been an LSA in all of the classes who backed me up on what her behaviour was really like.

This is what worried me...I don't want to seem like one of those parents who never blames their child.
Iam sure the school would know this isn't the case...At parents night every single teacher said great things about DS...what a lovely boy polite etc..except for the geography teaher...it was as if he was talking about a different boy to the other teachers....But he had no real bad things to say so instead he ranted to me for 10 mins about how DS had written his name too big in the text book...no mention of anything else.
I just smiled and assured him i would speak to DS about it...I thought that was odd but just forgot about it till this.
Perhaps my son is overeacting and trying to blame the teacher for his mistakes but I don't know..i've never known him to say this about a teacher before...he honestly likes all his other teachers.

 

[mandymouse]

Ooooh people like that make my blood boil. Just because he's a teacher doesn't make him superior. You definately did the right thing in calling. It's clearly his problem, he was rude to you because you were telling the truth and deep down he knows he is in the wrong. Don't let his attitude to intimidate you, I would insist on a meeting with him and the head of year or head teacher to sort this out as soon as you can. Good luck

I totally agree, you did the right thing, and I think your next step would be to involve the Year Head or Headteacher

Sending you lots of hugs

Mandy

 

[natalielongstaff]

you did the right thing and you should definatly foloow up with a talk to the head

good luck

 

[irongirlof12]

Right then... ask for an appointment to see the head teacher. plan out what you want to say, be polite but get you points across. Ask for his work to be reassessed as he has always performed well in the subject before. Advise the Head that you think your DS and the Teacher do not communicate well and you request that he be taught this subject by another teacher as this would be a good resolution for both parties.

If you get no joy write to the trustees. You are well within your rights to take his further and get to the bottom of this matter. He should not have been rude to you on phone, and you need to resolve this.

 

[jns]

sending you some and
You are doing the right thing

 

[Tinker74]

Thank you all soooo much..all your comments and advise have really helped me feel better
I was so worried I'd overstepped the mark by calling the teacher..his reaction made me wonder if i'd done something really out of order by wanting his work looked at again....you've all helped me see that I wasn't that bad.
Thank you all...

 

[foxylady]

You are definitely doing the right thing, although I know what you mean - sometimes you feel as though you are back at school yourself!!

Just remember, your DS is 14 and will soon be taking his GCSE's. This is his future we are talking about, and you have every right to question why his work has suddently deteriorated.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Sending you lots of

 

[Minniespal]

Hope it all works out well for you

 

[Tinker74]

Thanks .... ...Just to update..i had a call from the head this morning..she was apologetic and so was I...I tried to play the whole thing down a bit as I was starting to feel it had all blown up out of proportion and that maybe my DS had been wrong about the exam being deliberatly marked down.
Anyway she said she had looked through the paper herself and compared it too some other bright kids exams who got top marks...she said she can see where DS lost marks and that some of his answers were a bit "airy fairy".
She asked if it would be OK for her to have a word with DS low key and go over the paper with him pointing out how he could have improved his mark.

So all in all..Iam now left feeling a bit silly...but also feeling let down a bit that my DS has gone from geography high flier to having his ariry fairy answers pointed out to him by the head.

I REALLY hope they took notice of our request to have the other teacher next yr though..
Thanks again everyone for helping me feel better about this...I hate situations like this.

 

[wilma-bride]

I'm glad it's getting sorted. It sounds very much like your son and this teacher's dislike (or whatever it is) of each other has affected your son's work in this subject. Even thought he head has checked his exam and found that he hadn't been marked down, it still suggests that there's a problem just by the fact that it used to be something he was good at. Don't feel bad about making a fuss - us Mums always want to do right by our kids.

I hope he gets a different teacher next year and this allows him to 'shine' again

PS Looks like you head off to WDW the same day as us