Father/Son visitation issues

[ohiomom28]

I have a 9 year old DS, his name is Cody. His father and I were never married, we split up 3 years ago. He has been with his GF since then. His dad is on the birth certificate but as far as custody goes, I have full custody and he has no legal rights to him. I have never tried to keep Cody from his father and at 1st things were going well. We shared a schedule every week and weekend. Some problems came about with his father and I and he was served with a Temporary Protection Order. He went 2 months not talking or seeing Cody because of this. Since then he never kept a schedule and would usually see him 1 night a week. This has gone on for 2 years. His relationship with his GF is not stable and he has many problems with her. She is almost obsessed with me and afraid we will get back together. Anybody I have talked to that also knows her says all she does is talk about me. I think she has a lot to do with why he doesn't have much to do with Cody. I hate that he has chosen her and her family over his son. Things were going ok for awhile, on July 3rd, we had a little spat over her being mean to Cody and he hasn't seen Cody since. He hasn't spoken to him in 2 weeks. This is killing my son to not see or talk to him! I had been in some contact with his dad via Email and he said he was trying to leave his GF and to give him a couple weeks to get it taken care of. I agreed but thought he would still keep in contact. He isn't responding to my emails anymore. My mom and my BF agree that I should just let it go and not push him to see him anymore, but I hate that he is doing this to my son! I can't see just letting it go. What should I do?? Any advice would be appreciated!

 

[Darcy03231]

Unfortunately there is no way to make your ex see your son. Quite honestly, given what you've said about his girlfriend, I wouldn't want my child exposed to her anyway.

My ex has had an on/off relationship with our children since they were little. I've never interferred in it. I've let them know that they can see their father whenever they can arrange it. They're now 16 & 18 and have very little to do with him - and he wonders why. I never bad-mouthed him, would just say when the asked why they couldn't see him that I didn't know and they'd have to talk to him about it. I did keep them busy with friends and family, especially over the holidays and weekends.

I think the best thing you can do is to reassure him that its nothing either he did or you did, its something to do with his dad. Some counseling may help if he's having a hard time with it.

 

[ohiomom28]

I have made it clear that if he wants to see Cody, she is to be nowhere around. I have been keeping him busy, we are moving next week and football also starts. Thanks!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree with your mom and BF. I would let this go for now because pushing right now when he is with a crazy women will do more harm than good.

I would just explain to your son that things are upset right now and you are going to use some patience in the hopes that things settle down.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[DVCLiz]

OP, could you get your son a cell phone? That way he can feel that he can contact his dad with a call or a text even when he can't physically be there with him. It might be a good solution that would help your son feel more in control.

 

[EthansMom]

Nothing you do or say will change your son's father. He has to make his own decisions and be his own person (for better or worse).

IMO, you should concentrate on your son and his well-being. Emailing and calling his father (except to coordinate pick-up/drop-off) won't help anyone. At 9 years old, your son is old enough to call or email his dad on his own.

Unfortunately, Cody's dad may not want to have much of a relationship with him. Fortunately, Cody has you in his life... Imagine what you could do if you took all of the energy you've been spending on worrying about Cody's dad and focused it on just being there for Cody.