Family Wedding Advice

[Gillian]

I'd probably just go, and take DH with me so I'd have a good time. We'd get a sitter for the kids and make a night/weekend of it. You're going to have a send a gift anyway, so you might as well go to the party. And I'd make sure we got a brunch invite.

I'd also consider saying something, but you want to keep the peace. People get very worked up about weddings.

I can understand how you must feel. My DD has a cousin the same age (4). Another SIL offered to take the cousin to dance class (pay for it, drive, etc.) but even though I was sitting right there, didn't offer to take DD. I kind of stewed about it for a while, but kept to myself. Well now, 3 months later, SIL is offering to take both girls so I was upset for nothing. I realize your situation is different, but with cousins so close in age it can be difficult.

 

[tweedlemom]

It just sounds like this is really an emotional topic and that there must be a lot of tension in your family due to this whole "kids at the wedding" issue. I personally believe whose names are on the wedding invitation are the only people invited, end of story. Bride and groom have the right to choose, they're paying for it, they have to make cuts somewhere or they end up inviting everyone and the costs get out of hand, etc. But I also believe that the #1 reason you should attend someone's wedding is because you want to be there to share the happiest day of their life with them on THEIR day. If you ask yourself "why do I want to go to this wedding?" and the answer is something OTHER than "I want to share this special day with the bride and groom" then you have your answer. Don't go if your heart is not in it for them.

 

[JoiseyMom]

There is not enough room here to put down the family dynamics. And they really don't matter. Yes there are family issues. The bottom line is, I was told no kids. My 2 DN's are invited, and 1 is the same age, grade, school, and freinds as my DD. I am hurt for her being slighted. MY dd is so much better behaved then my DN, but that is neither here nor there. I would not have been upset if they invited DD and NOT DS, since he is 6. And yes, their wedding their list their choices.

And btw, if I am not going to the wedding, I will probably not send a gift (as in as much as I would have given if I was there) as if I went. The person hurt the most will probably be my Aunt. I just wonder if they are going to tell her before the wedding or let her find out that night? But if I have a choice to hurt my aunt or my DD, well that's an easy one.

And another thing that I have been thinking about, which my DH brought up to me. What would my mom be saying about all this?? She would be PO"D, and would make a hugh stink. My mom would not be happy about this at all. I am just going to say sorry, can't come.

If I don't go, I will not lie and say it is about a sitter, I will tell the truth, I don't like being lied to. I was told there were no children, and DN's are children. That isn't fair to my kids. DH and I don't feel comfortable going where our children aren't included.

When my eldest gets married (if he doesn't do something smart like elope!), I will invite them all, and if they come they come, if they don't they don't.

Thanks for all the advice guys.

 

[Erin1700]

I agree with you and would not attend either. This sounds like something my family would do and I want no part of it. I would also not send a gift.