Family is making me crazy!

[kyra's mommy]

Try planning a trip for 20! 10 adults and 10 kids (most of whom had never been to DL or at least since they added DCA) staying in ONE HOUSE! I actually wanted to go home early, I was so done dealing with everyone and everything.

That cracked me up. I think staying in the same house adds a whole other level of stress. Lol.

 

[Pesky]

Sooo, lesson learned: book the vacation the way you want it as they are going to end up doing their own BSC thing anyway. So why stress about it early on? You can inform them as to what you are doing and where you are staying and so on. If they are game for it, great -- they can make their own reservations and own plans. If not, your vacation is still intact. Win-win. They've done this to you at least twice so I would fully expect it to occur again. So don't let them take you for a ride next time.

 

[DisneytheKid]

Also, hello from Gilbert! Seems like there are quite a few Arizonans on this thread!

 

[3Minnies1Mickey]

That cracked me up. I think staying in the same house adds a whole other level of stress. Lol.

At the end of 5 days I told them I didn't want to see any of them for a LONG LONG time......they were my in laws....does that help?

 

[nannyz]

I wish I had the problem you guys have.
We only have 5 adults and 4 kids left in our family. Everyone else has passed on.
I hope you have a happy vacation with your family.

 

[lk2500]

If they want to join YOU, great, if they would rather do something else, don't stress about it, it's not worth it.

I think this is the most important thing.

Just mention in passing that you're really looking forward to spending time with them at Disney but realistically there's going to be times where logistics aren't going to be in synch. So if we go off on tangents from each other during the day - so be it, if we stay in synch so be it.... main goal is to have fun!

 

[kyra's mommy]

Also, hello from Gilbert! Seems like there are quite a few Arizonans on this thread!

Hello neighbor! I'm off of Higley and Ray. It's getting hot around here. Time to leave, it's time to head to Disneyland. I think we all think the same way...

 

[DisneytheKid]

Ha ha, yes it is almost escape time! Thats a nice area, we're at Lindsay and Guadalupe. Hope the family situation improves!

Hello neighbor! I'm off of Higley and Ray. It's getting hot around here. Time to leave, it's time to head to Disneyland. I think we all think the same way...

 

[chrissiecutie]

I am sorry they are driving you nuts.

My opinion is there is a lot going on here besides the money/hotel issue. Maybe they just plain do not want to vacation with you and are saying they can't afford it as a way to try and get out of it. Maybe BIL wants to participate but his wife doesn't or vice versa. I'm not trying to be harsh or rude. Maybe they would prefer to save their vacation days for trips for just the two of them or with their kids alone. DH and I do not wish to ever travel with anyone else -- family or otherwise. And, I'll be honest again, going on a trip for someone in our family celebrating their 40th bday just wouldn't be a high priority of ours. Especially if that family member already did a big trip to celebrate.

I have to agree with Carrie on this one!

No one in my family takes big trips for a 40th birthday, how lucky are you!!

Every year my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, close family friends, boyfriends, girlfriends...you get the idea, would rent a house on the Oregon coast for a week. We would all stay in this one house, until we grew in numbers that we needed 2 houses and we would split the cost of the house. My parents used to gripe that one of my aunts wasn't paying her fair share and was basically allowed to stay for free because she "couldn't afford it". Meanwhile she's driving a Lexus and sporting a diamond the size of glacier.

My feeling then and now on my Aunt's behavior and lack of ability to pay her fair share was that she was just after attention. She wanted everyone to feel sorry for her & bend over backwards to accomodate her and her kids. Which is usually what happened.

So what I learned is that you have a few choices;

either stop inviting them and taking trips with them (my vote!)

invite them & give them an itinerary of what is taking place for YOUR special bday trip complete with hotel, meal reservations and cost summary *this option works best if you are paying for all or most of the trip

OR invite them and let them do their own thing but request that they meet up with your whole family for one night to celebrate your birthday.

As far as the whole money issue...just stop worrying about it. It's not your place and you'll make yourself crazy. No one really knows what goes on in someone else's home so when you make an invitation (to any event) do so without conditions & be happy with outcome.

BTW- my Aunt ended up going to rehab, losing her tiny condo, getting a divorce, remarrying a man for money that she doesn't love, moving in with my grandparents, watch her own children go to rehab & follow in her footsteps ALL the while she clung to that stupid Lexus! She had nothing but she had her Lexus....so really, you never know what's going on & thinking you do is a mistake.

Family can suck but sometimes you have to learn to live AND love in the moment. And for goodness sakes....enjoy that birthday trip!!!