Family Beds???

[DMickey28]

I just read a post that referenced this. Would anyone like to share with me how this works? Pros? Cons?

Do folks decide to do this or is a result of the child sleeping with the parents for too long?

Is this usually both parents and child/ren? Or does one parent have to leave due to space?

I am just curious as some kids I used to babysit had this situation and I was wondering more about it.

 

[midge dionne]

I have had 6 kids. The last two are serious family bed sleepers. I am a single parent now so nobody has to leave the bed although if my grandaughter climbs in I bail out of the full-size bed. They are praised if they stay in their own beds,and they are encourged to sleep alone. I have started a bed-time routine that seems to be working.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

We did the family bed. Mainly because I exclusively breastfed DD. roll over, latch on, go back to sleep. Better than getting up IMHO.

Being a nervous first time parent this also helped me be able to check her breathing. There are some studies that say a newborn will regulate it's breathing to that of it's Mothers. And, the thing that amzed me most, was that I would wake up about 30 seconds before DD-every time. Mother's instinct. I kept doing for 6 months after she was in her own room and own bed. Not so much lately though.

I moved her to her own bed around the same time I weaned her at age 1 1/2. She was just too big for our queen size bed. She liked to sleep pressed against me or laying sideways with her feet in my back. It was hard for about 2 days and then she was fine.

Some say the child won't be independent which is a load of bull. If you met my DD see she is a very independent child.

I could go on for a while, but I have to leave for a wedding now.

 

[issa]

I had a family bed with both my children when they were infants...

I breast fed exclusively and this made that easier..also I belive in the closness and bonding that comes from having my baby close. There are many sides of this and this is sure to be a debate topic. I am not debating it..simply saying what worked best for my family.

With my frist..she slept with me till she was 9 months....and at that time easily switched to sleeping in her crib next to my bed..then we moved it across the room....and she stayed in my room till she was 2....then her own room. We were all happy with this.

My youngest who is now 13 months...slept with us till she was 10 months, with her, she is stubborn and fought sleeping in her crib. we worked with her with play times in her crib, to small naps..to reading to her while she laid down. Dont get me wrong..she did plenty of crying too...but has made a great transistion and falls asleep now with a little rub on her back within 2- 5 mins.


I loved co-sleeping and loved that time with my babies, I was aware of any risks and took precuations (no big fluffy pillows or heavy blankets) My husband and I both cherished waking up with her and cuddling in the morning. and the ease with midnight feedings was well worth it

 

[tonyswife]

Sleep is such an important and personal issue. I don't think there is one right answer for every family. We did family bed with our first baby by accident. She was such a colicy baby, and she had her days and nights mixed up from birth. It was a rough first few weeks, with me not getting ANY sleep at all, until our Pediatrician suggested I take her to bed with me for naps during the day. It worked so well that I started taking her to bed with me at night. We transitioned her to her own bed (a twin mattress on the floor) when she was about 10 months old. When she woke up, I would go sleep there with her for the rest of the night. That lasted for a few months and she began sleeping all night. A few months ago (she's now 2.5) we put her mattress up on a frame. It worked out really well for us.

With our second baby, co-sleeping was by design and from the first night. He sleeps really well and I haven't suffered the weeks of sleep deprivation like I did with my first at all. He's now 5.5 months old and I am starting to transition him. He sleeps in his pack and play in his own room until he wakes up around 2 AM, then I just get him and bring him to bed with me to nurse and sleep the rest of the night.

Anyway, I think parents should try everything that they are comfortable with. Whenever you find the arrangement that works for your family, you should stick to it and be proud of it. The BEST way to arrange sleep in any household is which ever way gets everyone in the family the most quality sleep. I do not understand why this is such a controversy.

All precautions should be taken in a family bed situation, just as they should for a crib sleeping arrangement. There is a great book called "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Panteley that goes over all kinds of strategies to find the best sleeping arrangemnt for YOUR family, whether you want to crib sleep, co-sleep, mix both, nurse, bottle feed, etc... Her book goes over how to do it with a newborn through the toddler years. I highly recommend the book, it's an easy, quick read.

Anyway, that's my opinion.

 

[coliebird]

My daughter, who is 2, will not fall asleep in her crib. When it is her bedtime we lay in my bed. Once she is asleep I put her in her crib and she will stay there most of the night. She wakes up anytime between 3:00 and 6:00 calling for me. At that time I bring her back into our bed. I guess it is not completely a family bed, but it works for us b/c she falls asleep with no problem, yet my husband and I still have our time.

I will say that with my next one, I will do things differently. It is my fault that my daughter doesn't fall asleep on her own. I always held her and rocked her to sleep. Now she needs me there to fall asleep.

I don't know if that answered your question at all, sorry.

 

[Goofymum]

My cousin was allowing her baby to sleep in bed with her. She was afraid the worse that would happen is that he would get spoiled by it. However last month when she woke up she found her baby had inched himself underneath a pillow and suffocated during the night.

 

[coliebird]

Oh Goofymum, I'm so sorry to hear that. What a tragic loss.

You really do need to be careful if babies are in the bed. They make those co-sleepers now that attach to the beds that are supposed to be safer than having the baby in the actual bed.

 

[kasar]

I will say that with my next one, I will do things differently. It is my fault that my daughter doesn't fall asleep on her own. I always held her and rocked her to sleep. Now she needs me there to fall asleep.

We did the same thing. Our DD never wanted to sleep alone, she's been like that from day 1. Maybe it was our fault, maybe that's just who she is but after months and months of fighting and crying (her and me!) we just decided to let her come in our bed during the night. While it's not ideal it's also not a permanent thing. She decided on her own (around 5) to stay in her own bed and (with occasional thunder visits) has stayed there ever since. She's very independent and doesn't seem to be lacking sleep skills or any other things that people warned us about.

When I brought it up to the pediatrician she basically said if it doesn't bother us, it didn't bother her. She knew that it would run it's own course in due time.

 

[HisEllyNelly]

Both my DD and my DS slept in a bassinet right next to the bed. I toss and turn all night every night so I didnt think it was safe to have them in bed with us.

 

[ElizK]

Just before I became pregnant with DD12, my husband's step-brother his 6month old baby girl because she got stuck in the covers between the edge of the bed and the wall. She died! What a tragic, terrible thing to happen. I was soooo paranoid when DD12 was born. DH would bring her to me in the middle of the night so I could nurse her, but I never went to sleep while she was in the bed with me.

 

[chrissyk]

I hope that someone can answer this question for me and DH. We want to get one of those cosleeper things that attaches to the side of the bed when we have a kid. This seems to make nightime nursing easier. Anyways, what do people do about pets? We already do have a "family bed" with our 2 cats, LOL! Do they make crib tents for cosleepers? I doubt that either of my cats would go anywhere near a baby, but I want to be on the safe side. Also, I wouldn't expect the cats to sleep elsewhere once we have a baby. If safety is an issue, we'll scrap the cosleeper idea.

 

[oogieboogie]

My first DS was in our bed until he was 3. He was a colicky baby, and the only way he could sleep was to rub my thumbnail. That pretty much sealed his fate. Since I was unwilling to sit next to the crib for hours on end waiting for him to fall asleep while he's rubbing my thumb, he went in our bed. I did notice it made him a lot calmer too. He's a very independent boy and he's very mature for his age.

Now, his brother however, it was crib from the very first day. As long as he had his thumb and blankie, he was good to go.

Sleeping in our bed is now a priviledge. We'll let them do it on the weekends, and when we do, DH will sleep in their room. However, right now, they're into sleeping on the floor in our room. That works out just fine for me.

 

[tonyswife]

I absolutely acknowledge that dangers exist in the family bed. I advocate creating a safe environment. This means making sure there are no gaps between the headboard/footboard and the mattress, no heavy quilts/comforters, no extra pillows, side rails to prevent falls, etc...

I would like to point out that babies can suffocate in a crib that is not clear of these kinds of things too. No matter where your baby sleeps, make sure you make it as safe as possible.

I am so sorry for anyone who had a baby die. It's such a tragedy.

 

[workinggal]

Doesn't a family bed strain 'maritial relations'?

 

[syncer55]

Its important to have light blankets for cribs to avoid suffocation. A baby's safety is most important.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

This can be a really hot topic on some parenting boards.

Personally I prefer a Marriage Bed over a Family Bed and never had any interest in sharing. My babies all started out in bassinetts in our room, but honestly my husband snores so loud that I always moved them after a couple of weeks because I was convinced he was waking them. He also tosses and turns alot, I would never feel safe with a baby in the same bed.

Reading the parenting boards I always feel so bad for the AP Moms who are posting that they haven't slept for more than 2 hours in nearly 3 years because of the toddler who keeps waking up to nurse. I have also seen more than a few disgruntled Dad's who have been kicked to the couch over space issues in the Family Bed.

I usually preferred getting up to sit in a recliner to nurse the baby. I could never find a comfortable latch on position horizontal in bed. None of my kids had major sleep issues and I like to think allowing them to get comfortable in their own crib/space from the beginning was a factor.

 

[tonyswife]

Originally posted by workinggal
Doesn't a family bed strain 'maritial relations'?

Not if you're creative. In bed at night is NOT the only time and place that "marital relations" can occur. Actually, I think it's important for new parents to remember to focus on their intimacy (not just sex) no matter where the baby sleeps. Sometimes the relationship can get lost when the baby arrives, certainly not intentionally, but it happens. I think this is a good issue to bring up.

 

[decker96]

I think it depends on the child if they have problems sleeping on their own after the family bed or not. As some posters have said some kids had no problem going to their own bed after being in the parent's bed for a long period of time. For others, this is not the case.
My DS (our 2nd child) beginning at about 4 months, would always start out in his own crib, but would end up in bed with us at some point during the night, usually between 1 and 2 in the morning. If we would get him back to sleep and put him in his own bed, he would wake up about every hour crying. Once we'd put him in bed with us, he'd sleep the rest of the night. So, of course we chose sleep over battling with him. When he was 15 months DH and I decided he had to go back to his crib, he was getting too big, kicking us, etc. and we were getting no sleep. It was a terrible three weeks, but he finally seemed to get it, but he still woke up at least once every night (although we didn't bring him into our bed). At 2 we put him in a twin bed. And yes, we began getting nightly visits from him again. He is now almost 4 and still climbs in bed with us at least 4 nights a week, we've tried sticker charts, incentives and good old-fashioned bribing, but he still comes in. He says he likes to snuggle with us. At least now, though he doesn't have to sleep with us all night, we take him back to his bed as soon as he's asleep.
When our 3rd child was born, DH and I looked at each other in the hospital and said, she will NOT be in our bed! LOL!! She's 11 months now and she hasn't been. She's very good about sleeping on her own as our oldest DD always was and is.
The family bed is definitely a personal choice, I know some people that do it that really like it and others that have tried it and hated it. But as a parenting teacher once told me, with kids under 5 anything you do three times in a row becomes a habit for them, so watch out what you start.

 

[shortbun]

Originally posted by workinggal
Doesn't a family bed strain 'maritial relations'?

I have only what my friend told me about her marriage to
go by but they didn't seem to suffer romantically even though
both their children slept with them until they were school age.
The kids had their own rooms but slept in with my friend and
her husband. Seems they were very creative, the parents
that is!