Facebook question

[phorsenuf]

Another aunt checking in.

I'm friends with my nieces and nephews as well as my kids and some of their friends. Its a nice easy way to keep in touch and keep up with whats going on with them. Many of them are away at college so its nice.

I really don't see what the big deal is, unless there's something your daughter is doing you'd rather your family not know about.

How old is your daughter?

 

[Angelhalo]

OP here...my sister that "talks" to my DD needs to get off her computer and get a life. She lives on the computer except for the 15 or 20 hours a week that she works. I know...this is not my problem it is hers. My sister will not cook dinner, clean her house, and I am not joking. She is on the computer ALL the time. I just feel that my DD's facebook gives her a reason to stay on the computer longer.

My DD - is not close to my sisters. Again...neither am I.

This seems like a really weak reason to be so opposed to it. I think you're wayyyy overreacting. Unless they are harming your DD in some way, then I don't see a problem with it. Just because you aren't close with your sisters doesn't mean that it HAS to pass on to your daughter not trying to have some relationship with her aunts. family drama doesn't HAVE to passed from generation to generation.

 

[MushyMushy]

How old is your daughter?

It sounds a bit to me like you're projecting your issues with your family onto your daughter. It's only natural to do that, but in this case, I don't really see the harm. You mention that there's a lot of drama going on with that side of the family, and don't you think that something like this would be a major cause of added drama? I'm a fan of choosing my battles, and this isn't one I'd choose personally.

 

[Mom2Satan&Daisy]

How old is your daughter?

I really don't see a problem with this.

how old do you have to be to have a Facebook?

 

[SydSim]

I know where you're coming from. Kids post things on Facebook about their lives (good or bad - parent stuff, etc.) and you know that your sisters will read it and gossip away with mom and stuff. I have a Facebook page and am linked with some neighborhood kids who have left for college (who I feel are my honorary kids - having known them for over 13 years). I will occasionally send out a "hey, how's it going over there in college" kind of message. I do feel guilty because they may think that I wanted to link up with them in order to report what they were doing to their parents. They're college kids, so there is some kind of stuff here and there. I have not mentioned this to my neighbor friends, though.
When you have a strained relationship with relatives, it's kind of hard to not bring your kids into the drama.

 

[clgwli]

I do not understand why being "friends" with family on facebook is creepy. I am friends with many of my family and it is a nice way to keep in touch with them. I think if you do or say anything then you will be adding to the drama as some PPs have said. I think you should just let it go.

 

[disneymyway]

There's probably more behind this story and more than you could post in this forum; am I right OP?

I'm guessing you have a long history with your sisters judging you as a teenager, as a wife, or as a mother? You feel that they have a lot to say about you behind your back and that this is just one more way for them to say, "You aren't doing a good enough job so we have to help you or our niece's future is doomed.

Whether or not this is what they intend, I respect your feelings. And that said, I think you need to be strong on this one and not get involved. If you remove them, it will just give them fuel against you.

If they start giving your daughter "advice", 2 things might happen. 1, it might be good for your daughter, or 2, it will be really crazy advice and your daughter will see your point. It's really win/win for you if you just let this one go.

I know how you feel though. Believe me I do!

 

[Laura]

OP here...my sister that "talks" to my DD needs to get off her computer and get a life. She lives on the computer except for the 15 or 20 hours a week that she works. I know...this is not my problem it is hers. My sister will not cook dinner, clean her house, and I am not joking. She is on the computer ALL the time. I just feel that my DD's facebook gives her a reason to stay on the computer longer.

My DD - is not close to my sisters. Again...neither am I.

My SIL (DH's brother's wife) sounds like that, except she doesn't work. I don't think that's a good enough reason to "de-friend" someone on Facebook.

Is there something about your family life you would just rather they not know? I'm friends with some family members on Facebook.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

This seems like a really weak reason to be so opposed to it. I think you're wayyyy overreacting. Unless they are harming your DD in some way, then I don't see a problem with it. Just because you aren't close with your sisters doesn't mean that it HAS to pass on to your daughter not trying to have some relationship with her aunts. family drama doesn't HAVE to passed from generation to generation.

I agree. All my life growing up, my dad and mom were not close to their siblings. I never knew any of my aunts and uncles on my dad's side, and although I knew my aunts and uncles on my moms side, she talked so bad about them, I grew to not like them my whole life and did not have a relationship with them.

My mom and dad are now dead, and let me tell you, my aunts and uncles are not the "devils" they were made out to be. They are actually quite fun to be around. My dad's brother is 83yo old, and I could sit and listen to him talk about him and dad growing up all day. My parents had a problem with their siblings, I think it stinks that they made sure we had nothing to do with them our whole childhood.

To the OP...let your DD get to know her aunts. YOU may be the blacksheep of the family, your DD doesn't have to be. If she is old enough to read a book with a sex act in it, she must be an older teen. You are not going to be able to control who she has in her life.

 

[disneymyway]

If she is old enough to read a book with a sex act in it, she must be an older teen. You are not going to be able to control who she has in her life.

I think you are missing the point here (maybe, or then again maybe I am! ). I think the aunts might be thinking that she is not old enough to be reading about it. Maybe she isn't an "older teen".

I was reading books with "sex acts" when I was in 7th grade. I read everything in the library and some of those just happened to pop up once in awhile. I never talked about them to any of my family because they would have tried to censor my reading so I knew enough to just read and keep my mouth shut. I think some of my family would have thought my mom was terrible for "letting" me read stuff that was too adult for me.

Facebook really is a window into a kid's world. If the dd is comfortable letting the aunts into it, then I think I'd back off. I never would have become my family members' face book friends, I know that for sure!! (If there had been such a thing!)

 

[Magic Mom]

I don't understand why you find it creepy. Do you think she would try t0 harm your DD? So far from what you've posted, I don't see what the big deal is. Maybe they (your sisters AND your DD) want a relationship with eachother. If your DD wants to connect with them, and you tell her no because you are insecure, she may grow to resent you for that.
I am "friends" with my niece and nephew on Myspace. It a great way to stay connected with them and chat back and forth without boring them on a long phone call. Lucky for me their mother doesn't think I'm a creep for being interested in their lives.

 

[NMAmy]

My DD has a facebook profile.

She has had it for a while. Just recently, both of my sisters, ages 45 and 48 have asked to be my DD's friend on facebook. My DD, accepted their friendship requests. I wish she would have asked first. I would have told her NO WAY.

I don't know...THIS IS CREEPING ME OUT...and they are my sisters.

My DD is not particularly close to either of my sisters. Heck...I am not particularly close to my sisters. Maybe I am creeped out by this because one of my sisters actually leaves comments every day.

Now - my DD does have other adult friends, mostly related to people from church, related to church activities my DD is involved in. This doesn't bother me at all.

So - I am tempted to tell my sisters that my DD is going to delete them from her friend list at my request.

I don't know...I always feel like there is so much drama on my side of the family, and I always feel like the black sheep. I think any parenting decision I make is going to echo back from one sister somehow to my mom and back through my other sister and I'll look like the parent from heck. Not that I'm going to change my parenting style or anything. It is more that my style is just different than either of my sisters. Case in point...my younger sister (who has a DD the same age as my DD) read me a riot act one day, about my decision to allow my DD to read the "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants" series of books because one of the characters had sex. Umm sorry...my DD, my rules...your daughter gets your rules.

It wouldn't creep me out at all but I don't know your sisters.

My niece is 31 and is one of my teen dd's My Space friends. I like that my niece can let me know if something is weird on there that I should know about.

 

[burberryplaid]

I only have one niece, who is 5 so she doesn't have a Facebook page, but I am "friends" with DH's cousins who are quite a bit younger than me. I don't find it creepy. I rarely visit their pages, but I exchange plesantries with them now and then.

If you don't want them to contact your daughter so much you can adjust their individual privacy options. This will limit what they can see on your daughter's page and you can control their access to things like the "wall" page. It won't stop them from sending your daughter a message via her inbox, but it may give you a little peace of mind. I have friends I only know from being "online" and I have limited what they can see on my page since I don't really "know" them. It works great!

Good luck.

 

[robb01]

I don't see the problem either, if anything it helps bring people closer together, and I think that's a good thing.