Facebook "Friend" Request Refused

[caribear]

I have never been denied a request, but then again I only have 28 "friends." I refuse to have 100's of so called "friends" viewing all my info. I remember high school being so "clickish"....and now with the creation of Facebook everyone from my high school graduating class (I graduated high school in the early 90's) wants to be my "friend" and check out all of my personal details....no thanks. I have a couple of good friends who have over 600 "friends" listed on FB and I can tell you that most of those were never their friends.

FB is a great way to stay in contact with my relatives and close friends and that is what I use it for.

When I contact people I knew years ago I always include a message with my friend request...this way it makes it more personal and if they don't recognize you at first glance it might trigger their memories.

 

[Feralpeg]

My nephew refused my friend request. Apparently, he did not want his aunt seeing too much about his personal life.

 

[dislaney]

I really wouldn't take it personally. As you can see from the posters here, some people would rather just be facebook friends with a very small circle of people and value their privacy. Others are friends with anyone they have every come in contact with and then there are also those in between.

Personally, I accept requests from anybody that I know, but I do sometimes limit the information that some of them can see but that is just me.

 

[tonilea]

I have refused a few people. Students, even though there is no clear cut policy and I am only a sub, just doesn't seem right, ya know? I refused some chick I didn't recognize but was offering to send someone nude pics on her wall.... not my thing. Also a woman that DH (a police officer) has to deal with frequently in a professional capacity - not her, but her wayward offspring.

The truth is my pastor is on my friends list, I don't put any thing on there I wouldn't want him to read.

I don't think I have ever been refused, but I am not crazy about rejections, so I don't often "friend" people. LOL

 

[horseshowmom]

I am pretty anti-facebook and only set up an account at the urging of a good friend.

If they were people I was honestly interested in connecting with (and not just some random person I maybe knew 10+ years ago) I would probably already be in touch with them in my normal life.

I have thought about deleting several people who I had previously accepted because I find their fb posts annoying or shallow and do not have time for it.

I ignore all the time. Why would I want casual acquaintances to see my pictures, my updates and some of the info I post about my life. If I wouldn't stop and show/talk to you about something in real life, why would I on facebook.

I tend to look at it a lot like these two posters. IRL I tend to be somewhat reserved and private, so that kind of manifests itself on FB as well. I have a very small number of "friends" on FB (and would have fewer if I could have).

I've actually been considering closing my FB account due to some issues that have come up. There are people that I'm friendly with at work, but we aren't friends outside of work. We're friendly enough that I feel obligated to accept them (which led to an issue with our boss getting her feelings hurt because everybody knew about something through FB that she didn't know and felt like nobody was sharing with her - that wasn't it, it's just that everybody already knew through FB and probably assumed she knew). There are also family members I have accepted because I didn't want to hurt their feelings (as mentioned on this thread ) that post everything they do minute by minute in excruciating detail. There have been some other things that have popped up in the short time I've been on FB that have been a problem (particularly people that I really don't want to resume contact with after many years).

I'm just really not sure that it's worth the hassle (and I'm seldom on it)!

 

[dclfun]

I agree not to take it personally. I refuse to join Facebook and as such, I ignore every request to be a "friend". I often wondered how the requests even came to my email as I'm not and never will be signed up on FB. ---Kathy

 

[WdwforLife]

Have you ever sent a "friend request" to someone on Facebook and they refused?

I recently found another old school friend so I sent a friend request. Her picture appeared in my friends with "friend request pending", but the next day it was gone. Apparantly she refused my request. I have no idea why. I see her occasionally where she works and we always chat for a few minutes. I would love to know why she doesn't want to be friends on Facebook but I'm not going to bother asking. Obviously she has her reasons, but for the life of me I sure can't figure out what they would be.

I have had friend requests from people I don't know, and I refuse those, but I don't think I would ever refuse someone that I do know/did know in school.

Has that ever happened to you?

Please. I had a friend of 9 years whom, I thought I was still in touch with and good friends with, delete me from FB, then deny my request twice, hang up on me when I called him and ignore various texts and messages. Who the heck knows why it happens. 9 years. He was the nicest guy you could ever meet. We hardly talked because he lives in LA. All of a sudden, poof, gone.

A girl I went to high school with who I stayed friends with for a bit afterwards has denied requests of mine.

People are fickle people.

 

[mrs.sammich]

I don't fully understand the facebook thing myself. I have it, I'm way too nosy, and check it way too much. However, I never post much on it. I've gotten friend requests from HS, and sadly, I cannot remember who these people are. I graduated in the early 90's, and I should, but if I didn't bother to keep tabs on them or care enough to remember their name, I don't 'need' them on my facebook page. I hope this doesn't make me sound mean.

I like to use it for family and people I see at least a few times a year. I have friends of family that ask to be my friend. I've just not answered them because I know I don't need to know what they do every day..:scared
Rejection is a tough thing, but at least I feel like I have control over who sees what I post.

 

[MushyMushy]

Oh what's worse is when they decline the request, then proceed to friend all of your other friends AND spouse when you know darn well that they don't even know your spouse. Really makes you wonder!

 

[DMRick]

This is the same for me. I have close friends and family only. So, if I don't accept you, I don't consider you one of the above.

My facebook currently has 37 friend requests sitting all alone. I don't decline people, I just don't accept them. For me, if I'm not close to that person or don't want them knowing even trivial things about my life, I don't accept. It's generally not a matter of me disliking them, just me keeping things private.

 

[richmond282]

I am a teacher and refuse all friend requests from students. No exceptions! They can friend me the day they graduate. I'ts pretty funny to see like 20 friend requests on graduation day. Don't they have anything better to do? It's not that I have anything questionable on my page, it's just that my personal life is my personal life.

 

[bumbershoot]

I have thought about deleting several people who I had previously accepted because I find their fb posts annoying or shallow and do not have time for it.

If you don't want to take that leap, you can just hide them. When they post, just hover over their name in their status update and "Hide" should appear. Click that, and you're set. You can always go to their page and see their updates all at once, if you want, but you don't have to have them bombard you. I've done that to some, and I'm sure that some have done that to me.

Is your page set to private by any chance? I know I have been sent some facebook requests were I couldn't clearly see who the person was by the picture (I'm horrible with remembering names) and they had their page set to private so I couldn't figure out who they were. If I'm not totally 100% sure I know you, I'm not adding you so these people get refused.

It's also so hard if people change their names. I understand that taking a husband's name is American custom, but you gotta include your maiden name if you're not going to include your picture OR a note in your request.

I got a request asking "Is this Dr Molly?" I'm a chiropractor, non-practicing, and that's what my practice members called me, but there were also a few acquaintances that called me that. Unfamiliar last name, no profile pic...I just had no interest in that.

I agree not to take it personally. I refuse to join Facebook and as such, I ignore every request to be a "friend". I often wondered how the requests even came to my email as I'm not and never will be signed up on FB. ---Kathy

Lots of it is just spam. And some of it is when FB members invite their friends to join.

Oh what's worse is when they decline the request, then proceed to friend all of your other friends AND spouse when you know darn well that they don't even know your spouse. Really makes you wonder!

That's just flat out WEIRD! Never had that happen!

 

[Disneyland1084]

I was (am) hurt by it. That's why I don't have many friends on FB, I don't like rejection and take it personally

 

[mlynn]

Yes I have been declined.It doesn't bother me and I try to keep mine to people I was friends with.But for those who just leave request sitting.These people can see your wall even if your private.As long as they are awaiting confrimation they can see all you put on your wall. I found my Niece .I requested her as a friend to see hwat she w ould do when she saw me. Well she just lets me sit in re quest and I see everything she posts it even comes up on my wall when she post stuff.

 

[WdwforLife]

I am a teacher and refuse all friend requests from students. No exceptions! They can friend me the day they graduate. I'ts pretty funny to see like 20 friend requests on graduation day. Don't they have anything better to do? It's not that I have anything questionable on my page, it's just that my personal life is my personal life.

Or maybe you should be flattered? Most teachers I had growing up I wouldn't have wanted to be FB friends (had there been FB) outside of school. But the cool ones, the ones I really liked I would have gone out of my way to friend request.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, this happened to me recently. someone i went to HS with, but was never actually friends with, friended me on facebook. then, a few months later, she made a new page, and started friending people all over again. well, i don't recall sending her a friend request, because i usually don't do that, but i must have, because i've received many notices that she's friended 40-50 other people, but my request is still pending. i have now hidden all of her posts so i don't have to read her ramblings, and honestly, if she never accepts the request i'm fine with it. i'm a little puzzled why she would seek me out to friend me on her original profile, but not on the new one. oh well, w/e.

 

[disykat]

Go to your Account/Privacy/ and then select Custom. Then for each category select Custom. From there you can either set each thing to be viewed by only specific people, or to Hide it from specific people, whichever one is easiest. The easiest thing is to set up your friends into "Lists" and put all the ones you want to keep from seeing your stuff into one group. Then you can actually just customize to hide things from that entire list.

Thanks for such an easy explanation! I did it! My only concern is that people can see what "list" they are on. I ended up labeling my list "high school" and putting most of my high school friends (all the ones that I thought "why on earth are they friending me?") on it.

Can you label your lists without the label being visible? I doubt any of those people are going to go looking at my friend list and wonder why my closer friends from school aren't labeled 'high school,' but you never know!

 

[golfgal]

My facebook currently has 37 friend requests sitting all alone. I don't decline people, I just don't accept them. For me, if I'm not close to that person or don't want them knowing even trivial things about my life, I don't accept. It's generally not a matter of me disliking them, just me keeping things private.

Depending on your settings if someone has a friend request out to you, they can get updates and see your account. You are better off removing the requests.

I am a teacher and refuse all friend requests from students. No exceptions! They can friend me the day they graduate. I'ts pretty funny to see like 20 friend requests on graduation day. Don't they have anything better to do? It's not that I have anything questionable on my page, it's just that my personal life is my personal life.

Very good policy. Our kids are "friends" with the band directors because they use their pages to get information out to the kids that way but other than that they aren't "friends" with any teachers.

 

[aduck126]

I refuse a lot of people on facebook that I knew/know or dont talk to. There is no reason people that i have not talked to in 5 years or people I have recently met once through a friend need to be friends with me. I also only have like 50 friends on facebook too. I limit it to family and people I can call on the phone and have a conversation with. So I would not be upset about this.

 

[JessicaR]

My maiden name is rare. I am almost positive anyone with the same last name is related. I get requests from people with the same last name - problem is they don't speak english. I havent accepted any.