Experience with moving to a new state with a teen ager????

[mamajoan]

Hi, The head hunter is coming thru with some great options for dh, so moving back to Illinois may become a reality by July.
However it is definitely not a done deal and there are many IF"S in the whole equation.
We have moved MANY times due to the Marine Corps etc. However, we have never moved any of the kids while they were in High School. DS is currently a sophmore and will be 16 in July. He is very social now, has a good and varied group of friends. He also is in Academic Decathlon and on the Wrestling team. He is a kind soul, but leary of others at times. He takes a long time to make friends with strangers. He told me last week that he would not give us trouble about moving.. but he would NOT be happy about it at all. He has spent nearly his entire life in Ca.

Does anyone have any suggestions about this situation? Any positive thoughts about moving with a teen would be helpful.
He is my major concern regarding the move at the moment.

Thank you so much for all your help.
Joan

 

[MerryPoppins]

No advice, just hugs from someone who is in the same situation. If you do move, I'll be looking forward to advice from you!

DH will lose his job next spring. They are closing our plant. The job market here is terrible. We'll have to take a major cut in pay to stay here. DS will be 16 next month. He has a lot of friends and is involved in band, swimming, etc. It will be very hard for him to start over somewhere else. We'd be puttin him in a new school as a Junior. Not what I had envisioned at all. DD is more resiliant. She is in middle school and would be going into the 8th grade when we move. I think she'd adjust just fine.

 

[grinningghost]

No personal experience here, but my former neighbor moved all three of her teenagers to California a couple years ago. Amazingly, all adjusted wonderfully - and pretty fast. Her son immediately got himself involved in high school sports and her daughters joined their new school's band. It helped them alot in making new friends and feeling a part of a group. They're still there and surviving quite nicely. Good luck!

 

[mtemm]

We moved a bunch of times growing up, but the only time any of us was in high school was when we moved from California to Boston. I was in College and had planned to transfer to a new college, anyway, so it didn't have much of an affect on me. My younger sister was a junior in high school when it was decided, and the move was the summer before her senior year. she basically told my parents that no way was she starting at a new high school. She decided to take her GED and try an early entry to college around Boston. It was too late for the early entry apps in most places, so she ended up working for a year, then heading off to college when she would have had she stayed for senior year.

She missed having her prom, her graduation, but I don't think she wanted to do that in a new school.

Having said that, obviously its different as a sophomore. I remember kids who transfered into my school in high school in their soph/jun years...some did fine...they joined in, were open and friendly. Others had a tougher time. I would just make sure that he gets involved with some type of club or team sport. Think it makes for an easier adjustment.

 

[mrsmom]

I just did this to my kids( 5,9,11,16) last Oct, My husband got transfered and we moved back to ohio which we lived 7 year ago.
My oldest is 16 and she hated to move but didn't give us any trouble, she is on the honor roll here with Straight A's and really doesn't like the school but she misses her friends alot , she talks to them on the internet and i let her call them too, she is coming around but she is a junior and she really hates not graduating with her friends because she is real shy and doesn't seem to really care about having friends here at this school, maybe her senior yr will be good, I would talk to your son and let him know that you do care how he feels but this is something that you need to do for your family .If he need to talk to someone who's been threw it let me know and dd will talk to him.
Good luck! and I hope everything works out.
mrsmom

 

[Evil Princess]

I don't want to be a downer here, but my grandparents moved my father when he was a sophomore in high school and HE STILL talks about it. Really hasn't forgived his father for it. He never fully adjusted and really didn't come out of his shell until college because of it. Hated high school and missed his friends very much. He was always shy, and the kids didn't accept him after spending 11 years with just each other.

It's a rough time to move.

 

[FairyGF]

No advice here, but just wishing you all the best of luck what ever you decide. We live in a university town where many families are moving in and out, it is rare to meet anyone here who is originally from here. Have witnessed a few "pouty" teenagers who moved from elsewhere {some from other countries and English is a second language for them}, but were out and about with new friends before long. We moved from MA to VA when my children were 11, 13, and 14 years old. One was OK, one cried to leave behind friends, and the other was just angry. They all have a great circle friends here now, and are happy to have moved after all. My approach was to keep them busy, let them have their feelings {even the negative ones} being supportive and waiting it out. }

 

[phamton]

It really does depend on the child. We have 5 children and when we moved we had one child (girl going into 10th grade), twins (boy & girl) going into 7th grade, and 2 boys going into kinder and 1st grade.

Our oldest girl had been a cheerleader all through middle school and was a cheerleader as a freshman in high school. She had just made varsity cheerleader for 10 th grade and then we moved 600 miles away. It was in the summer and too late to try out for cheerleader at her new high school but she was allowed to be on the drill team after a one-on-one tryout with the coach. The next year (11th grade) she made varsity cheerleader at her new school and also cheered her senior year. She had no trouble being accepted at the new school, made straight A's and also ran track.

Our twins had more trouble fitting into middle school. The only thing that kept them in friends was being in Band. They had lots of friends in thier old school but only a few at the new school. The move was really hard on them.

My two youngest in elem. school had no problems.

 

[ahutton]

I am a teen who was moved MANY times - starting in 6th grade I went to at least on new school a year except for sophomore and junior year. I had new schools in 6th grade mid year, 7th grade was a new junior high, 8th grade a new junior high in a new state, 9th grade was a new high school, 10th-11th was a new high school and back to 9th grade school for senior year. It was often tough, as there are a lot of changes and insecurities during those years whether your home address remains the same or not. That said, I turned out fine. In fact, I like to think I turned out pretty well. The fact that he has activities that he can continue to do in his new school will make it a ton easier to make new friends. In my case I had choir, speech and debate team and dance. I never had a ton of friends, but I always had a few good ones. I did fine in my classes, and graduated on the honor roll. It has also helped me adapt and be flexible in the years after high school and the moving and changes that have come in my own career path (and DH's).