Excuuuse me while I throw a temper tantrum **UPDATE

[minkydog]

DH & I are planning for our 25th anniversary in April. am so pissed off. It's a one week trip to Washington DC and NYC. We planned it for April 17-23 because school is still in session which makes it easier for someone else to take care of Christian( our autistic son) and DD12. DH's sister is always saying she wants to spend time with the kids, she's gonna come up and do something with them. So we asked her to come up and she was all excited.

Scroll down to the bottom if you just want to see how this ends...

I shoulda known better...I sure shoulda known...When has she ever come through for us? NEVER

Today, DH emailed me to say that DSis can't come because her anniversary is that same week. Her 3rd anniversary with her 3rd husband...sheesh! I don't know why this bothers me so much. I mean, she has the right to say, "No, I'd rather spend time on my anniversary with my new husband instead of your mentally ******** kid." Maybe I'm jealous? She has no kids and can drop everything to go places without much notice. Maybe i wanna be like that? Maybe i wish that it was just easier to plan stuff without having to worry about DH's stamina and Christian's routine? the whole thing just about has made me sick. I'm having nightmares almost every night. I wish we weren't going.

There I said it. I wish we weren't going! Or that we were taking the kids. Not because I actually want them to go, but because the planning is so much easier. Of course, if we don't get childcare we WON'T be going. And who wants to take the kids on an anniversary trip anyway?

I hate to ask my 72yo Mother to do it. I'm sure she would like to be asked. She's still active, but Christian is as tall as she is and maybe stronger. I'm caught between having Mother come up, knowing that she really can't handle Christian anymore, knowing that she and DS19 are like oil & water, and wanting to have a nice celebration with my husband. I know she'd say yes, but at what cost? The last time she stayed with the kids was such a disaster I swore I'd never subject them to her tirades again.

I mean, how many people make it to 25 years? and we probably won't have lots of more years, with the state of DH's health. That's why I'm so fixed on making this count. You think I want to go to NYC?? I've NEVER wanted to go there. I do NOT want to go to NYC, but my dear hubby has been asking to go there for about 25 years so I decided I'd make his whole year by putting on a happy face. This isn't a plea for help as much as a rant. We'll work it out somehow.

Back to your regularly scheduled apathy...
****************************************************

UPDATE:
After throwing our various mostly private tantrums, DH & I have reworked our anniversary trip. We agreed that DH cannot tolerate a trip to Washington DC or NYC in the summer heat. So we are going to fly up to NYC for a long weekend, see a show, take a tour and fly back. Our respite provider thinks she can work out respite for Christian for three days and I know we can find someone to take the DD12--she's a piece of cake. AND...

DH SAYS WITH THE MONEY WE'LL SAVE WE CAN GO TO WDW AT THANKSGIVING!


and we're not inviting the SIL

 

[Tiggerlover91]

You know what, I'm gonna say it and you can throw something at me later

If your trip is meant to happen without your son...it will, if not, then so be it. My opinion, maybe, just maybe, there's something BETTER in your future and it can't happen if you're on your way to New York.

 

[minkydog]

I know, I know. I'm just so darn disappointed in our families. We hardly ever get a break. I was just so hoping it would work out. I'm sure it will be okay eventually. Right now I'm just mad

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Right now I'm just mad

And you have every right to be. Be mad, vent, get it out of your system and then just sit back and watch G-d work! You'll be amazed at what He works out for you if you just step back and let Him. I speak from experience mind you.
Blessings to you love.

Denise

 

[mommytotwo]

Does your husband or you have other relatives that can help with watching your kids?
If your husband really wants this trip to New York, then he will find someone or you will also end up taking the kids.
Maybe you can go on a shorter weekend trip the week before or after and have your SIL visit then and help with your kids.

 

[Sleepy]

I'm just so darn disappointed in our families. We hardly ever get a break.

I know you are just venting, but I think you are blaming the wrong people. It's not your family's fault nor their job to give you a break. From the way you talk, it was a longshot finding someone who could stay with your kids. You found someone and now they can't. It happens. That's why they call it "planning". Anniversary outings don't always have to be on the anniversary. Our only time away from our son was on our 10th anniversary and we celebrated it 6 weeks early.

 

[VanniGirl]

Sorry , could you change the dates to be the week later? That way it is not your SIL's anniversary? Maybe split the time between your mom & SIL?

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Congrats on 25 years, BUT don't discount the 3 year anniversary either. My hubby and I are celebrating our 2 year anniversary next month and it will be just as special as our 25th will be.

 

[Marseeya]

I'm sorry your vacation plans aren't working out the way you'd hoped. I'm sure you wouldn't be nearly as angry at SIL if she'd just told you right up front that she couldn't help you out. I mean, she knew her anniversary was that week when she said yes. It just got your hopes up.

I hope it all works out for you and you guys have a great time!

 

[minkydog]

Thanks guys for not flaming me. I know I'm being a baby. You're right--it's not there job to babysit my kids so I can have a vacation trip. You're right. And I'll be better, i promise. We have only a few folks in our families that feel comfortable with DS10 and admittedly, SIL was a long-shot. Our actual anniversary is April 11 and we're not so stuck on the date as we are the season(don't want to go to DC & NYC in the summer ) It's harder for me to take off time from work in the summer.Oh well. We'll think of something, Im sure. Thanks for letting me vent a little with people who won't get their feelings hurt & stay mad forever

 

[Chattyaholic]

I'm sorry things aren't working out for your trip. Would there be any chance of contacting social services to see if there are any services available to you? With you being a full-time caregiver for your autistic son maybe there would be a way to have a nurse stay with him while you're gone? I don't even know if that would be a possibility, but maybe it would be worth a try? With full-time caring for an autistic child I'm sure you really deserve a vacation.

 

[golfgal]

Is there a teacher at your son's school that you could hire to watch him while you are gone? It really sounds to me that you need a break and if you don't have a relative, this might be a good option. Ask at the school, you know they know how to handle your son and you trust him with them there.

 

[wide awake]

I'm thinking the social service help too, but w/ your mom's help...I'd be uncomfortable leaving autistic DS w/ a stranger, but stress about leaving my mom on her own...so the combo would be a possibility for me. I understand the envy part of it. Hope something works out.

 

[minkydog]

See update in first post**

 

[debaudrn]

I'm so glad it all worked out for you and you get an extra trip to WDW too!
BTW, my 22nd anniversary is April 14.
Have 2 wonderful trips!

 

[Hillbeans]

Great news!

If you're wanting to see the Broadway show "The Producers", I got a flyer in the mail yesterday with a code to save up to 40% on tickets. Just let me know and I can give that to you.

 

[Marseeya]

Good news! That sounds like a great plan.

If you don't mind my asking, what is wrong with your DH? I haven't seen anything about it in your posts.

 

[minkydog]

Great news!

If you're wanting to see the Broadway show "The Producers", I got a flyer in the mail yesterday with a code to save up to 40% on tickets. Just let me know and I can give that to you.

Oh, thanks for the offer, but we have seen this not too long ago. We're hoping to get tickets for either "Spamalot" or "wicked" though, so if anybody has a discount for those

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

OP Glad everything worked out.

Congrats on 25 years, BUT don't discount the 3 year anniversary either. My hubby and I are celebrating our 2 year anniversary next month and it will be just as special as our 25th will be.

FWIW--You would think that if it is "special"--one wouldn't forget about it and agree to something. What if airline tickets and norefundable deposits would have been made. Unless it were an emergency, I would have been steamed as well.

 

[minkydog]

Good news! That sounds like a great plan.

If you don't mind my asking, what is wrong with your DH? I haven't seen anything about it in your posts.

He has stage 4 lung disease (sarcoidosis)and congestive heart failure.His lungs have been progressly getting worse for the last 3yrs.Up until 2003 he was the healthiest man you ever met--never smoked, didn't drink, worked out. Now he can barely walk around Walmart without getting winded and needing to sit down. He's doing pretty well right now, but that can all change in a weekend. We work very hard to keep him on track with 15 medications, a very low sodium diet, and rest periods during the day.

He has the hardest time with heat & humidity because it makes his heart work so much harder and the summer smog makes it hard to breathe. In the last 3 years he has not had a single consecutive 3 month period that he was healthy. This time last year he was on oxygen(for the 4th time) His long-term outlook is fair-to-poor depending on how healthy he can stay. It doesn't take much to put him in the hospital. A sinus infection can(and has!) put him in the hospital; a bout of the flu would probably kill him. That's why this NYC trip means so much to me--he's always wanted to do it and he's presently strong enough to stand the trip. When you've stared death right in the face you don't wait to plan things "later".