Excuses to tell friend do not want to go Disney with them?

[mikeishere]

What excuses do I give a friend for not wanting to go to Disney/ Florida with them? She’s not the type of person to accept me saying I’d rather go solo or with someone else and if I did say I’d rather go on my own she’d probably still book herself onto the same flight/hotel and weeks I’m going unless I lied and said I’m going with someone else.

I know I sound like an awful friend for not wanting to go with her but I think we would fall out and it would reck our friendship. She is consistently late, too chilled and slow paced to be fast paced and going from place to place in a theme park quickly and lacks organisation skills it would be like looking after a child for a week/2 weeks I would have to do all the work. I know your probs reading this and thinking why are we friends but I dunno strange things happen and we are like a double act as we are polar opposites. She has autism like some people in life do so the things I have mentioned above I know my friend can’t help and anything else in life as her friend I’m ok with but 2 weeks away in each others pockets maybe too much and stresses me just the thought of going to Disney with said friend. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, other people in my life have suggested telling them I’m going with someone else but then what about when I show photos at the end of the trip and just me in the photos? I feel I may have to lie to protect her feelings though? I’m from the uk so would be a big commitment to go on a 2 week vacation with a friend you not keen on going with anyway.

I wouldn’t be denying her a vacation incase anyone thinks I’m being cruel as she goes away a lot with a friend also.

Sorry for the long post does anyone have any suggestions or been in a similar situation that can help?

 

[BrianL]

What excuses do I give a friend for not wanting to go to Disney/ Florida with them? She’s not the type of person to accept me saying I’d rather go solo or with someone else and if I did say I’d rather go on my own she’d probably still book herself onto the same flight/hotel and weeks I’m going unless I lied and said I’m going with someone else.

I know I sound like an awful friend for not wanting to go with her but I think we would fall out and it would reck our friendship. She is consistently late, too chilled and slow paced to be fast paced and going from place to place in a theme park quickly and lacks organisation skills it would be like looking after a child for a week/2 weeks I would have to do all the work. I know your probs reading this and thinking why are we friends but I dunno strange things happen and we are like a double act as we are polar opposites. She has autism like some people in life do so the things I have mentioned above I know my friend can’t help and anything else in life as her friend I’m ok with but 2 weeks away in each others pockets maybe too much and stresses me just the thought of going to Disney with said friend. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, other people in my life have suggested telling them I’m going with someone else but then what about when I show photos at the end of the trip and just me in the photos? I feel I may have to lie to protect her feelings though? I’m from the uk so would be a big commitment to go on a 2 week vacation with a friend you not keen on going with anyway.

I wouldn’t be denying her a vacation incase anyone thinks I’m being cruel as she goes away a lot with a friend also.

Sorry for the long post does anyone have any suggestions or been in a similar situation that can help?

Well, I wouldn't recommend lying - that just seems like it would become problematic. You may just need to have a serious talk with this person. If they really want to come, then set serious expectations - that there will be a need to be on-time, etc. Maybe you two can split up for some of the time too. I hope it can work out for you.

 

[Smugpugmug]

I would just be upfront and tell them that you don't want to go to WDW with them. I don't think there's any point in lying. Her feeling will be even more hurt if she were to find out that you lied.

 

[mikeishere]

Well, I wouldn't recommend lying - that just seems like it would become problematic. You may just need to have a serious talk with this person. If they really want to come, then set serious expectations - that there will be a need to be on-time, etc. Maybe you two can split up for some of the time too. I hope it can work out for you.

I could do but even with a serious talk I doubt anything could change it’s so much her personality trait she can’t help some of these things even with much trying. Even though I’m quite independent she wouldn’t be happy going off on her own for sone of the time to get space as she just not the type to go off around a theme park on own we would constantly be together I’m sure. She needs company and people to lean on most of the time

 

[mikeishere]

I would just be upfront and tell them that you don't want to go to WDW with them. I don't think there's any point in lying. Her feeling will be even more hurt if she were to find out that you lied.

I get this, but she’s not the type to understand why anyone would want to do that alone and try come with me. Plus I’m sure bystanders in my life and hers who don’t truly understand what she’s like or to the full extent would think I was cruel going alone when she’s said she wants to go. It sometimes feels saying I’m going with someone else seems easier and then no judgement or suspicion from them or others in life?

I wouldn’t know what to do when only me in photos after the trip?

 

[BrianL]

I could do but even with a serious talk I doubt anything could change it’s so much her personality trait she can’t help some of these things even with much trying. Even though I’m quite independent she wouldn’t be happy going off on her own for sone of the time to get space as she just not the type to go off around a theme park on own we would constantly be together I’m sure. She needs company and people to lean on most of the time

Well, I think a coversation is in order. Tell her you don't want to go with her and why. Explain wha tyou want out of the trip and why going on your own will be better for it. Offer an alternative that you can do together at another time, something more conducive to your relationship. I know it can be tough.

Gool luck!

 

[Disney_David]

Came here to say what Brian said. As hard as it may be to say this to her, I would be upfront with her what you want out of the vacation and what you expect to do in the parks.

Maybe something like, “I’m going to be going for rope drop, I have these things on my short list and I’m going to hit some things hard. Does that sound cool with you? And if you want to move a slower pace some days, that’s totally cool. We can do some things solo, and still do lots together”.

I wouldn’t lie to her. It’ll come out injtge wash and it will be worse.

My wife and I often go our separate way in the park. It works out great, no one is cranky with the other and we both get to do what we want

 

[2Lunds]

"My Disney trip is something I want to do on my own" then don't tell her the travel dates. If you're supposed to accept aspects of her personality, she has to accept yours as well, no?

 

[mikeishere]

Well, I think a coversation is in order. Tell her you don't want to go with her and why. Explain wha tyou want out of the trip and why going on your own will be better for it. Offer an alternative that you can do together at another time, something more conducive to your relationship. I know it can be tough.

Gool luck!

Thanks going to need it if I end up being honest with them

 

[mikeishere]

Came here to say what Brian said. As hard as it may be to say this to her, I would be upfront with her what you want out of the vacation and what you expect to do in the parks.

Maybe something like, “I’m going to be going for rope drop, I have these things on my short list and I’m going to hit some things hard. Does that sound cool with you? And if you want to move a slower pace some days, that’s totally cool. We can do some things solo, and still do lots together”.

I wouldn’t lie to her. It’ll come out injtge wash and it will be worse.

My wife and I often go our separate way in the park. It works out great, no one is cranky with the other and we both get to do what we want

Thanks she’d still say she was cool with it regardless just to go with me when she truly can’t commit or stick to what I’m saying she’d still say she was cool with it and promise to it regardless if she truly means it or not. I know it sounds crazy but she would she’s almost not in her early 30s in her head and still childlike in that sense.

 

[Gabby01]

What excuses do I give a friend for not wanting to go to Disney/ Florida with them? She’s not the type of person to accept me saying I’d rather go solo or with someone else and if I did say I’d rather go on my own she’d probably still book herself onto the same flight/hotel and weeks I’m going unless I lied and said I’m going with someone else.

I know I sound like an awful friend for not wanting to go with her but I think we would fall out and it would reck our friendship.

You don’t sound like an awful friend. To be honest, you sound like you have a stalker! But if you want to be friends with this person, I think you need to set some boundaries for your own sanity. If I was afraid someone would try to follow me around on my solo vacation, I would not tell that person my travel plans. It’s not mean, it’s setting a boundary because she cannot or will not set appropriate boundaries for herself.

You don’t have to show her the pictures, either, if she can’t handle it. But if you do, you don’t have to apologize for anything. Just say “I wanted to go by myself.” That’s a good enough reason, and if she doesn’t like it, that’s her problem, not yours.

 

[ffindis]

You sound like a very kind friend. Unlike others, I would not tell her the truth because it could really hurt her feelings. I also would not go on a two week vacation with someone I didn't want to go with. I might tell her I am meeting some friends or relatives there and not show her pictures. I also would not discuss my vacation plans with her.

 

[mikeishere]

You don’t sound like an awful friend. To be honest, you sound like you have a stalker! But if you want to be friends with this person, I think you need to set some boundaries for your own sanity. If I was afraid someone would try to follow me around on my solo vacation, I would not tell that person my travel plans. It’s not mean, it’s setting a boundary because she cannot or will not set appropriate boundaries for herself.

You don’t have to show her the pictures, either, if she can’t handle it. But if you do, you don’t have to apologize for anything. Just say “I wanted to go by myself.” That’s a good enough reason, and if she doesn’t like it, that’s her problem, not yours.

She just won’t understand like sone people do like when some people like ‘why you doing that on your own for, I’ll come with you sort of thing’

It’s hard I think her autism makes her not understand like an adult her age truly does? It’s hard and complicated to understand even with me trying to explain in this thread still difficult for me to fully explain her and friendship everyone around her treats her with kid gloves for fear of upsetting her / feeling sorry for her / not understanding / has autism

 

[mikeishere]

You sound like a very kind friend. Unlike others, I would not tell her the truth because it could really hurt her feelings. I also would not go on a two week vacation with someone I didn't want to go with. I might tell her I am meeting some friends or relatives there and not show her pictures. I also would not discuss my vacation plans with her.

thanks, but you know what friends and people close to you in life are like they want to see the vacation snaps. It’d be odd for me to be like ‘no you can’t see them’ you think, or without a reason?

I also work with her on same floor so it’s hard for her to not know when I’m not in the office and on vacation otherwise I would try not telling her

 

[ffindis]

You could just say that you didn't take many pictures this trip.

 

[Lumpy1106]

Honesty is the only policy here.

You can have it both ways; tell her you like to go full speed, rope-drop to fireworks, and on your perfect vacation (a phrase I use with my family on every trip) nothing motivates like abandonment. You'll go on your own if anyone else is not ready when you are. You also don't like sharing costs for rooms etc because it can get messy and you just don't want to deal with it. She can join you, but she should keep in mind (and make this really clear), you will probably only see her at meals.

If she still insists on going, then go, but don't make any plans for her - she is on her own for that too.

BTW - paragraph 1 is my perfect WDW trip so you really should not feel bad about presenting this to her in this manner. YOU will not be happy if you compromise, so don't.

 

[BrianL]

She just won’t understand like sone people do like when some people like ‘why you doing that on your own for, I’ll come with you sort of thing’

It’s hard I think her autism makes her not understand like an adult her age truly does? It’s hard and complicated to understand even with me trying to explain in this thread still difficult for me to fully explain her and friendship everyone around her treats her with kid gloves for fear of upsetting her / feeling sorry for her / not understanding / has autism

There are a LOT of poeple who don't understand why someone would go to Disney alone. Many make those judgements or assume thet you would be happier with someone - they may also insist on coming, thinking they are doing you a favor. Make it clear that they wouldn't be.

 

[mikeishere]

I will also try and put my friendship into simple context for everyone as I know it’s sounding bizarre.

Basically we are friends from work but I was friendly with a group of other people first and they wanted me to join them for lunch so I did and they where friends with her but these other friends moved to another building/department but me and said friend didn’t and we both still needed lunch buddies so while we see less of the others who moved departments me and said friend saw more of each other. We do share and bond over common interests like tv/music etc but I gotta admit I do treat her with kid gloves on sometimes like I said others do for fear of upsetting her/ not understanding / has autism. So we kinda fell into the friendship and it’s hard to tell her the truth like real friendships as she doesn’t get it like explained above.

She does vacation with another friend I don’t know or may never get to meet so I don’t know how they both handle each other when away together but it’s probably easier vacations than running around a theme park like Disney

 

[serenitynow]

How about you tell her a truth. “No, I really need to travel alone. I need the me time”

 

[goofyernmost]

I travel alone because it is no fun for me unless I go at my own pace. I have specific things that I like to see, sometimes over and over. I really don't want to have to either adjust to what you want to do or have you adjust to what I want to do. I like to get up early and you don't. I like to eat (name a culinary choice) and I don't want to feel like I forced you to go along with my tastes. Or You know I like you and value our friendship, but there is no quicker way to ruin a friendship as much as joint travel to an entertainment venue with someone whose habits and likes are sometimes drastically different then my own. I much prefer to travel solo to a place like that. Use as many of those as you like.