Evil MIL

[indsun]

I have been with DH for 11 years. Our lives are not perfect. I am no saint neither is he. His mother is the most unstable, impossible to please person i have ever met. I have tried on so many occasions to be helpful or even just talk to her. She has not called her son in 3 months. I talk to my parents more times than i can count in a week.I had to call her for info on an upcoming wedding.I would rather impale myself on a sharp object. She talks to me like i am nothing but an annoyance. Never asks how DH is or our DD.

Last time she was in town -they have a beach house near us- She invited DD to her house with her friend. Bought DD clothes most where a size to small she then told DD she was fat and gave the clothes to her friend! Yes she really did. EVIL!! DD was heartbroken. DD does'nt want much to do with her. I told DD she does'nt have to ever put up with people talking to her in that way i don't care what type of authority they are.SHe has every right to defend herself. I know what i would say if someone said that to me. Her ears would burn for a month! on the same visit i go pick up DD and she asks ME what i was doing there making very clear i wasn't welcome.I told DH he better talk to his mother because that was the line if she ever speaks to DD in that way again it will be the last time she sees her and that she is to apologize. He talks to her and not the first time about how she is with DD (her only GC) it does not get through to this witch!

So here is my current dilemma the upcoming wedding. God help my SIL to be she has no idea what she's getting into how the hell am i going to make through this weekend? Anyone have any advice? I am not going to drink to much cause i might say something i really really mean and have been waiting a long time to say. This is not a one time occurance there are so many i could write a book. It hurts when you extend your friendship to someone and they repeatedly turn on you. I am not the turn the other cheek type i speak my mind. i have tried every tactic and nothing works. Am i wrong to want nothing to do with them?Anyone have similar family issues with some advice would be appreciated. Thank you to anyone that reads this and letting me vent.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

Aww! I'm so sorry to hear that!

You need some

Sorry, no advice, just sympathy.

Hopefully someone can give you some advice.

 

[mking624]

Wow, there's a lot of hostility here. I agree that your DD does have a right to defend herself....BUT there's a lot to be said about how she will defend herself. If she's sticking up for herself in a way that's disrespectful, then I wouldn't view it as something any better than how she was treated. If she handles herself in a courteous and respectful way, then yes, I would agree with you.

I have been with DH for 11 years. Our lives are not perfect. I am no saint neither is he. His mother is the most unstable, impossible to please person i have ever met. I have tried on so many occasions to be helpful or even just talk to her. She has not called her son in 3 months. I talk to my parents more times than i can count in a week.I had to call her for info on an upcoming wedding.I would rather impale myself on a sharp object. She talks to me like i am nothing but an annoyance. Never asks how DH is or our DD.

There's a few things to be said about this. First of all, you said she hasn't called your DH once in three months. How many times did he call her? I talk to my parents all the time like you do...most of the time I'm doing the calling. I don't mind...I'm just taking the initiative. If her not calling bothers your DH, then have him call her. Phone works both ways on that. You said she talks to you like you're an annoyance...but you made it quite clear that you don't like talking to her. So why are you expecting her to be all rosy and happy go lucky when you call? I'm sure she knows of your hostility, so yeah...I wouldn't be too fond of picking up the phone either if I knew the person on the other line would refer to me as a witch (among other things I'm sure). But your only reason for calling was to get information from her. I can see why that might be an annoyance to her. You said she doesn't ask about DH or DD...do you take the time to ask her about her and what's going on in her life?

You say you're not the turn the other cheek type, but then you say you've tried every tactic. So have you tried turning the other cheek? I'm not saying to be a doormat...hardly. But she's playing games and she knows she's going to win because you let her. You fall for the traps over and over. She gets the best of you as she expects and in turn she gives you the attitude you expect. It's a never ending cycle. So the solution? Break out of the cycle. Don't play the games she wants to play. If she gives you an attitude, don't let it phase you. If she talks mean to you, let it roll off your back. Sooner or later she's going to realize that her tactics are no longer working with you...and she'll either give them up completely or find someone else to play with. This is more in your control than you realize. You have the power to allow people to treat you certain ways...no one can make you feel in any way that you won't allow them to. The question is...how will you throw the ball that's in your court?

 

[Laurajean1014]

Most MIL are not sensitive to other peoples needs (I can say this because I will probably be one, one day and am trying not to give my $.02).

Let your DD know that MIL may not have had her glasses on or was just not thinking clearly.

As for the weekend wedding...... just smile and say, "that's nice."

 

[Princess Mindy]

the only thing I can suggest is staying as far away from her as possible. The more confrontation you avoid, the better off you and your DD will be!

 

[hydster]

I think for the wedding I would go but I would be as nice as possible no matter what. Try to talk to people that you enjoy talking with and avoid as much as possible dealing with your MIL. When you do have to deal with your MIL take the high road and be nice. She may be rude to you or say something hurtful. Show her she can't get under your skin that easily and let it roll off you. The more she knows she gets to you the more she will continue to do so. If you can remain aloof with her you've won 1/2 the battle in my opinon. If that doesn't work you can always pack a voodoo doll in your purse with a picutre of her on it and go to the ladies room and stab it to no end but to her face and for everyone else to see be the bigger person!

 

[Microcell]

What she said harmed your daughter.

I do not let my kids around my father at all because his big mouth wife cannot keep her evil mouth shut and says inappropriate things all the time (and she likes me about as much as I like her, so she would make comments about me, I am sure). He is not much better (though calmer and more mellow with age) and physically abused my sister because he didn't have confirmation that she was deaf (she was), so he thought she was ignoring him so he threw a chair at her and hit her, often.

Is your DD going to be at the wedding? If so, I think it is your obligation to keep her away from what Dr. Laura would call a "Toxic" person. I would stay away from her myself.

My best friend got married and her older sisters are REALLY mad at thier father (they have the same dad, but not the same mom), and were sort of left out of the wedding party in favor of (gasp) me. So I tried to go out of my way to be nice to them, and stuck with them often so they didn't feel too left out. I took note of the fact that they purposely avoided their dad, and I think they had a better time as a result. Makes me feel bad because I really like their dad!

 

[salmoneous]

Anyone have any advice? I am not going to drink to much cause i might say something i really really mean and have been waiting a long time to say.

My advice would be to drink too much and say what you have been meaning to say for a long time.

 

[Race the Reaper]

My advice would be to drink too much and say what you have been meaning to say for a long time.

I second the motion!

 

[jan/cape]

When you asked for advice my first thought was, drink heavily. then I read you didn't want to drink to much and why. lol It was a good giggle!