Engagement Party question....

[momrek06]

My family has been invited to an engagement party. It is at the groom's family's home. I have never met the groom....my family is friends with the bride.

In the invitation was an insert stating that they are registered at Crate and Barrel.

I went online when I received the invite and noticed nothing has been fulfilled. Two weeks ago I went on again and saw one item fulfilled. I then ordered a gift and had it gift wrapped. Total price was $104.00.

The party is 2/17/07. Today a good friend of mine asked if I was going to the party and I stated yes and what I had bought and she went into detail that "generally speaking" gifts are not required at an engagement party.

She said she went online to quite a few engagement etiquette websites and it stated "no gifts" for an engagment party even though people will bring them.

It also states that the bride and groom should not even register prior to the engagement party. It says registering is a way of saying you expect gifts.

My girl friend suggested I leave the gift for the bridal shower because that will be next along with the wedding gift.

I was wondering why nothing has been fulfilled and the party is in one week!!

What should I do? What has most of the DISer's done when attending an engagement party? We have the shower next then the wedding!

Opinions and thoughts on this please!! Thanks!!

 

[dreamcometrue]

I have gone to quite a few engagement parties and honestly never brought a gift, unless they were very close friends of mine. Personally, I think it is rude to include "we are registered at..." in an engagement party invitation! I mean, you are already giving a gift for the bridal shower AND the wedding...why should you have to bring a present for the engagement too?? That's a bit much, IMO.

 

[Poohnatic]

I agree with your friend, hold the gift until the shower. Gifts are not to be expected for an engagement party.

Suzanne

 

[Stacerita]

I wouldn't bring a present to an engagement party. Including a "we are registered at" card inside the invite sounds a bit like gift grubbin to me. I would hold the gift till the shower.

 

[rie'smom]

An engagement party is not a shower. The more I read about weddings,the more disgusted I am. It's such a gimme gimme gimme for some people! Don't people know anything about etiquette? Hold your gift until the shower.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

when DH2B and i had our engagement party we didn't register for anything. we made a little box for envelopes if anyone brought some. i didn't even want to do that, because i felt bad about that. i felt like people would sit and think "i didn't know i was supposed to get a card for them" because i really didn't want anyone to get us a card, i just wanted them to be there.

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

I gotta admit, before I got engaged I never even considered an engagement party to be a possibility. Then his mother started making squawking noises about wanting to throw us one. We don't particularly want one, but ok... whatever. Then she started screaming at us about registering beforehand. *sighs*

I'm not allowing her to put registration info on the invitations now, that's for sure... but I have to wonder if any other brides and grooms get pressured to register before certain things the way we did.

 

[DISUNC]

When I go to Engagement parties I always brought a Card & Envelope! What is the meaning if a engagement party anyway????

I dont agree with it...But I do it!

 

[dreamcometrue]

I gotta admit, before I got engaged I never even considered an engagement party to be a possibility. Then his mother started making squawking noises about wanting to throw us one. We don't particularly want one, but ok... whatever. Then she started screaming at us about registering beforehand. *sighs*

I'm not allowing her to put registration info on the invitations now, that's for sure... but I have to wonder if any other brides and grooms get pressured to register before certain things the way we did.

I don't get it...she screamed at you to get you to register? It's YOUR engagement and YOUR wedding...I wouldn't let myself get pressured into anything! We had a small get together with family and close friends when we got engaged. We met at a restaurant and picked up the tab! People gave us cards, my best friend and our parents gave us a gift! I honestly would have felt like a complete idiot registering before our engagement party!

 

[dg39]

When we're invited to an engagement party we give a cash gift and for the shower I give a present. I've never went to an engagement party where the couple has a registry.

If there registered for the shower, I'll get something on the list.

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

I don't get it...she screamed at you to get you to register? It's YOUR engagement and YOUR wedding...I wouldn't let myself get pressured into anything! We had a small get together with family and close friends when we got engaged. We met at a restaurant and picked up the tab! People gave us cards, my best friend and our parents gave us a gift! I honestly would have felt like a complete idiot registering before our engagement party!

I'd rather register and make her happy then fight her and listen to the whining, complaining, backhanded comments... she has a tendency to make lives heck when she doesn't get her way. On something a simple as a registry, I'd rather not fight it. I pick my battles carefully with her, and I'll pick something a bit more important like people we're inviting instead.

 

[Charade]

I've never been to one that I can recall but I am having one!!! Actually, as I'm told, it's ALL ABOUT HER!

I go in expecting nothing and whatever people want to do, fine, if not, don't ever come back...

Seriously, this "protocol" BS is just that, BS. I don't expect anything. Come and enjoy yourself. Enjoy the celebration.

 

[mtemm]

save it for the shower, and bring a nice bottle of champagne instead.

 

[Jennifer S]

Over $100 for an engagement gift? No way. My sister had an engagement party and she gor small things - like a wedding picture frame, candle sticks etc. She did not register either - kind of tacky.

I'd def. save your gift for the shower. BUT I would take a smaller gift to the party. Champagne is a nice idea or maybe get two glasses to go with it.

 

[mjkacmom]

It's been years since my engagement party, but not one person came empty-handed. I didn't register for it, but around here, if you are invited to a party to celebrate something, you don't come without a gift (and I'd never show up to any party or dinner without at least a bottle of wine).

 

[dg39]

It's been years since my engagement party, but not one person came empty-handed. I didn't register for it, but around here, if you are invited to a party to celebrate something, you don't come without a gift (and I'd never show up to any party or dinner without at least a bottle of wine).

Same here.

 

[lovemygoofy]

We also had an engagement party and the point of the party was for everyone and my and my Matt's life get to know one another and be comfortable before the weekend of the wedding. There were no presents but a few well wish cards. Kar, if you feel like you should carry something with you, take a card and carry it in your purse with maybe a small gift card in it and save your big present for the shower.

 

[Beth76]

It's such a gimme gimme gimme for some people! Don't people know anything about etiquette? Hold your gift until the shower.

No kidding. The fact that these people are already registered means they expect gifts. Not that you need to bring one of course. I'm sorry but engagement parties are silly. Save the celebrations for the shower and the actual wedding.

 

[momrek06]

WOW, Thanks everyone for all the answers. I have never been to an engagement party before and actually I thought this was to be like a meet and greet for all those that have not met the groom OR vis versus for the bride (as we have never met the groom)!

So when I received the invite and the "Crate and Barrel" notice was in the invite I just "assumed"!!

So I went online and purchased this "steamer" from the registry. Funny thing is almost nothing (to date) has been fulfilled. So when my friend mention about the party and the gift giving I decided to see what all my DISer's had to say about this engagement gift giving etiquette. My friend said leave the gift until the shower. And after reading all your repsonses, next Saturday THIS gift stays home and I will get a something small, gift card, bottle of wine, candle!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is what I did get, with gift wrapping by C&B and shipping brought it up to $104.00. I will save this for the bridal shower.


Krups ® Rice-Slow Cooker-Steamer
$79.95
sugg. $100.00Three functions in one. This automatic rice cooker, slow cooker and steamer with programmable control panel does all that, and keeps foods warm after cooking. Removable non-stick bowl, removable steam basket and locking lid.
• Stainless steel with black accents
• 10-cup capacity (up to 20 cups of cooked rice)
• Condensation collector
• Includes recipes, measuring cup and spoon
• Wipe clean (removable parts are dishwasher-safe)

THANKS DISer's for all the advice.

 

[Beth76]

I think a bottle of wine is perfectly appropriate.