Ending a relationship over Disney

[PeterPanic]

I guess I actually ended two relationships because of it. The first one was with a lady that was all fired up to go. Then she decided that she hated to fly and didn't really want to go. OK, I said, how about a road trip. She got really excited about that so I made all the plans and reservations and a week before we were supposed to go to WDW she called and said that she couldn't find anyone to take care of her dog/cat. I suggested boarding them and she rejected that outright. I went anyway, the money had been spent, I had even bought her a ticket (which I used myself later since it was unused) She was upset that I would go without her. Anyway, after that event, it wasn't too long before we were no longer really seeing each other anymore and it just died out.

A little back story here is that I had been married for 29 years to a woman that was very high maintenance and when she divorced me (many reasons, but nothing logical) I decided that I was almost 55 years old and I wanted to do some stuff for me, for a change.

The second lady and I got along really well. I included her in a big family trip that I planned and paid for and she went, with no complaints. I found out later that she had told someone that she would rather have her eyes poked out with toothpicks then to go to WDW. I wasn't aware of that, since she seemed to enjoy the trip. The next time I felt I would like to go again, she said she would go but she wanted to just stay in the hotel while I went to the parks. Yea, that would be fun for me. Worrying about her sitting by herself in the hotel room, having to time my visit to meet with her for lunch and dinner, etc. I later had the occasion to relocate to another state that she didn't want to go to, but, even if I hadn't made that move, it was very much over. The one thing that I really loved to do was going to be denied. Just wouldn't work, in my mind. I don't regret ending either relationship, to be honest.

 

[ozliz]

OK so I am going to preface this with the fact that I am not in your situation but after reading what you said I couldn't help but add my thoughts...

1. Usually there is not one dealbreaker in a serious long term relationship so the fact that there is this one thing is unlikely to be the only thing that is making you question the relationship. What else might there be, maybe find the source of the problem.

2. Consider whether you will both be comfortable with the other doing some solo trips (i.e. she may travel on her own too) throughout your lifetime, noting that this will not just be time alone but also if you end up married this will be spending of your combined money.

3. Acknowledge that she may like Disney a little but want to spend that money, leave from work etc on one of the many, many other destinations out there (and possibly be open to this as you might get some wonderful experiences too). Is it that she doesn't like Disney or the simple fact that money is limited and she wants more variety (note where this may be different personalities that lead to different lifestyle choices... the person that never settles in one place and gets bored by routine etc)

4. Compromise, as everyone else said, but also consider the importance of independence in relationships as well as being committed together to compromise. You don't have to do everything together or have all the same interests, sometime a bit of difference between people is good.

5. Finally, make sure she accepts you for you and if you love Disney then she needs to accept that as much as you could be obsessed with any other thing like a sporting team, computer game etc. If it is part of you then she cannot expect that to change or laugh at it.

I hope this helps.

 

[DisneyFan2013]

This is a very interesting thread. I feel bad for the Disney lovers who have gotten grief from their partners about going. I'm single with no kids and I think it'd be great to find a guy who likes Disney, but I'm prepared to go alone. My last two trips were made a bit less fun by relatives who accompanied me and I ended up bickering with, so I'm starting to think that the only way to really enjoy myself is to go alone. It can be hard to find a compatible vacation companion, and luckily Disney is one of the few places I'd feel safe traveling alone to.

 

[SWofDisorder]

Relationships are hard and take work. Again the word that is being used by everyone and I will use it again is respect.

Respect your partner and they reciprocate. You don't alway have to agree on everything but there is a base of core values that you do need to agree on.

Money, children, life values.

I was in a relationship where I went to WDW with my son several times a year. He went to Alaska to ski with his college buddies. Once a year we took a holiday together.

Only you know what is right and if this is the woman for you. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[bryanb]

Relationships should be about making the other person happy. And when both people are willing to do this, then it's a fantastic match.

I worked at Disneyland through college, so when I take someone to Disneyland, it's not even about myself anymore. My joy is about sharing something special with that other person. If your relationship is healthy, then your spouse should find joy in your joy (and not mock it). And you would respect what gives them joy, and find pleasure in it too.

Sure, sometimes you do have to compromise. Maybe I'm in a fantasy world here... I'm not married yet. But that's how I imagine the perfect scenario. If dragging each other around to places is a drag, and not a pleasure, something is wrong in the equation with the whole thing.

It shouldn't be so hard to find a girl who likes Disney right? There are millions of them. Finding one who fits the above view of relationships is the trick.

 

[UDFlyer12]

I don't have any direct advice to your situation, but I can tell you how me and my boyfriend solved a very similar issue so you can view it as an option. I LOVE Disney. That's a massive understatement. I have visited multiple times on vacation with family, and eventually did a CP. My boyfriend had been once, when he was maybe 6...so needless to say, he remembered almost nothing. I took him for 5 days with my family this past July; he didn't love it, but he didn't hate it. I started discussing future trips and he was definitely apprehensive. We have discussed marriage so this was definitely an additional topic that I needed to hash out before continuing. I asked what would work for him in the future. He agreed on longer trips but only every 3 years. But he also said he didn't care if I went twice a year(which I could never afford) as long as he didn't have to be involved. Luckily I have plenty of friends and family that would be willing to go as often as I would, so it worked out. I gave him the option of choosing his own vacation for us in exchange for Disney trips (he likes beaches too). So that is what we will be doing...right after this next trip in June (by the way, this upcoming trip less than a year after the last is how the discussion even began).

 

[DisneyDiana]

I don't really have advice but wanted to share my situation. I love Disney, my husband hates it! He has gone several times and tried to enjoy it but he just doesn't. There are several other things I love and he doesn't and vice versa. However, we mutually respect each other's interests and feelings. I think that is most important. Does she respect your feelings and interest in Disney and in life in general? My husband does. He even agreed to buy into DVC and he hasn't been once since. My son and I go for a week each year and he does a guys trip to wherever with his buddies. We take long weekend trips together when we can. It works for us. Think carefully and you will find your answer in time.

 

[btk2333]

I can tell you about our situation.

My wife (girlfriend at the time) was a little surprised by how much I liked WDW. We took our first trip to WDW together during our Junior year of college. She really enjoyed the dining and ease of planning the vacation. As we've gone many times together since, I've converted her . We take other vacations too; however, she calls WDW our "happy place" now. I think it's important that your significant other take your hobbies seriously and not laugh at them. My wife says that even if she hated WDW, she would still go because she can see how happy and stress-free I am while at Disney.

 

[Chickkypoo]

When my husband and I were early into our relationship, we took a trip to Disney World. He seemed really excited for the trip. We were at Epcot the one day, and I said I wanted to ride Spaceship Earth again before we left (I always try to ride it as my last ride of the day as it's my favorite). He said no, he didn't want to as we'd already done it on the trip, and didn't see the point in doing something he'd already done before. I kind of stopped in my tracks and told him that if only intended to go thru the rides once and be done with Disney, we were going to have problems, as I come to the parks frequently as I own DVC, and we'd be taking a lot of separate vacations.

Turned out that he was actually having issues letting go, having fun, and realizing it was ok to be a kid again. We went back again later that year as we had bought annual passes that first trip, and I tried to find more things that I thought he would enjoy - Exotic Car Driving Experience, more sit down meals at different restaurants, etc. I also planned it for a time of year when the weather was a lot cooler - He didn't fair well in the June heat. Needless to say, I've now created an addict . I suggested taking a Caribbean cruise this year, and he said no, he's missing Disney, lol.

 

[kimbo0569]

but you're expecting her to go on trips she doesn't like? Sounds like the both of you have a lot of learning to do in the relationship field. Because, if this is both your attitudes then it won't work.

I was thinking the same thing. I am the Disney lover in my house. Dh knew that when he married me, so much so that we spent our honeymoon in Disney. That being said, while we have a great time while we're there, he doesn't want to spend every vacation there. There are other places he'd like to see as well. I feel the same way and if I could figure out how to do both, I would but finances being what they are with two kids, compromise is needed.

Did you state to her that it bothered you when she laughed at your suggestion? Maybe that would be the first thing, if you haven't done so already.

If you can't compromise on a vacation where you both get to do a little of what you like, then maybe Disney really isn't the problem.

 

[georgina]

I'm a Disney fan, DH not so much. We took the kids several times when they were young and at home, but it was 7 years between our whole family trip in 2013 and the last one in 2006. I have been to Disney World with one or the other of my DD's in between.

Since you said you don't have much vacation time, an annual trip to Disney is way too much, IMO. I've only been to Disneyland once, but agree with her that 1 day in each park should be plenty. We have been enough that we only go to DW for about 5 days at a time now, spending time at Universal also. There are a lot of other things to do in the LA area that she may like. Work on that compromise!

My DH has now taken up scuba diving as a hobby, and there is NO WAY I will be joining him in that. I'm not interested in sitting on a beach for a week while he dives either. I am planning my first solo trip to Disney while he takes our DDs diving in May. Gee I sure hope he doesn't consider divorcing me because I don't share his new interest!

 

[TNDisneyNut]

My husband hates Disney. He is introverted and doesn't like crowds. Making him go would be miserable for us both. We have two weeks vacation so one is going to spent doing a road trip in South Dakota and the other is being spent with my grown children, stepchildren and grandchild. Hubby is going to fish. He is too important to me not to compromise. It isn't always easy and he doesn't understand my obsession but we can work it out! I hope you do.

 

[Disneyaddictz]

My husband and I started taking our youngest when we lived in Florida, he said he was over it and ready for something new, I felt like he hit me like a ton a bricks... Sounds silly when I write it but it's true! How could one be so passionate and the other not share the love, it's not like journaling or running or painting it's vacation! If the other doesn't like it that = going alone! If you me I want to share the excitement! I took him on a trip on March of 2012, he was reluctant since it was a bigger trip then any others... We had another child by this time, two girls! We can all laugh about it now because the kids say daddy was bit... Bit by the Disney bug!! He ran inside the shop t POR during checkout and came back with license plate, key chains and coffee cups! He told me on the way back we shouldn't wait to Long to come back because the girls were getting "older"!!!! Haha they are 3 and 10. The rest is history, I don't really know what happened that trip but I'm glad it did... For a moment there I didn't know how I could go without... Disney is more than an amusement park, do you research and you will see there is something for anyone! Spas, tours, culinary opportunists, diving tours, boat rentals, shows, dinner shows, La Nouba, dtd bars, boardwalk dance hall... So much more.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[eeyore04]

I've actually taken her there already. She was excited to go, but now seems like she's over it. More like checking it off the to-do list. She's not super interested to go back, and had already made it seem like a negative. I want to go to disneyland this year for Christmas time, but I don't know how it will go over.

My other issue is that my vacation time is limited based on my job. It's hard to be away for even a week, so it's not like I can take my own weeks off and another set with her.

I feel like we have different religions. I believe in Mickey.

I just love that. I believe in Mickey.

my ex fiancé hated Disney! I took him ONCE and he will never go back. My next boyfriend better be a Disney lover or at least go with me once a year LOL

My ex fiance went to Disney with me and we fought the whole time, including not waiting in line for "the stupid elephants" (Dumbo!) when I had never been on that ride before. Needless to say he's the ex for lots of reasons. My current BF is definately turning into a DIS lover.


But I really do feel that common interests are a must in a relationship. Even if your significant other doesn't love things to the same extent as you at least if they can respect your passion for Disney.... it's a key. If there's going to always be a divide because of your love for Disney, maybe there should be a clear divide and a goodbye.


Maybe not the only reason to leave someone. But here's the way I look at it.... You shouldn't change who you are to fit with someone else. Two people who are meant to be together will mesh no matter what interests you have, whether they are the same or different.

 

[dachsie]

My best friend is also a Disney fanatic and runs the Goofy race each year. One year we went and her BF flew in to meet us a few days later. He and I were at DTD and she went to do her packet pickup and was coming back to pick us up. He apparently was miserable and made a comment about how stupid Disney was. I was furious. I knew how important it was to her and he wasnt even trying to understand it all. She figured it out without me telling her and i rejoiced when she called me several months later to say they were no longer dating.

I think you got a lot of good advice and have some things to ponder. I would say listen to what your heart is telling you.

 

[Bete]

I will chime in, too.

First, I think this depends on who is paying for the trip. If you are sharing the costs 50/50 or close to it, then I believe she has a right to decide on the vacation, too. If you are paying for it all then I would be leaning towards her being more amiable to where you want to go; although, you should have consideration of her feelings, as well.

Sorry, but to a degree you sound somewhat uncompromising yourself. She has already gone with you to Disney; so, it's your turn to do a vacation to her liking this go round. If you picked that Disney trip it's her turn to pick the next trip. She did go with you to Disney; so, it's her turn to decide on the next trip and you should be willing to do this for her. I think what has happened here is you assumed this Disney trip was mutually agreeable and it doesn't sound like it was that way for her. None of this makes either one of you wrong or right. She has already bent backwards to make you happy and she went on that Disney trip with you. What have you done in return?

I've been married 35 years and we have done Disney World over 40 times and Disneyland 5 times. Our honeymoon was at Disney World. This has been our number one vacation destination followed by Vegas. Disney has always been to my liking and just all right for hubby. My husband started out as a Disney fan for about the first 5 trips but through the years he has lost interest more and more. I'm finally starting to lose interest myself and I don't believe I'm saying this, right now. I will say I held his Disney interest for a long while by mixing up the activities at Disney like doing tours, finer restaurants, shows, and boating activities. It wasn't just about the rides. When we were younger we did more rides and now that we are older we do more shows. Disney has changed through the years for us. Staying at different resorts have helped to make each trip a little different, too. We probably like Animal Kingdom Lodge the best. We have mixed it up by going to SeaWorld and Universal, too. To mix it up more, we have gone at different times of the year and Christmas time has been our favorite because of the decorations and the special events like Osbourn Lights and the Candlelight Processional. We have mixed it up by taking the grandchildren and going with friends and family, too. There are a lot of ways to make the feel of the trip different. This has allowed us to enjoy Disney together through the years. In your case, it might be a good compromise to do a Disney cruise and Disney World on the same trip. She would get her beach on the cruise portion of the trip and Disney theming would be there enough to keep you satisfied. In the later years, I will say I have done a few trips without my hubby with a friend and also a cousin. I like being with my hubby the most at Disney.

Over the last 5 years we have ventured out to other vacation destinations. I will say I'm becoming a convert. I can leave Disney out of my vacation plans, now. I'm enjoying other destinations better, now. Some of these other trips I've actually enjoyed more. I've come around to the other side, now. Time changes us sometimes and we can all learn to like other vacations. I'm not even sure I will return to Disney World any more. A few years back I planned an historical trip going East like going to Gettysburg, Williamsburg, Washington, D.C. and so forth and my husband never stopped talking about that trip; he likes history. I was finally able to make him as happy about a vacation as I have been through the years at Disney.

Vacations have never been a deal breaker to our marriage. We understood from the beginning that we wouldn't agree on everything. Hubby understood some Disney trips were for the kids and having family together was the number one goal. Your girlfriend may change her mind once she has kids. You just don't know about the future.

You have to search deep inside as to whether or not this is going to work for you. If are going to get to the point of being very stubborn on this count then you may need to find a Disney fan as your ultimate partner, at least for now. Even if someone feels Disney minded now doesn't mean they will continue to feel that way in the future. You take a chance either way. Marriage will have way more difficult decisions to make then whether or not you go to Disney. In the scheme of things I think this a little bump in the road.

Here's hoping you can meet in the middle.

 

[Molyneuxd]

I can take or leave Disney, been to Florida quite a few times and not fussed if I visit Disney or not.

My other half is a huge Disney fan but is not fussed about going to all the Disney parks.

We both just love Florida and everything it has to offer, we also like other places as Florida I don't see as a holiday. Can be so hectic sometimes need a holiday to recover from the holiday. That's when a nice lazy beach holiday would be perfect.

Compromise and go where she wants to go.

I'm 28 and wish I had seen more of the world but don't regret my previous 11 trips to Florida each one being different, also going back this year as the NY trip we wanted to go on was too expensive for 4 or 5 days and ended up choosing Florida again.

 

[JillianMarie]

I love Disney as much as the next person and I'm lucky enough to be married to someone who shares that affection - but if he told me that he never wanted to go anywhere else for as long as we live we'd have a problem. Part of the reason we love Disney so much is BECAUSE we go so many other places as well.

Granted, I don't really know anything about either of you, but just based on what you've written here it sounds like WDW is more important than your girlfriend. To me, it's completely unreasonable and unfair to expect this woman to accompany you on vacations that she has no interest in taking. You have limited time off and if you're unwilling or unable to even entertain the possibility of going out of town with her somewhere other than Disney then your relationship is DOA and just pull the plug now.

 

[dvczerfs]

you got some good advise from a lot of people. I hope it works out for you.
I visited wdw a lot when I was kid and I have a lot of great memories of my family there. I have a tattoo to prove it.
30 years ago when I started dating my dw she knew my obsession of Disney. we got married and her first trip was our honeymoon to wdw and she feel in love with the entire idea since day one.
our entire house is decorated in Disney.

we also have gone to the shore and traveled a lot with dd dance but Disney just seemed to be it for us.

just ask yourself is Disney worth giving up for he/she? only you would know that answer.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

When I married DH, I was not a Disney lover. However, I had to go to Disney for a week long seminar - the ONLY time I could go was when the course was being held at the YC conference center. I went and fell in love. We went to WDW together a few months later.

DH likes Disney a lot. He has mouse ears on his car antenna and his daily watch is now nice one with a discreet pair of mouse ears on it. His travel mug came from Epcot. He looks forward to our annual week at WDW with delight. But he is not in love with Disney. He does not spend time working out our exact schedule to make the best use of FP+ or think through what ADRs we need to make. He does not camp out in front of a monitor to watch the live feed of a new parade.

On the flip side of that, I am not a hunter. DH is. I will go out to the Camp during non-hunting season and ride the 4 wheeler and commune with nature and explore, pick blackberries and watch the otter play in the river But I don't go during hunting season, and let's face it, the Camp is at the Hunting Club. The reason for the Camp is hunting.

We love each other. We appreciate and, in some cases, enjoy each other's passions. We have our own passions that are entirely separate of each other and that's fine too! I don't make fun of or deride his online gaming. He doesn't make fun of or deride my geneaology research. We respect each other because we love each other.

If your spouse can't, at the very least, respect the activities that give you pleasure, you might need to give some heavy thought to the relationship.