Elementary teachers, I have a question. Should I mention another child the teacher?

[Disney1fan2002]

I took my DS 9 out to lunch the other day. He is in 4th grade, and has some social problems. It is getting obvious with his classmates, and he does not have many friends. I am horrified for him, because, I went through school without many friend's, being picked on and ridiculed, and I do not want my children going through it. There is only so much I can do, and I am thankful schools today are more aware of "bullying". So, no matter, he will have a better schol life than I had. HOPEFULLY.

There were 2 girls in his 3rd grade class who were terrible to him. At the end of the year, his teacher told me she put one of the girls far away from him in 4th grade, but the other girl would be in his class. The 1st girl is who I had an issue with, and I thought the 2nd girl might be better without her influence, so I was OK with it.

So, at lunch Saturday, I was asking how school was, and how he was getting along with the other kids. He said OK. I asked about the girl, and if she was still mean to him, he said she was, but there was another girl who was even MEANER to him, and the she hated him. I asked what was going on. He said she shoved him, and swears at him. He told the teacher she shoved him, but she denied it, and the teacher just told both of them to stop. He said he didn't tell the teacher about the swearing. (OK, as I am listening to this, I am imagining all sorts of torture that could be inflicted on this girl, for putting her hands on MY son). He then shares with me that she hates everyone, and is mean to everyone. Before I was thinking she got into cohoots with the girl from 3rd grade, who could bias the whole class against my DS if she had enough clout. (LOL) But, now that I am hearing this girl hates everyone, she must not have any friends, if she is shoving and swearing, she seems like a very miserable 9-10 year old.

Here is my question: Should I bring this girl up to the teacher during conference? I know I am going to mention the shoving incident, but I think I should take it further, and tell her about the girl not having any friends. Or is the teacher aware, do you think?

If she is a bully in 4th grade, what is she going to be in 8th grade? What should I do?

 

[Gupsmom]

I definately bring up the girl in regards to what she is doing to your child. Make it clear that you expect that to be dealt with. After that I might say something like "I feel really bad for her because she doesn't seem to have many friends. Obviously, we understand how hard that is but we have to look out for our child and she's causing a lot of problems."

Jess

 

[monsterkitty]

Yes, bring up the problem to the teacher. Many times students will wait until teachers turn their backs before the child's halo disappears and the horns come out.

Be aware, however, that the teacher may not discuss the girl in the conference. Different schools have guidelines about what they can and cannot say about a child to another parent. The teacher may just say, "thanks for bringing this to my attention" and leave it at that. This does not mean the teacher isn't going to do something about the problem.

 

[FourFlans]

Absolutely bring it up. Look, parents can't be there all day to monitor the activities that go on at school, so we should hold the school's responsible for not just the basic academic success of our children but also their safety and sanity.

A few weeks ago DD8 came home and said a boy in her class and after school YMCA group threatened her. They were exchanging words (I'm sure she was giving as good as she got) but then he tried to push her down the stairs and said "you'll meet my pocketknife on Monday." Yes, that was probably just a 3rd grader spouting off at the mouth. But we don't know this kid or his family, so how can we judge if it's a serious threat?

I immediately went to the in-charge teacher and reported it. She then took it from there. DH went to the school first thing Monday to speak with principal, who already know of the situation, and told DH very confidently that it would be dealth with according to school policy, which is very strict.

We were ultimately satisfied with the resolution and felt the administration and DD's teacher have handled it and stay aware of the potential for future issues with this kid.

Basically, you can't expect to protect your kids all the time, but we can make sure that the responsble adults surrounding them are fully informed in order to prevent bad things from happening. No kid, no matter the age, should be threatened, bullied or harrassed, especially in a school setting. If those girls aren't there to learn, and if they're making it difficult for others around them to learn and grow, then they should be removed.

 

[mom2boys]

Absolutely bring this child up.
I have a similar post about a particular 5th grade boy my son & his classmates are having to deal with.
Document things for your own purposes.