DS Having Problems at School...Any Advice?

[dis75ney]

Hello-

My DS, 7, is in the first grade. They are supposed to be writing a short story for their "final project," but DS wants nothing to do with it. He has some fantastic ideas and just needs to write them down, but he will not write to save his life!

His teacher called me today to explain the situation. She mentioned that DS is a perfectionist (which we already knew) and - this is what caught my attention - when he DOES write, he writes "from the bottom up" (ex. instead of starting a lower-case b with the line and then drawing the circle, DS will draw the circle and then the line). Not that that in itself is a big deal, but the teacher then said that DS will forget which side to draw the line, or he'll put the line on the wrong side, and then get very upset when it's not right and he has to erase the letter.

Is it possible that DS could have a learning disability that is making him scared to write anything for fear that he will mess up? I've made an appointment with a pediatric psychiatrist, but thought I'd search out some advice from my fellow DISers...

Thanks in advance!

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Jeeze - I still write d's when I mean to write b's sometimes - is that wrong?! Serously though, I think its a good idea to take him to the pediatric psychiatrist (who knows, maybe hes OCD or something, I think we all have a little of that in us, but some people have more than others), as long as you preface it as something positive - if he does have a perfection thing going on, he may freek out about the fact that mommy is taking him to a shrink. Just tell him that the pediatric psychiatrist is a friend of Mommys and he has heard so many great things about him, that he wants to meet him. Also, have him tested for dyslexia (can you tell I have it - I can't spell to save my life!! Thank god for spell check!!) - maybe theres an at home test you can do or something like that. The thing I'm worried about is since hes such a perfectinist, you don't want to set him off in any way thinking that theres something "wrong"with him. You just need to let him know that all people are different, and different people learn different ways - theres nothing wrong with it.
One last word of advice - my parents forced me to go into the "special classes" at school becaue of my dyslexia, and it made things worse for me. It made me feel like the biggest (and stupidest) loser in the world - and to make things worse, the whole school knew I was in the classes because I wasn't in the regular classes. So what I'm saying is, if the school determines that your DS needs extra help, think about his personality before you say Yes to it - think about how he will react to being pulled out of his regular classes with his friends and put into the "stupid" (no flames, thats just the way I thought of it and myself when it happened to me in 3rd grade) classes. There are other things you can do other than "special classes" like a tutor, or working extra hard with him by yourself. Just a thought.

 

[HillPete]

Ask his teacher if she will accept a typewritten story. My DS hates the act of writing, but has tons of cool stories in his head. Once we plopped him down at the computer and let him type, his writing really took off.

Teach him how to backspace to correct misspelled words, then leave him alone. Let him print when he's ready (I'd stay incontrol of the printing if I were you. I've run out of ink several times since I taught my sons how to print. They're addicted!) and turn in whatever he produces.

As long as it isn't a handwriting exercise, this should be fine. Good luck!

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

My DS (he's 10 now) had a similar problem in 1st grade...and his 1st grade teacher gave me the best advice ever (apparently, many 1st grade boys don't like to write). Write WITH him! What I mean is this. Have him tell you his ideas and then YOU write them down in 2 to 5 words. Once his idea is on paper, then give him the pencil and have him flesh out the idea more with your help. You may have to help him find the words or offer suggestions (do you like huge or gigantic better?)

My DS is now in 4th grade and something finally kicked in for him in 3rd grade and he now writes really well (his penmanship is poor still...but he writes using rich, descriptive sentences).

There's a software out that also helps...I think it's called inspiration?

As our 1st grade teacher put it...some boys (and girls too) don't have the patience to sit down and write out their lovely ideas. If you turn it into a "joint" project (we called it story sharing) where you help the child get the ideas down and develop them further, the project becomes easier and the child gains confidence.

Another technique we employed over the summer (between 1st and 2nd grade) was writing a children's story together. It all started because his 2 favorite stuffed animals (MooMoo and Goldie) accidentally got put through the washing machine...so we called the book MooMoo and Goldie and the Spin Cycle. I'd write one sentence...and then he'd write a sentence...and then I'd write the next. Once we finished the text, DS drew all the pictures. When we started out, we did an outline....

How did they get into the washer?
What did they think when the water was rushing in?
How did they like the agitator?
What was the spin cycle like? Did they get sick?
How did they feel afterwards?

Hope this idea helps.

Karen

 

[AuroraBeauty]

I don't think your DS has a learning disability, per se. However, there does seem to be some indication that either he did not get how to write letters or that there is some bit of disarray in his brain for certain letters.

Does your son wear glasses? If he does then they probably need to be adjusted. If he doesn't and you haven't had him checked now might be the time to do it.

Does your son have good hand/eye coordination? If he doesn't then that could be leading to some of the difficulties.

Just some thoughts.

Best Wishes!

 

[ERMama]

My oldest, also in first, writes the same way (usually the circle first then the line). He does receive special ed services but not in OT any longer and how he writes has nothing to do with his special needs. Some kids just do things differently. As long as the letter is legible when he is done I see no problem with how he physically writes.

My son hates to make mistakes and has low frustration tolerance. He used to hate writing and although its not his favorite thing to do he does it at school but wont write at home. He does still mess up S's and C's (interchanges them) and has issues with B's and D's, etc.

Does your son like to draw? Could you encourage him to at least draw pictures for his story? Some kids have fine motor skill issues and have problems holding/controlling a pencil. OT or a pencil grip can sometimes help.
We had my son do mazes and dot to dot on paper to start to build up his control of the pencil.

Can you have him practice letter writing at home? Encourage with a nice "reward" (ice cream, movie, etc). If hes worried about others seeing it, tell him it does not have to go to the teacher. Its just something between you and him.

Is this something that needs to be done in class or can it be done at home? Is he worried about writing too slow in class and not getting much done?

Can school evaluate him for learning disability? Honestly, most plain ol' child psych docs can not diagnosis LD specifically but can only tell you if they dont think hes ADHD, etc. They may tell you if hes more OCD though.
We saw a child psych and all they said was our son wasnt autistic. A combo of pediatric neuropsycholgist and the school, we are getting my son the help and diagnoses he needs.

FTR, my son has never gotten teased yet for being pulled from classes.

 

[MouseLover]

I second the idea to see if his teacher will allow him to type his project.

Also, maybe try using a different type of paper, with a border or something. Simple, I know, but some things click with some kids. I have a boy in my class right now who hates to write, but if I let him tape 3 sheets of paper side to side, he will write anything!

 

[bellebud]

just wanted to respond that my ds6 in first grade writes his b's and d's like yours... the circle then the line. I never thought anything of it.

 

[holly7347]

My oldest just turned 5 so I don't really know what is "normal" for that age. But DD got help from an Occupational Therapist through the school for a few issues. She wasn't holding pencils, crayons, markers etc the right way she was basically wrapping her fist around them like a toddler does. She wasn't holding sissors right either. Her issue was steps. But she met with the OT once a week for 30 minutes since the start of the school year and now does the pencil right. But she still ocassionally picks up sissors wrong but if you tell her she is holding them wrong she knows how to fix them. So I definitly think asking someone could be beneficial. Maybe he just needs more practice and someone to show him the right way.

I would see if the teacher would let him turn in something typed for this time but that is really just a short term fix. For his own benefit he needs to know how to write.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

My son had this exact problem in first and second grade. I am a former teacher and would say that if he is reading and doing math at grade level, he probably doesn't have a learning disability. I don't think my son was ever taught to print correctly. He just started writing himself. My middle child doesn't have this problem because I was insistent in pre-K that she learn to write correctly.

Cursive has been wonderful for my DS. Anyway, in first and second grade, sometimes I would have him dictate the words to me, and then he would rewrite it. That seemed to help because he didn't have to think about what he wanted to say at the same time as thinking about the physical act of writing. Like your son, he is a perfectionist and would get so upset about the handwriting that he couldn't think about the creative aspect. If I could go back, I would probably have an OT check him, but the problem seems to be all better. His cursive is beautiful!!

Good luck!

 

[nessz79]

Serously though, I think its a good idea to take him to the pediatric psychiatrist (who knows, maybe hes OCD or something, I think we all have a little of that in us, but some people have more than others

I'm totally not a psychiatrist, but a high school teacher. I have a student who is OCD and the super-perfectionist stuff with the writing happens with my student with OCD. Maybe it's not it, but it could be.
This student is incredibly bright but becomes very bent out of shape if his notes aren't "just so."

 

[SmallWorld71]

Hello-

My DS, 7, is in the first grade. They are supposed to be writing a short story for their "final project," but DS wants nothing to do with it. He has some fantastic ideas and just needs to write them down, but he will not write to save his life!

His teacher called me today to explain the situation. She mentioned that DS is a perfectionist (which we already knew) and - this is what caught my attention - when he DOES write, he writes "from the bottom up" (ex. instead of starting a lower-case b with the line and then drawing the circle, DS will draw the circle and then the line). Not that that in itself is a big deal, but the teacher then said that DS will forget which side to draw the line, or he'll put the line on the wrong side, and then get very upset when it's not right and he has to erase the letter.

Is it possible that DS could have a learning disability that is making him scared to write anything for fear that he will mess up? I've made an appointment with a pediatric psychiatrist, but thought I'd search out some advice from my fellow DISers...

Thanks in advance!

As a 1st grade teacher, here is my best advice:
1) Take him to a good eye doctor. MANY students who appear to have a letter formation problem have a vision problem. These problems typically show up in 1st or 2nd grade. I had one student who earlier in the year was writing all her letters like your son. Although her vision was deemed "fine" by a number of doctors, when she pushed for more tests they found problems and now she wears bi-focals!
2) Has he ever been evaluated by an occupational therapist? An OT is trained to help children with handwriting and other spacial difficulties. While it is likely to late to have him tested for this year, the school must test him for you for free and it would either help you identify his problem or at least rule it out. While it is not unusual for children in 1st grade to write their letters the way your son does, all the students in my class who do that receive OT services. (Please keep in mind that forming letters wrong like making a circle for a lower case "a" and then adding a little tail on it is not at all the same thing as mixing up b,d,p and q or writing a letter backwards. )

HTH

 

[mommy2allyandaveri]

My oldest, also in first, writes the same way (usually the circle first then the line).

Not to make light of this but my husband writes this way, his g's in particular . He is very smart and actually a very good writer. He is also a 6th grade teacher.

I just talked to him about this and he wrote out the alphabet for me. He does the tail on the g first then the circle. on his q's he does the circle first then the tail.

It may not mean anything in particular.

 

[brymolmom]

Not sure of advice - but I don't like the pp's advice to get him to type it. Part of the learning process for a 7 year old is the writing process, and by this you will be teaching him that you don't have to learn this part of the process. Unless he does have some sort of disability that will prevent him from being able to write - I think you and the teacher need to work together to get him to do it. Maybe try starting small....get him to write one or two sentences of the story a day....then add on.

Or, if you determine he doesn't have a disability that might be affecting things and he is just being stubborn and wanting to get his own way - you could do what I would with my kids - no soccer (or tv or whatever) until your homework is done. That works with mine!

 

[dis75ney]

Thank you all for the advice!

After looking back on the situation and reading the responses to my previous post, I'm leaning away from the LD aspect - I had the same issues at DS's age and I was diagnosed with dyslexia and math displacement (or something like that - I can't remember the actual name) in college, so I'm a little antsy to jump on any signs of LD so my child/ren won't have the struggles I did.

I had dinner with DS (DH was working late) last night and we talked about school. He told me that he didn't write anything because he wasn't able to "get his thoughts together." I do know that they have a set time to get their school work done and that seems to be an issue with him. As I mentioned before, DS is quite the perfectionist and, if given the time, will produce masterpieces - whether it's writing, math, or artwork (he is an INCREDIBLE artist in any medium...he's even made sculptures from Mardi Gras beads). I know his intelligence isn't the issue here - he needs to learn how to manage his time better and also realize that his work doesn't have to be perfect in order for him to turn it in.

So we decided to make up a chart to keep track of his school work and his homework. For each day that he makes an acceptable effort to get his school work done during the school day, he will get a sticker. For each night he gets his homework done, he will get a second sticker (if no homework is given, he will get a sticker anyway). If he can fill his chart with stickers (to our satisfaction - there's only 21 more days of school left this year), then we will go to Six Flags either the weekend after school lets out or the following weekend (depending on weather) - since that is when I can get discount tickets through my workplace. DS LOVES roller coasters, and since he's sprouted another couple of inches, he can go on two more coasters he's been too short to ride before. Hopefully this will give him the needed motivation to make an effort to get work done, rather than sit and say "I can't do this!"

Also, since DS's teacher does not have email (she is a maternity substitute through the end of the school year), I purchased a notebook last night so we can communicate with each other a little easier. I can note whether or not DS had a good morning, which can give the teacher a little warning about how the rest of his day may go, and she can tell me how DS did throughout the day. DS's previous teacher (and new mommy) and I would send each other emails throughout the day if issues came up, and while the notebook isn't as immediate as email, we can still keep up with DS's happenings...

I will keep everyone posted on DS's progress...thanks again!