DS got suspended from school! (a vent)

[Maleficent13]

You were paddled in the late 80's? Surely this was not in a public school?

I know paddles were still being utilized in our public elementary school as late as 1985...not sure when they stopped this.

 

[ckay87]

Damm gym shorts

This morning I learned that my dryer is capable of drying a set of gym clothes in 15 minutes with 2 big dry towels in the load also.

Sore subject for me today.

You know, I'm all for teaching kids responsiblity but I think all to often the punishment doesn't fit the crime. I mean, as an ADULT, if I forget an appointment I don't get thrown in jail!!! I have a 7th grader and I honestly think more is expected of him in his little life than is expected of me in my little life. And if he drops the ball - G*d help him.

 

[soccerchick]

Is there a way to schedule a meeting w/ one of the principals? I'd bring up the girl's tears, inconsistent enforcement of the rules, and all the stuff you've had to deal with. As a parent, I do NOT agree with the school punishing my child b/c I failed to do something (buy a gym suit, sign a paper, whatever, for whatever reason!!). That's not fair. Given the stress you've been under, perhaps they could at least expunge it from his record at this point?

Hope things will get better soon!

 

[MsDisney23]

Sounds like you have had a very bad week, I hope things get better for you!

 

[Free4Life11]

Suspending a kid for missing detention is ridiculous.

I agree. Seems pretty stupid for me. I don't get why you have to have shorts in the first place...what's wrong with sweatpants or something like that? I think the schools give out detenition too much if you ask me. So the kid didn't have shorts, make him sit on the sideline and send a note home. Missing one day of gym isn't going to kill him.

That was like when I was a kid and they wanted all of us to have a separate pair of gym shoes. My parents always said no, they weren't going to spend money to get a pair of shoes we'd just wear 3 times a week at school.

 

[Free4Life11]

You know, I'm all for teaching kids responsiblity but I think all to often the punishment doesn't fit the crime. I mean, as an ADULT, if I forget an appointment I don't get thrown in jail!!! I have a 7th grader and I honestly think more is expected of him in his little life than is expected of me in my little life. And if he drops the ball - G*d help him.

Tell me about it and have you see the school supplies list for kids these days? Give me a break! My sister had so much crap on there it was ridiculous.

Our church food pantry bought school supplies for some of the kids whose families go to the pantry and the lists from the school were insane -- one teacher was asking for "three boxes of 64 count Crayola crayons" PER student. That's a hell of a lot of crayons!

 

[snoopy]

I know paddles were still being utilized in our public elementary school as late as 1985...not sure when they stopped this.

You've got to be kidding me?! I went to Catholic school from 1967-1981, and they stopped using paddling long before I was there.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

For something like what your DS did, our school would have given "in school
suspension". That's rather extreme to suspend him, especially when you said a another student got out of it. Why wouldn't they let you get his school books?

 

[yeartolate]

My take.

Your son is 14. It was HIS responsibility (not yours) to know when/how to buy gym outfits. It was his (not your) responsibililty to know when his detention was.

I think it would have been silly to suspend a child for not bringing a gym outfit, but it looks like he was suspended for missing detention. That can appear to a teacher/administrator that he does not care about the rules or their authority.


I think ya'll should take a deep breath and learn from the experience. At 14, your son needs to be responsible for all of his needs/deadlines at school. When he gets to the real world of work and family responsibilities, he will be thankful.

I am sorry this has been such a rough strtch for your family.

 

[auntpolly]

You know, I'm all for teaching kids responsiblity but I think all to often the punishment doesn't fit the crime.

Nah, that would make too much sense.

Many times I swear that the only lesson a kid learns from school is that adults are idiots.

 

[yeartolate]

I don't think the punishment was that out of line.

The punishement was "lunchtime detention" for not having the appropriate gym outfit. I will bet a nickle that he was notified on several occasions about this. He knew what he needed and should have made his case with his mom. If due to unforseen circumstances the gym outfit couldn't happen in a timely manner - I am sure a quick call to school would have solved the problem.

The punishment of "suspension" was appropriate because it was (correct me if I am wrong) for missing detention. If a child is unimpressed by detention - unimpressed enough to not look carefully at his detention slip, then maybe a suspension will put a little more respect for consequences into him. He is probably a super great young man, but that does not mean it is not time to accept responsibility .

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Not that I am accusing the OP of any of these things, but I can see the School's side of many of these issues.

I know of some schools that have dropped In School Suspensions because:

#1 Staff is at bare bones. There is rarely a Teacher available to supervise ISS kids. Which leaves the school secretary responsible for watching over these kids which is NOT THE JOB of a School Secretary.

#2 Copy the student handbook? Sit and do worksheets that you won't get credit for? Many kids will refuse to do it. Which leaves the School Secretary from above in a very tenuous position. And you have a bored kid, who very often is also a kid with a Rap Sheet a mile long. Bored kids = trouble.

#3 After school detentions. I know we have a few Jr. High/High School personnel here. I'm sure they can well inform you how many times a year they hear:

"I won't do it, go ahead tell my Mom. She says that you are just a teacher and you can't make me do it. I don't care."

Complete lack of respect for authority and lack of ways to discipline a child really handcuff school employees.

So yeah, alot of these stories seem ridiculous and like overreactions...but they have evolved from the environment of our schools. Teachers and schools get tired of dealing with it, it isn't what they signed up for.

As for the Gym uniforms, yeah we used to be able to bring our own athletic wear. And then kids started pushing the standards of decency...and schools had to crack down.

I don't have the answers.

 

[yeartolate]

You see, from my stand point I don't find it ridiculous or over reactions.

The years of making excuses for our kids has taken a toll on our workplaces and in our governent. Do the crime, do the time.

When I was in school, the standards were different. Parents did not make excuses for the kids, in fact they continued the school's punishment at home!!

If at 14 we did not show up in our nasty green shorts and nastier green striped tops, we were given a zero for the day AND were made to work harder in class to boot. A second time might mean a parent would have to come to school and deal with the (gulp) vice principal. The end point was kids showed up to school with the appropriate garb. But the bottom line was that parents stood with - rather than against the teachers. .

 

[auntpolly]

But the bottom line was that parents stood with - rather than against the teachers. .

That was true most times when I was growing up, but now all.

I was raised to respect teachers pretty much whether they deserved it not not, but my parents just didn't blindly agree with everything the school dreamed up, and I was really grateful -- I've tried to do the same for my DD.My sisters and I were good kids who rarely made waves in school.

One time sticks out in my mind with my mom and I have the fondest memory of it . I had an English teacher in jr. high (early 70's) who's punishment for forgetting your English book was a padddling in front of the class! (such a witch!) Anyway, I did forget mine, and I made one of the only phone calls home I ever made in my life and my mom came right in with the book -- and then went down to the office and told the office what she thought of the English teacher and her punishments. I was so afraid of that English teacher and just loved mom so much for this!

I guess sometime if you, as a parent, can stand with your kid, it can be a really nice thing -- as long as you make sure you are on the right side.

 

[disykat]

The OP wasn't upset that her child was punished - in fact she assigned extra chores at home. She just doesn't get the logic of removing kids from class (when they're not being disruptive) while at the same time complaining about low tests scores etc. All she asked for is a punishment that didn't take him out of valuable classtime. I don't see that as being a parent being against the school.

 

[auntpolly]

The OP wasn't upset that her child was punished - in fact she assigned extra chores at home. She just doesn't get the logic of removing kids from class (when they're not being disruptive) while at the same time complaining about low tests scores etc. All she asked for is a punishment that didn't take him out of valuable classtime. I don't see that as being a parent being against the school.

I agree, and as a parent who very rarely said "boo" about anything in DD's school, (meaning I wasn't the complaining type) does that mean I don't think a parent shouldn't complain if they think the school is off base? No, I think you have to speak up for what's right.

 

[AC7179]

...
For those of you saying that the child was irresponsible for not having the shorts, can you tell me how the 14 year old was supposed to get 30 miles away to get his shorts? My beef also isn't that he was punished, but geez it just seems so excessive for forgetting a detention. If I was in charge and a kid forgot a detention, I would assign TWO detentions for the next few days. If they forget a second time, THEN maybe the suspension.

 

[yeartolate]

The OP wasn't upset that her child was punished - in fact she assigned extra chores at home. She just doesn't get the logic of removing kids from class (when they're not being disruptive) while at the same time complaining about low tests scores etc. All she asked for is a punishment that didn't take him out of valuable classtime. I don't see that as being a parent being against the school.

The original punishment was lunchtime detention. No loss of school time. The punishment did not impress him, otherwise he would have really checked and double checked to make sure he got it right and showed up for detention. The punishment impresses him now, I will bet.

I agree with Toby's Friend. What is a school to do? You cannot individualize punishments - that leads to the "that's not fair" arguments. You probably can't keep them in school at times that it would require extra supervision.. Is the school supposted to hire more employees to keep a suspension bay open?


As a taxpayer, I would have a tough time knowing my tax dollars were spent funding a suspension hall. OK, allow the suspension hall, but staff it with the parents of the kids attending.

I don't mean to sound flip, but school is meant for learning, not as penal system. Schools (especially public schools) have to do things in the best intrest of all the students, not just a select few. Schools have a right (responsibility) accept order.

In the whole scheme of things, if this suspension was harsh enough for the child to learn a lesson, one day out of the school year is no big deal. On the other hand, coddling the child with minor punishments over and over is a waste of their time.

 

[yeartolate]

I mean, as an ADULT, if I forget an appointment I don't get thrown in jail!!!

If you missed an appointment, you might be charged for missing it -- many offices take missiong appointments quite seriously. Many will charge you for the missed visit, others will drop you as a client.


Is detention comparable to missing an appointment? No - it is a punishment. Try not showing for a court ordered punishment on time.

I think when the suspension was handed down, the authority figure saw the missed detention as a slap in the face.

 

[Marseeya]

I think when the suspension was handed down, the authority figure saw the missed detention as a slap in the face.

But it wasn't such a slap in the face when the young lady did it, cried about it, then bragged about her crocodile tears later. My son shed tears over it, but quietly behind closed doors, so there was nobody to be impressed with "theatrics." That's besides the point.

Regarding your comment about the school being meant for learning -- that's my point! You can't have it both ways. You can't take kids out of the classroom and expect them to have wonderful test scores on their standardized tests (thank No Child Left Behind). The school will lose money if the scores are low enough and then where will they be?

At any rate, I find the discussion on some of this really interesting and enlightening! I've got the perspective of being a parent and an education student, so I'll have to face these very same problems when I get into the classroom.

I personally believe in natural and logical consequences to be used as much as possible. In my son's case, the natural consequence to forgetting his gym shorts would be that he couldn't participate in gym that day and his grade would go down. His grade goes down low enough and he's in summer school (at MY expense). You can bet he wouldn't want to do summer school. If natural consequences are being followed right in the classroom, then we don't need all these one-size-fits-all punishments. But that's kind of idealistic and I'm not sure it could really be implemented, although I'd certainly give it a shot.