DS got suspended from school! (a vent)

[Marseeya]

I can't believe on top of everything else going on in our lives this week, my 14 yo DS got himself suspended from school and I'm just livid!

First, there was my DH's car accident, then my much needed computer died, then we got turned down for a car loan... it's just been one little thing on top of another.

Anyway, my son didn't have appropriate gym shorts and we were going to go buy him a pair last weekend (there are NO clothing stores in my town, so it requires a 30 mile one-way trip). After hubby's accident, we totally forgot. So, yesterday my son got written up for lunchtime detention for not having shorts in gym class. He looked at the date on the paper (which was the 13th), and asked somebody what the date was and they mistakenly said the 12th, so he thought his detention was for the next day. Besides which, any reasonable person would expect the detention to be the next day. He missed the detention, so they gave him 1 day out of school suspension. What's worse, the kid has already missed four days of school his first week due to an illness, so he's already behind in his classwork.

I called the school and told them how angry I was that my son was being taken out of the classroom for such a minor incident and that they should have some kind of alternative punishment that'll keep the kids IN THE CLASSROOM where they belong! I'm not disputing punishment for him, but to take these kids out of the classroom for punishment and then whine when the test scores are down is just insane. Would you believe that this school won't allow after school or Saturday detention? "Transportation issues" and they don't want to have to pay teachers to stay after school with the kids. Okay, so it's better to keep a kid out of class than to inconvenience a parent who would have to drive to pick them up, or shell out a few extra bucks to keep after school. Right, makes perfect sense. After all, the district is probably pretty broke from putting astroturf on the football field. We have to have our priorities. Not to mention, the kids who are the most likely to have behavior problems and get in trouble are the kids who can least afford to lose classroom time. (future teacher talking here... not PO'd parent)

So, he's grounded and has to do extra housework today because they won't let us go into the school to get his books, otherwise he'd be studying all day with good ol' mom. Even with all that, he's much happier being home punished than he would be sitting in the classroom all day. Way to provide some great positive reinforcement for the child.

Anyway, thanks for listening. If it weren't for all the other crap going on in my life, this would probably be nothing, but it has me very upset.

Edited to add: Oh and I forgot this! One of my son's classmates got the same detention and suspension for the exact same reason. She was a girl. She went into the front office and dredged up a few tears (bragged about it later) and they lifted her suspension, patted her on the head and told her she could serve her detention today instead!

 

[golfgal]

I guess I have to agree with the school on this, YES, it does make more sense to inconvenience the parents when their kids are in trouble for what ever then to pay teachers extra to watch the kids. I think an in school suspension is a better way to go then out of school suspension.

 

[PixieDust32]

Sorry!

 

[Marseeya]

I guess I have to agree with the school on this, YES, it does make more sense to inconvenience the parents when their kids are in trouble for what ever then to pay teachers extra to watch the kids. I think an in school suspension is a better way to go then out of school suspension.

I must not have made sense, because that's what I'm saying!

I'm saying keep the kids in school, inconvenience the parents, do whatever it takes, but keep them IN SCHOOL.

But I do disagree about paying teachers to stay after school or on Saturdays. Doing anything to keep those kids in class is far more important than the football field. When I was a kid in this same high school, we had after school detentions, and let me tell you it wasn't fun having to stay after school until 5:00 and then have mom have to pick me up all angry about it. I made sure never to get detention again, that's for sure!

 

[always quiet]

Our schools have "in school suspension". The kids go to a room outside of the office and have school work to do all day. If they happen to finish all their assignments before the end of the day, they are handed the school's handbook and they need to copy it, word for word. Makes much more sense for the minor offenses.

 

[Marseeya]

Our schools have "in school suspension". The kids go to a room outside of the office and have school work to do all day. If they happen to finish all their assignments before the end of the day, they are handed the school's handbook and they need to copy it, word for word. Makes much more sense for the minor offenses.

That's what the middle school used to have and I thought it was a good alternative. Pretty boring having to sit at a desk all day, doing nothing but assignments. Wow, copying the school's handbook, though! That's a good one! How long was it?

I can see taking a kid out of school for disruption of any kind, but this? Keep him there and make him do school work. How is letting him get behind on his work going to do anybody any good?

 

[LisaNJ25]

;(

Suspending a kid for missing detention is ridiculous.

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

I am all for keeping the kids in class when they are not a disruption to the class - like your son's deal. As for the behavior problems, I think when it gets extreme enough for a suspension, it is beneficial to the teacher and the kids to get a break from that kid for the day.
Don't forget you always have the right to appeal a suspension. It will either have to go to the principal or the school board. Of course, by the time it is done, the suspension would already be served, but it would be wiped off his record. Check the district's code of conduct manual for the procedure.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

and then have mom have to pick me up all angry about it. I made sure never to get detention again, that's for sure!

oh I don't know. You seem sufficiently angry to me.

Go get him.

 

[always quiet]

Our district also has, for the more trouble causing students, a "learning center". If you get out of school suspension, this is where you go. Not quite sure what happens here though (thank goodness!!) but to my knowledge, no one has a 'day at home' if they get themselves into trouble.

DS got in school suspension one time. It's almost a funny story. Two years ago, when he was 8th grade, a boy kept hassling him. The kid is a known bully in school. Well, he had enough, knew enough that if he touched the kid, he would be in BIG trouble so one day, when the kid wasn't in his desk, he decided he would get even. Before the teacher made it into class, he out glue stick all over the boy's seat, hoping to get the kid to sit in it. Well, someone told this boy what my son had done and naturally he got in trouble. While the principal told me he was glad that my son didn't try to use violence to get even, he still needed to be punished. One day in school suspension. I DID add to this though. I talked to the principal and told him that kids today really didn't grasp the concept that people have to clean up after them when they do damage and I VOLUNTEERED my son for 2 days after school helping the custodial crew clean for an hour each day. The principal was so touched by my wanting to go over and above the standard punishment, he promised me that this would not appear on my son's permanent record. Well, I happened to see his record, it's there: "Vandalizing school property with a glue stick". Do they realize how stupid this looks?????!!!!!!!!

 

[Marseeya]

oh I don't know. You seem sufficiently angry to me.

Go get him.

There should be a smiley that's blowing his top... that would be me right about now.

DS just came into my room to ask me if he could get on the computer. OMG, if looks could kill he'd be vaporized. Come to think of it, I should send him over to his grandparents' house and make him help them clean or something. That would be the worst punishment in the world. On second thought, maybe I should save that for something more serious...

 

[golfgal]

Our district also has, for the more trouble causing students, a "learning center". If you get out of school suspension, this is where you go. Not quite sure what happens here though (thank goodness!!) but to my knowledge, no one has a 'day at home' if they get themselves into trouble.

DS got in school suspension one time. It's almost a funny story. Two years ago, when he was 8th grade, a boy kept hassling him. The kid is a known bully in school. Well, he had enough, knew enough that if he touched the kid, he would be in BIG trouble so one day, when the kid wasn't in his desk, he decided he would get even. Before the teacher made it into class, he out glue stick all over the boy's seat, hoping to get the kid to sit in it. Well, someone told this boy what my son had done and naturally he got in trouble. While the principal told me he was glad that my son didn't try to use violence to get even, he still needed to be punished. One day in school suspension. I DID add to this though. I talked to the principal and told him that kids today really didn't grasp the concept that people have to clean up after them when they do damage and I VOLUNTEERED my son for 2 days after school helping the custodial crew clean for an hour each day. The principal was so touched by my wanting to go over and above the standard punishment, he promised me that this would not appear on my son's permanent record. Well, I happened to see his record, it's there: "Vandalizing school property with a glue stick". Do they realize how stupid this looks?????!!!!!!!!

Call me a bad mom, but if my son had done something like this to a known bully I probably would have given him a big pat on the back. I am so tired of schools protecting bullies. I would have also told him what he did was wrong and he would have to accept any punishment the school gave him, but I would have been proud of him for "standing" up to the bully.

 

[dadtoagirl]

He's luck he didn't get what we used to get instead of suspension. The swats from a big wooden paddle with holes in it. This was in the late 80's so it wasn't too long ago.

That paddle really hurt too, umm, so I been told!

 

[AC7179]

Here in Texas, we have ISS which is In-school suspension. Out of School suspension is saved for the super bad stuff, as it should be. That said, I wouldn't be too angry with your son. It's not his fault he didn't have the shorts needed. Basically all he did was get the day's date wrong. I would lecture him about responsibility and then just try to forget it, BUT check and make sure it won't be on his permanent record and make sure he will be allowed to make up work. Here it is zeroes for work done during the day he is suspended.

 

[always quiet]

Call me a bad mom, but if my son had done something like this to a known bully I probably would have given him a big pat on the back. I am so tired of schools protecting bullies. I would have also told him what he did was wrong and he would have to accept any punishment the school gave him, but I would have been proud of him for "standing" up to the bully.

I did tell him how proud I was of him for not resorting to violence BUT I also wanted him to realize that when you do something like this, someone has to clean up after you. I wanted him to see that all actions have consequences.

 

[disykat]

I agree with you. In school suspension should be reserved for kids that are disrupting the classroom and need to be removed. Other kids should be kept in class as much as possible and discipline should not interfere with their learning. Keeping them after school seems like it would be more effective - detention during class almost seems like a "get out of class free" pass to me.

 

[mtblujeans]

WOW! You sound really mad! I don't blame you....your coping skills are being pushed way beyond your limits!! I hope it felt much better to be able to vent here. It should be all up hill, now, as things start falling into place and you guys can all get back into your routine after you get your car taken care of. As a side note...when you calm down I would suggest you go into the school and explain everything to them that you have just explained here and let them know what happened. Life really can throw a regular routine into a scramble....it wouldn't hurt anything at all to calmly let them know how crazy things got for you guys there for a few days!

 

[mtblujeans]

I can't find a 'blow-your-top smilie' but these can be taken under consideration:

 

[CookieGVB]

I did tell him how proud I was of him for not resorting to violence BUT I also wanted him to realize that when you do something like this, someone has to clean up after you. I wanted him to see that all actions have consequences.

Good for you. Where's that applauding smilie?

To the OP: My beef would now be with the school for not being consistent with their punishment. Go through the process of having it removed from his record, especially given the fact that another student did the exact same thing and received different treatment.

 

[snoopy]

He's luck he didn't get what we used to get instead of suspension. The swats from a big wooden paddle with holes in it. This was in the late 80's so it wasn't too long ago.

That paddle really hurt too, umm, so I been told!

You were paddled in the late 80's? Surely this was not in a public school?