Dress anxiety! help please!

[luna99]

so I'm about 6 months away from my wedding and I called david's bridal just now to make an appointment on sunday to try on dresses.. then I started looking at them online. Some of them are hideous, some of them are pretty, some of them are princess-y, but they all pretty much look THE SAME to me. I dunno.. I guess I"m looking for something unique and kinda different..

I notice I tend to either like a retro look or something simple and casual.

I've gone once before to try dresses on and I left feeling pretty bad. They didn't have too many dresses in my size, or else the owner of the boutique wanted to make me feel bad, cause she kept picking dresses in size 10 or 12 and I'm pretty sure I need something more about the 18/20/22 area... she told me just to try them on as best as I could to get an idea of how they would look. UM, I don't want to buy a dress based on how it fits me 5 sizes too small!?!

anyway, like I said I have 6 months to go and I know I have to act soon, but I really kinda dread picking a dress and going through the process. I'm not much of a shopper kinda girl and I've been somewhat overweight most of my life so I don't really enjoy clothing shopping either. Hopefully that will change as I keep losing weight.

I did find a dress I like online but you have to order it and I can't go to NYC anytime soon to try one on... I'm scared to order something online without trying it first.

I"m also going dress shopping alone.. I know everyone will say don't do that.. but I just feel so uncomfortable there and I live far away from my family so the only people I'd like to come with me that I would feel ok with (my mom and sister) are thousands of miles away.

ugh, what's a girl to do?

I need a hug.

 

[princessdisneybelle]

Aw don't stress too much. I went through the same thing. I am a 18. I found a small boutique that had samples and they had my dream dress in my size. Maybe do a search for shops in your area that have plus size dresses? Or try on some that are simular to the one you want to order. No matter what size you are. You will look beautiful I'm sure.

 

[TinkBride]

I am with ya sister!

Dress shopping when you are overweight is not fun at all.

I suggest going to David's and trying on different styles that appeal to you, then at least you can get an idea of what styles you like. You may be surprised and find a great dress, but you may also want to look elsewhere, if nothing else, you have at least began the process.

Coming from a girl who has a hard time dress shopping as well, i really do not suggest buying offline, cause as you know, things can appear one way, but once you get it on your own body, it is nothing you hoped it would be.

It will be trial and error, but David's should be a good starting point, and you may surprise yourself and fond something great there!

Good Luck!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

I wish I lived near NY...id come with you to find a dress!!

Dont get to stressed just yet

Keep an open mind & try things on & remember they can order a dress in your size.

Take a camera & have the saleswoman take some pictures of your favorite dresses & email them to your mom/sis for thier opinion.

My neice had a sweet 15(hispanic party like a wedding) & she had a local custom make her dress for around $500...thats not a bad price & it was really pretty...just a thought

I wish you the best of luck & feel free to come to the boards here for support & help

 

[cryssi]

DB's racks are sectioned off by sizes, so they should have a lot of styles in a lot of sizes! Hopefully you will find a style you like (or THE dress) and call it a day...

I never really understood why they tried to fit every size and shape bride into 1 or 2 sizes to try on. How can you really know if you love it if it doesn't even remotely fit? I'm a very visual person so I would have never found something I liked (lucky for me they fit). I saw many brides with the clips or extenders. I would think that you would get a better idea with the extenders rather than the clips, because you would be able to see all the detailing.

Anyhoo, good luck! Take pics (DB will totally let you)! Let us know!

hugs,
c

 

[DisneyDeeFL]

I feel the same way as you...I despise trying on things at the store, and I'm sure that shopping for something as important as a wedding dress just heightens the stress! I haven't started to look yet, but i think it's comforting to know that many of us go through the same feelings when it comes to trying on dresses.

Lots of brides who have already been through this process say that you should just go in there and try on all styles of gowns..because even if you have a certain style in mind, some of the best looking dresses on you might be ones that you would never consider trying on at first glance. Hopefully whichever shops you go to will have salespeople who are helpful and will give advice but at the same time, let you have your space.

While some brides find the search for the perfect dress to be the highlight of wedding planning, lots of us think it's one of the most stressful parts! Just know that you're not the only one

And once you find the one that makes you feel like the most beautiful bride in the world, it will be worth it!!!

 

[lurkyloo]

I totally know what you mean about being more interested in vintage/unique dresses! Are there any vintage or designer resale clothing shops in your area that might have a dress or two? Or perhaps something you could wear as a wedding dress even if it's not, like a 60s prom dress or a 50s cocktail gown? Another bonus to vintage shopping is they usually have lots of larger sizes. Before Twiggy changed the public taste, clothes were made to fit women with curves!

You also might want to check out the book Bridal Bargains and its website/message boards (http://www.windsorpeak.com/bridalbargains). About 1/3 of the book is devoted to not getting ripped off when you buy your dress, so it has lots of suggestions for alternative places to buy your gown. Plus, they rate every major bridal manufacturer and list whether or not they sell plus sizes. The website has local message boards for most states/metros, so you might be able to connect with other New York state brides for suggestions on places to shop.

Good luck - I know you'll find the perfect dress!

 

[JackieSparrow]

You also might want to check out the book Bridal Bargains and its website/message boards (http://www.windsorpeak.com/bridalbargains). About 1/3 of the book is devoted to not getting ripped off when you buy your dress, so it has lots of suggestions for alternative places to buy your gown. Plus, they rate every major bridal manufacturer and list whether or not they sell plus sizes. The website has local message boards for most states/metros, so you might be able to connect with other New York state brides for suggestions on places to shop.

Yes!!! the Bridal Bargains book is great!! everyone should check it out! it really opened my eyes to a lot of things about the bridal industry.

 

[Indy's Girl]

I was super worried about dress shopping as well, but it ended up working out fine. Here are some of the things I learned that may help you (for shopping as well as for the dress itself):

1. When you call to set up an appointment, ask how their fitting rooms are set up. Many bridal shops have you dress in a small room with swinging doors or curtains and then all the mirrors are out in a main room where everyone can be. I wasn't aware of this at first and I felt weird at first going out into the public room in a dress 4 sizes to small (I ended up in the 18-20 range and most dresses were 10-12). At least this way you will be prepared. I will tell you that it is not so bad after the first couple times so if this is the only set up your shops have just grin and bear it. I ended up buying my dream dress from a shop that had private rooms with mirrors etc in the room so you never had to leave!

2. I refused to even try on a dress that was smaller than a 12, not only did it not go over my head half the time (I am large chested) but I could not get an idea at all of what it would look like on me.

3. If you are large chested you may want to try on dresses with halters, I avoided these at first but found the style really complimented my body type much better than the bazillions of strapless dresses out there (also more unique!)

4. I found that when I tried on dresses with a lace up back the bridal shop woman could get it to fit my curves much more authentically, I could see what it would look like, only the lacing will be tighter in the back in my size.

5. Try to find a dress that has a focal point off to the side or a higher (empire) waist. I was told these styles are more flattering for larger women and it was true on me.

6. If you walk into a place and feel uncomfortable just leave. You do not want, need or deserve to be made to feel weird or akward so it is not worth it. I tried on dresses at a place I felt weird in and that feeling stayed with me throughout the day and made me worried to go out looking again.

7. Do not let the sales ladies talk you into buying a dress if you don't feel it. I was sure I would never "just know" if a dress was right, and lo and behold when I put my dress on I KNEW it was the one and started crying. Look until you know. I heard one sales lady telling another bride (at that icky shop I mentioned above) that the whole "the one" dress thing is a big myth and that most people never feel anything, they just think a dress is pretty and they choose it. I don't believe this. You will know.

8. You may want to check out Alfred Angelo's website. I found many of his styles extremely flattering to my body type, and he does not charge extra for plus sizes. Many bridal shops should carry his designs, but if you want to take a look before you go shopping that may help.

Sorry this is so long, but I just kept thinking of things to add. Feel free to PM me if you would like more info, I know how tough it is shopping as a larger woman.

 

[Moonpie]

I didn't like a lot of the dresses that I saw in bridal stores either. I also thought a lot of the dresses looked the same...and I couldn't find any with sleeves! In fact the first shop I went into to try on dresses, I left feeling like I would rather get married in my jeans and a t-shirt!
But keep an open mind. You don't need to buy a dress from a bridal shop. In fact you don't even need to buy a bridal dress at all! I looked at a lot of regular dresses in stores, and even thought about having someone make a dress for me.
*hug*

 

[DisneyFairy19]

I say try David's Bridal... They are very helpful and they can always order any size... They have a variety of styles... Good Luck

 

[luna99]

thank you everyone for all your help and Indy's girl, what great tips..thank you so much for your your help!

I have checked out the alfred angelo site and there was actually a dress on there that I fell in love with... I called my local bridal boutique, (not david's bridal) and they said they had that style in... so I went in to try it on and it was a size 8! I don't think David's bridal carries alfred angelo for some reason.. but I'll ask. If they had that style in my size, I think that COULD be the dress!

this is it: http://www.alfredangelo.com/index.c...tegoryID/32e5a88c-cbf1-498f-afcf-dbfca138c5d3

also there is this dress that I love, and I am going to NYC in April so I could go to the shop and try it on, but maybe waiting until April is too long considering I'm getting married on September 1st...

http://threaddesign.com/collections/pages/i557_63.php

any suggestions?

I think these dresses would look good on me because I'm smaller up top and have more hips, butt so as long as they kinda skim my hips and flow a bit, I think they'll hide my bottom half.

also, whomever it was that said it was hard to find a dress with sleeves... I hear ya!! Pretty much everything is strapless!! I bought some 3 pound weights and have been doing arm exercises constantly! haha.

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Yeah, strapless seems to be what most of the dresses are. I bought my dress, and I was actually smaller than I thought. She wanted me to try on a Size 12 and I was like 'That's never gonna fit me'
I was right, but it wasn't far off. I managed to see what it would look like on and I ordered it in that size as I am presently losing weight.
I'm doing arm weights too as I noticed that as my dress is a corset style it totally pushes everything up, so my arms actually look bigger than they are. Like me, you still have under 6 months to go til your Wedding. Don't stress too much.
To give you a laugh, I went to LOOK at dresses and had no intention of trying any on. I had not shaved my legs , nor was I tanned and my make up was not done like it usually is, my hair had frizzed up due to the weather so I was not looking my best. My mother convinced me to try on the dress and I was so embarrased as the woman had to strap me up in the back. I kept apologising to her and my mom was laughing. My advice, go at least a little prepared!

 

[tlhbdm]

Here is my dress it is in the David's Bridal woman collection. Mine was a size 16 and I know it goes up from there.

 

[cryssi]

luna99, DB only carries DB gowns. There are freestanding alfred angelo stores (that's where I ordered our BM dresses at), but other salons will carry alfred angelo as well (as opposed to DB dresses that you can only get at a DB).

 

[Maggimus]

They told me not to be offended when they give me a bigger dress because bridal dresses run smaller-- and I was pleasantly suprised that I actually needed 2 dress sizes smaller (which was a smaller size than i wear in jeans--lol goes to show you my weight is in my hips and big ole butt!!

I also went dress shopping- ALONE! I took ppl back with me for alteration appts for input but I knew that the dress decision was mine to make alone-- and I was a lot more comfortable in expressing my one and only opinion if I was alone (not to mention I had a tiny break from work and it just kinda worked out that I could go when I did). GL

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

They told me not to be offended when they give me a bigger dress because bridal dresses run smaller-- and I was pleasantly suprised that I actually needed 2 dress sizes smaller (which was a smaller size than i wear in jeans--lol goes to show you my weight is in my hips and big ole butt!!

/QUOTE]

the same thing happened to me....i went smaller cause i carry in my lower half....thats why i went with a full skirt

When DH messes with me about my booty, I tell him Im voluptous

 

[Indy's Girl]

One thing I did notice as I was looking through the Davids Bridal catalogue I stil have laying around is that they do have several "knock off" alfred angelo styles. The funny thing is that even though they use cheaper materials etc. it is the same price as the original angelo! This may prove helpful to you however as you could take a picture of the dress you like into DB and see if they have a similar (or the same!) style. If it looks good you can have another store order one for you from Alfred Angelo or just get it from DB. You could also look around for more boutiques and ask if they carry that dress in a larger size for you to try on. The original place you went to should be able to give you the style number. That way, you don't make a drive before knowing if it will work out!

BTW I think your choice is stunning! I have a similar cut at the front (how it V's) and absolutely love it. No matter what you choose you will look great!

 

[Maggimus]

They told me not to be offended when they give me a bigger dress because bridal dresses run smaller-- and I was pleasantly suprised that I actually needed 2 dress sizes smaller (which was a smaller size than i wear in jeans--lol goes to show you my weight is in my hips and big ole butt!!

the same thing happened to me....i went smaller cause i carry in my lower half....thats why i went with a full skirt

When DH messes with me about my booty, I tell him Im voluptous

Its good to see im not alone-- Dh gives me a hard time but I think in the end... he really likes it

 

[luna99]

Dh gives me a hard time but I think in the end... he really likes it

ba dum bum BUM! *rim shot*