Drawing the line

[pigletgirl]

We're almost at the 6 month mark for our wedding day! So far we've nailed down the venue, caterer, church, pastor and cake decorator.

Well, we just received our printed invitations, and we're planning on sending the save the date out next month sometime (at least before the major holidays) and so we're still dicussing guests. Two of my bridesmaids are now dating a new guys, and I'm guessing my mid-April they will be more of a couple (pending that things are still going well)...so, should I include them? DF and I hardly know them. At most they are aquaintances. It wouldn't be like we're excluding them, would it?

Also, DF has some extended cousins that he has never met, but through the grapevine they have found out about our wedding and are wanting to come. They are 3 couples each with 5 kids. Their kids are young, with the oldest only being 8. Also, I guess DF's mom mentioned that they could be IN the wedding too!! The only children in the wedding was going to be my younger siblings....
I guess they could be honorary flower girls and ring bearers however that makes our wedding party enormous!

Ahhh, what to do!!!

Also, if this helps, we need to have close to exact numbers because we're doing a sitdown dinner.

 

[Mimi1965]

I've never heard of getting a wedding invitation 5 months ahead of time.
More like 3 weeks

People may set them aside and forget about your wedding
Why not send "SAve the Date" cards this early?

 

[pigletgirl]

I've never heard of getting a wedding invitation 5 months ahead of time.
More like 3 weeks

People may set them aside and forget about your wedding
Why not send "SAve the Date" cards this early?

I meant to say, save the date.

The cards are printed, but I've put them away.

Sorry, my mind is jumbled...

 

[Keira1387]

Hi there, I personally would give your bridesmaids the option to bring a date. I don't think you should worry about your DF cousins that he has never met. Just my personal opinion, I don't see the need for having someone there that neither one of you have met. Good luck :

 

[bumbershoot]

I would do "and guest" for the b'maid invitations. It's just nicer that way (vs not inviting their dates at all), if you can swing it.

Only you guys get to choose wedding party, and hopefully the parents understand that. But these are extended cousins and he doesn't know them? And there's 15 kids between them (3 couples with 5 kids each?)? Unless you've started a precedent of inviting your own extended family, I'd say no to that one.

I hope it works out for you, ordering the invitations before having the guest list done!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Well, for the 'save the date' cards, you really only need to send to the bridesmaids; you don't need to address those to potential dates. I wouldn't worry about addressing those invitations yet, since you don't know how things will be between those couples then, yet (if that made sense ).

But, inviting the cousins and and having their kid in your wedding party because your future mother in law said something (to them, to you, to anyone)? Respecfully, if she gets married again* or has a, what do you call it - vow renewal! - she can invite whoever she wants and form her own wedding party. THIS wedding, and its guest list, attendants, menu, location, etc., is YOURS.

*not intended to be insensitive or offensive.

 

[XYSRUS]

Each bridesmaid should be invited "so-and-so and guest". I might invite the cousins but no way would the kids be in the ceremony if you aren't close. Save the Date cards should go out to primary invited people, not to potential "and guests". Good luck!

 

[golfgal]

I agree, address the save the date cards to the individual people only (but I would HOPE that your wedding party has already done this and wouldn't need an "invite") and when it comes time to address the actual invites they should be addressed to "Bridesmaid and Guest". "Save the Date" cards really are not common here unless someone is doing a destination wedding so I am not really "up" on how they work.

Have you gotten your photographer yet? You should do that SOON if you haven't.

 

[IFLOSIRI]

If they are close enough to you to be in your wedding party they should be allowed to bring a boyfriend they are involved with. Not just any date.

 

[MIGrandma]

Your bridesmaids should be allowed to bring one guest each with them, whether it be their current boyfriend, or just a friend. As for the extended cousins your future husband has never met, just tell his mother sorry but they're not invited. And no way should their kids be in the wedding, when you don't even know them, or their parents. That is just ridiculous.

 

[Abbie]

It makes so much more sense to send the save-the-dates a few months prior rather than a year in advance! We just got one recently and it's more than a year away. I don't even have a calendar for next year yet. But I do think you should go ahead and put the names on them the same as you would a wedding invitation since it's good to know who in the family is invited. We were surprised with the one we got that DS was also invited, along with a girlfriend, but now we know and can plan accordingly.

I think bridesmaids should always be allowed "and guest" out of courtesy. They might choose to come alone if they are not in a relationship but I think the offer should be extended.

As far as the cousins and kids? I can see where your in-laws might make it difficult for them not to be invited but you don't have to put anyone into the actual wedding party that you haven't chosen. Who DOES that??

 

[focusondisney]

But, inviting the cousins and and having their kid in your wedding party because your future mother in law said something (to them, to you, to anyone)? Respecfully, if she gets married again* or has a, what do you call it - vow renewal! - she can invite whoever she wants and form her own wedding party. THIS wedding, and its guest list, attendants, menu, location, etc., is YOURS.

*not intended to be insensitive or offensive.

Hi! I agree this. I have never understood people who make their kids weddings their own social event. The wedding is about celebrating the love & marriage of those 2 people. Why would the parents want people who have never even met the bride & groom there?

My DD was married last year. I had several extended cousins who we did not invite. I grew up with them. But they do not know my DD. She has only met them a few times at a rare family reunion or funeral. They would not even recognize her if they met her somewhere. So how could they support & celebrate her marriage? I had no problem not inviting them. I would not expect to be invited to their children's weddings, either, as I don't know them.

I think a wedding is a special, personal event for the couple & those that love them. Not a way for parents to repay social obligations.

Good luck with future MIL. I hope you can have the wedding you & your fiance want. Not the one his mom wants.

 

[tlbwriter]

You are seriously considering putting children you've never met in your wedding? Just say NO.

 

[tink1969]

"save the date cards"???? what the heck are those?
Sounds like just another way for a printer to make more money to me.
Your close friends family will all know the date...word gets around.

Yes, your bridesmaids should have the option to bring dates. As for the cousins, what about addressing the invitations to just the adults: Mr and Mrs Smith, not Mr and Mrs Smith and family.

Wedding invitations generally go out about 6 six weeks before the wedding.
Halls need to know 1 week in advance your total number of guests so your RSVP date should be two weeks before the wedding.

 

[Donaldswife]

Speaking from experience, SAY NO NOW to the kids you don't even know being in the wedding. My DH's aunt basically guilted my DH into letting her granddaughter (who was not even 2 yet!) be a second flower girl. I had already told my Grandmother that my cousin's daughter (roughly the same age) could not be in the wedding because she was too young and we already had a family friend's daughter (who was almost 5) all set to be flower girl. Well, you can imagine the poopstorm that ensued when my Grandmother saw that little girl in my wedding......

Not only that, but my husband's aunt was complaining because we weren't taking enough pictures of her granddaughter (who would NOT sit still!!!) She was too young, didn't want to walk down the aisle, jumped up during pictures so all the beautifully set pictures have her running around or jumping up at the last second, or turning around. It was a MESS!

And my grandmother still likes to bring up the fact that my cousin's daughter could have been in the wedding.....

 

[RUDisney]

If they are close enough to you to be in your wedding party they should be allowed to bring a boyfriend they are involved with. Not just any date.

Bridesmaids spend a bunch to participate in a wedding. They should be invited with a guest even if their date only goes out with them once... to the wedding.

Unless you are getting married on a holiday weekend, there is no need to send save the date cards to locals. They are typically sent to out of town guests so they can start to make travel arrangements if they can come to the wedding.

Everyone else will be invited to the wedding 6 weeks prior to the date.

 

[MickeySP]

Bridesmaids get an "and One" They usually have earned it.

As far as the cousins - heck no!!! If you can have DF tell her know. Might as well start him dealing with any mother issues now.

I say this as the mother of an only son, I gave girls heck until he picked his DW. She gave as good as she got, and I gotta tell you I respect her more than ever. We have no issues we can't talk about. we even hang out - so do it now, set the tone or you maybe sorry later.