Does Your Teenager Have a Curfew?

[kimblebee]

My daughter is 14/15 in October and while she doesn't have a set curfew she's still at the age where she is usually getting a ride to and from her destination so it's easier for her to stay out a little later. If she's bussing somewhere it's a little different. I'm surprised at so many places having official curfews. My city doesn't and I don't know of any that do. Maybe the smaller towns...

Do cops drive around the city all night looking for kids out past their bedtime? Isn't that a waste of resources?

 

[bsblady01]

I have not reached this point with my kids yet, but when I was a teen I had to be home by 10pm during the week and midnight on weekends. during the summer I could stay out till 1am as long as I told them where I was going. I am so not ready for this with my kids, I wish I could lock them in the house till they were 18.

 

[ravenclawtrekkie]

I only ever had a curfew on school nights - it was something like 10pm if I remember right.

In the summer and on weekends, as long as my parents knew where I was and who I was with, it wasn't a problem. (As long as I didn't wake up the whole house when I came home.)

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

My daughter's "summer" curfew is 11:00 sharp. She just turned 17 the other day. During the school year, this will probably be more like 9:30.

 

[jt'smom]

My 18 year old has never had a curfew, and I'm not sure he would have really needed one because he likes his sleep! But this summer, he's working as a busser at a hot spot in our area, and he doesn't roll in from work, till at least 1am on weekends. Our only rule is that he must text me if he will be out all night. That way I won't freak out when I get up and see his bedroom door open.

 

[indimom]

Like many others here, we've never had a set curfew, but base it on what they are doing/where they are going/plans for the next day. Our kids do not go out with friends daily or even weekly, so it's pretty easy to take it case by case.
But, in general, if they went out often and we wanted to institute a regular policy: I'd say 10:30 is a bit early for a 17yo. I'd be more inclined toward a midnight curfew on a non-school night.
So far, our kids have never been late. I might put up with "extension requests" by phone on occasion, but once it started happening routinely, we'd have to reconsider. I can't have my sleep constantly interrupted by that sort of nonsense and would be very annoyed.
LATE with no notice would probably result in a significant grounding, a couple weeks at least. Respect the curfew, or don't go out.

If your child is otherwise following rules, behaving, giving you nothing to worry about, I think I'd have a nice, long talk about this situation. Consider punishment for the late arrival, but then extend the curfew. With another LONG talk about no further extensions or late arrivals, and exactly what the consequences will be if curfew is broken.

Good Luck, OP.

 

[sersee05]

We never really had a set one either. It depends on your child and what works for you. When my dd was younger, she knew,we did not want her staying out late. I think midnight on the weekends was the target. We always told her there was no reason to stay out later. Nothing good happens after midnight for a young girl. ..lol

She had to tell us where she was. Sometimes a movie would run layer or something like that. As long as she let us know, we were fine. She also had a driving curfew set by our state, so she had to be home by 11 if she drove. She liked to drive, so she would be home. That was great. She abided by it because she didn't want to get in trouble. Easy curfew! !!

Never said anything about the weeknights because she never asked or wanted to stay out late. She was too tired.

She is 18 now and can come home when she wants to. ..she is just asked to be respectful of people sleeping. I have her send me a text when she is home so if I don't hear her come in..I don't have to panic in the morning. ..lol

She is an awesome kid and I haven't had any problems with her. .so she always got some freedom. Now it would be different if she was more problematic. We will see what happens with my 13 yr old...lol

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Whatever the "legal" curfew was.

 

[bjscheel]

Timely, because last night was the first night this came up at our house. DD16 never used to go anywhere, but has a boyfriend now, and they went bowling and to his house last night. They both had to be up before 7 for work today. I was surprised she wasn't home by 9. DH texted her at 9:30 telling her as a joke curfew was 9:35 (it takes her 15 minutes to drive home). She was home by 10.

I don't plan on doing a set curfew, I know both these kids value their sleeping time so I don't expect a lot of late nights. We'll see!

 

[GaryDis]

I'm surprised no one has emphasized communicating and, if possible, coordinating with the parents of the friends of you kids. That doesn't mean feeling forced to do everything some other parent does, just that you're better off knowing what they say and do (without getting it third hand from your own kids).

I don't have kids, so I can't comment directly. I just know I've heard more than one story from my brother about how they solved parenting problems with phone calls to a few other parents.

 

[goofyintoronto]

My DS15 doesnt really stay out late. When he goes out, he goes after school (school ends at 2:20pm). And he's always home by 8pm. Had he expressed interest in staying out late on a school night, i'd tell him to be home by 9pm-9:30pm. On weekends (Fri/Sat night), anything goes.

 

[LBAK]

I have 2 daughters and my oldest did have a curfew. Good kid but let me preface this by saying she loved to push the limits. If I said be home at 11:00, she came home at 11:40. She is 29 now so she had a pager back then and if a phone wasn't available she couldn't get in touch. After months of her not adhering to the curfew I decided to let her be in charge of it. If she could come home at 11:00 three weeks in a row, then it would move to 11:15 for three weeks in a row, then 11:30 and so on. If she came home later then 11:05 it moved back to 10:45 for three weeks, if she was later then that, back to 10:30 and so on. She was totally in charge. She had a few steps back in the beginning but when she realized we meant business she did great. She did tell me she would be doing this with her child if she had one like herself.My younger DD now 20 didn't have a curfew but her personality is totally different. She's more of a homebody, more cautious etc. If she takes the train to the city there's always a text as to what train she's taking home. No real reason for a strict curfew.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Solo dose you dd always have her phone on her if so you can just check in with ho from time to time

 

[jen0610]

We never set a curfew per say. But we have always set a time that we would like for the kids to be home by based on the who's, the how's, and the why's of the situation. The kids think that if they aren't going to make it by that time, they need to call us before hand and a different time will be set or they make getting home on time work. And by making it work, if we have to come and get you, don't even bother asking to go with whom ever it was you were with again for a very long time, as the answer will be NO. If we reset your expected time and you miss it, same answer applies as if I had to come pick you up.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I don't have kids, so I can't comment directly. I just know I've heard more than one story from my brother about how they solved parenting problems with phone calls to a few other parents.

Well, for starters, most of us have not mentioned having ANY problems with our kids being out late. I know I never have had an issue--so that is reason number one not to bother contacting other parents.

 

[mamacatnv]

I'm surprised no one has emphasized communicating and, if possible, coordinating with the parents of the friends of you kids. That doesn't mean feeling forced to do everything some other parent does, just that you're better off knowing what they say and do (without getting it third hand from your own kids).

I don't have kids, so I can't comment directly. I just know I've heard more than one story from my brother about how they solved parenting problems with phone calls to a few other parents.

When children are young most activities with others may involve coordinating with other parents but that is not to be said with teenagers on a regular basis, at least not with my teens and their social group.

Most teens devise their own activities and coordinate them. I don't even interact with other parents when ride sharing - My DD will usually say: So and So's mom is dropping us at the movies, can you pick up and drop us at So and So's house where we are spending the night? I don't call the other parents to find out if this is the case, my teenager is perfectly capable of planning her own activities. Over the years I encouraged her working out the details and then just letting me know what my role was to be. I am very flexible in that regard. Between Me, Dad, older brother and now his girlfriend, it is very unlikely that one of us will not be available to participate in our requested roll.

 

[mamacatnv]

We never set a curfew per say. But we have always set a time that we would like for the kids to be home by based on the who's, the how's, and the why's of the situation. The kids think that if they aren't going to make it by that time, they need to call us before hand and a different time will be set or they make getting home on time work. And by making it work, if we have to come and get you, don't even bother asking to go with whom ever it was you were with again for a very long time, as the answer will be NO. If we reset your expected time and you miss it, same answer applies as if I had to come pick you up.

I have to say this bothers me. I personally don't ever want my child (teen or otherwise) to feel stuck and afraid to call me to come get them. I personally think that this type of attitude promotes bad decision making since the option to call Mom/Dad is the last and least favorable. I want my kids to know we will come get them if something goes awry. Perhaps they might have to hang out awhile before someone can get to them but to know that by asking for help they risk repercussions down the road would bother me.

 

[GaryDis]

Well, for starters, most of us have not mentioned having ANY problems with our kids being out late. I know I never have had an issue--so that is reason number one not to bother contacting other parents.

When children are young most activities with others may involve coordinating with other parents but that is not to be said with teenagers on a regular basis, at least not with my teens and their social group.

I should have said "communicate" instead of "coordinate", but I getcha. Thanks for helping me to learn, and I'll step back now.