here757
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2007
Converse? Are u kidding! Those hurt ur toes. Is she wearing a pair too?
Does This Seem Tacky to You?
- Thread starter belle032
- Start date
AppleDumpling
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2015
Yes, it seems to be a "thing" now. A group of girls at my son's HS wore different colored high-top Chuck Taylors under their ball gowns for the prom. I thought it was cute and heck, a lot more comfortable for dancing. These girls already owned them and wore them regularly to school.
Asking bridesmaids to buy them in addition to formal shoes just for a photo shoot is too much, and if she wants it that badly, she should be paying. Any chance you could talk to the other BMs and politely decline as a group? I would suggest she do the photos with just her and her groom. If you look at etsy, there are lots of customized wedding sneakers for brides and grooms.
BigAlsGal
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2013
Oh yeah that's messed up! Off the charts weird.
BeyondMidnight
Earning My Ears
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2016
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mom2rtk
Invented the term "Characterpalooza"
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2008
I'm guessing that varies a lot by individual. It's pretty trendy to wear them with gowns to formal events.
That said, I'd be quite unhappy buying a second pair of shoes for a wedding.
OP, how do the other bridesmaids feel about it?
Yzerbear19
I'm beautifully tragic - Elphaba (Wicked)
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2006
I think it's awful that she is trying to make you get your hair and makeup done at her salon and charging you for it.
Back in 2004 I was a bridesmaid in my brother's first wedding. It was such an awful experience that I will only be a bridesmaid again if my sister gets married. My former SIL was a real bridezilla. She made appointments at a salon for all of us to get our hair done. I had the longest, thickest, most difficult to work with hair of all of the bridal party. So when did she schedule my appointment? Last. The maid of honor had such short hair there was almost nothing that could be done with it, but her appointment was first. As it turned out my appointment was a bit behind schedule because the salon was busy because it was prom that night. When all was said and done my sister and I were late getting to the church and the bridezilla was pissed at us. It wasn't our fault! Then we find out that the person who was supposed to do everyone's makeup had canceled. My former SIL knew the DAY BEFORE but didn't tell my sister or I. So we had no makeup with us. Thankfully my Aunts came to our rescue and brought us makeup. I was soooooo close to not participating in the ceremony. The bridezilla had dictated that we go watch them open presents the next day, but we refused. She wasn't going to boss us around anymore. For my brother's second wedding I told him and my SIL that I did not want to be in the wedding. I would be a baby wrangler and watch my niece. It was a much better experience being a guest.
I think brides nowadays are asking way too much from those who are doing them a favor of being in their wedding. The wedding is just one day. To me all the days and years after the wedding are more important.
Back in 2004 I was a bridesmaid in my brother's first wedding. It was such an awful experience that I will only be a bridesmaid again if my sister gets married. My former SIL was a real bridezilla. She made appointments at a salon for all of us to get our hair done. I had the longest, thickest, most difficult to work with hair of all of the bridal party. So when did she schedule my appointment? Last. The maid of honor had such short hair there was almost nothing that could be done with it, but her appointment was first. As it turned out my appointment was a bit behind schedule because the salon was busy because it was prom that night. When all was said and done my sister and I were late getting to the church and the bridezilla was pissed at us. It wasn't our fault! Then we find out that the person who was supposed to do everyone's makeup had canceled. My former SIL knew the DAY BEFORE but didn't tell my sister or I. So we had no makeup with us. Thankfully my Aunts came to our rescue and brought us makeup. I was soooooo close to not participating in the ceremony. The bridezilla had dictated that we go watch them open presents the next day, but we refused. She wasn't going to boss us around anymore. For my brother's second wedding I told him and my SIL that I did not want to be in the wedding. I would be a baby wrangler and watch my niece. It was a much better experience being a guest.
I think brides nowadays are asking way too much from those who are doing them a favor of being in their wedding. The wedding is just one day. To me all the days and years after the wedding are more important.
msjprincess
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2010
I've always paid for my own dress, shoes, jewelry, hair etc... when I was in a wedding.
But I do think it's weird that the bride and MOH would want to do everyone else's hair or even have the time to do it. And it's a bit tacky to charge for it. Can you just say you'll have it done somewhere else?
But I do think it's weird that the bride and MOH would want to do everyone else's hair or even have the time to do it. And it's a bit tacky to charge for it. Can you just say you'll have it done somewhere else?
PlainJane
<font color=teal>It was wonderful both times<br><f
- Joined
- Dec 25, 2005
I know, I would personally stay quiet and try to keep the peace, but I would be frustrated as well. It would be a pick my battles situation, like am I going to be forced to go on an expensive girls weekend trip? Something like that would be my breaking point, and I would just have to decline.
If it were a friend, I would have spoken to her about charging the bridemaids for hair and makeup. If she were bringing in some of her staff to assist, I would get it, but what she's doing seems a bit greedy. If it were a friend, I would also ask her if she really wants to spend her wedding day working. That sounds like a bad idea.
I tried to make things easy on my bridesmaids. I told them a color and length and let them find their own dress. I think I asked that the shoes be gold, but let them choose what they wanted beyond that. Jewelry was also their call, as long as it was gold. I had no requirements about makeup or how their hair was styled, they were free do what they wanted.
I had to pay for makeup at one of my friend's weddings. I wasn't thrilled about it, but it was a big deal to her for the pictures. I didn't have to pay for shoes though because I already owned the type she wanted, so price wise it was basically a wash. She also paid for jewelry for the wedding and manicures.
If it were a friend, I would have spoken to her about charging the bridemaids for hair and makeup. If she were bringing in some of her staff to assist, I would get it, but what she's doing seems a bit greedy. If it were a friend, I would also ask her if she really wants to spend her wedding day working. That sounds like a bad idea.
I tried to make things easy on my bridesmaids. I told them a color and length and let them find their own dress. I think I asked that the shoes be gold, but let them choose what they wanted beyond that. Jewelry was also their call, as long as it was gold. I had no requirements about makeup or how their hair was styled, they were free do what they wanted.
I had to pay for makeup at one of my friend's weddings. I wasn't thrilled about it, but it was a big deal to her for the pictures. I didn't have to pay for shoes though because I already owned the type she wanted, so price wise it was basically a wash. She also paid for jewelry for the wedding and manicures.
belle032
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2011
I plan on either doing my hair & makeup by myself or at my salon where I am comfortable and know they will do an amazing job. I really just started this thread to see if I was overreacting about the hair situation, but apparently, I am not alone in this. Thank god! 
Yes, she is getting custom white converses to wear apparently. I know its trendy now, and I had pairs in high school (I actually still have a ratty old blue pair that I'm very tempted to wear), but she has never worn a pair in her life and that's whats crazy to me. And then to ask us to buy them for pictures? Ridiculous.
One other bridesmaid and I are taken aback by the request, for the reasons I've stated. Another bridesmaid & the MOH pretty much will bend over backwards to do whatever she wants.
I do not know them well at all, and I can pretty much guarantee I will never speak to them after this wedding. Which is fine with me. It cannot be over quickly enough!
Yes, she is getting custom white converses to wear apparently. I know its trendy now, and I had pairs in high school (I actually still have a ratty old blue pair that I'm very tempted to wear), but she has never worn a pair in her life and that's whats crazy to me. And then to ask us to buy them for pictures? Ridiculous.
One other bridesmaid and I are taken aback by the request, for the reasons I've stated. Another bridesmaid & the MOH pretty much will bend over backwards to do whatever she wants.
I do not know them well at all, and I can pretty much guarantee I will never speak to them after this wedding. Which is fine with me. It cannot be over quickly enough!
elaine amj
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2012
Sounds like you have a bridezilla who has descended to a new level of tacky. That's CRAZY that she is charging for her own services.
I remember feeling so guilty about the expenses my bridesmaids incurred. They couldn't find a dress they all liked so I ended up buying them a length of material I liked and sent it to each of them telling them to design it however they liked. They insisted on collaborating and chose a design together they all liked. I don't even remember if they showed me before or after the fact. Then they also insisted on buying the same shoes, bag, and jewelry. Thankfully, they kept it pretty inexpensive (I have no real idea as I never saw the prices - they figured it out among themselves even after I told them it was not a big deal. I just asked for it to be silver). A couple had their dresses made by a seamstress and two others made their dresses themselves. They all looked beautiful. Looking back though, I should have gone with black dresses and insisted they use what they had/buy whatever they wanted. I'm pretty sure the glossy silver satin fabric I chose ended up being one-time use dresses, and the waste just drives me nuts.
Oh well, I'm pretty sure they spent less than the $200+ flower girl dress I bought for my DD for my niece's wedding. She looked beautiful, but many years later I am still gasping over spending $200+ for a dress for a little girl. I paid $30-$50 for the dresses she wore for my mother's wedding and my brother's wedding.
I remember feeling so guilty about the expenses my bridesmaids incurred. They couldn't find a dress they all liked so I ended up buying them a length of material I liked and sent it to each of them telling them to design it however they liked. They insisted on collaborating and chose a design together they all liked. I don't even remember if they showed me before or after the fact. Then they also insisted on buying the same shoes, bag, and jewelry. Thankfully, they kept it pretty inexpensive (I have no real idea as I never saw the prices - they figured it out among themselves even after I told them it was not a big deal. I just asked for it to be silver). A couple had their dresses made by a seamstress and two others made their dresses themselves. They all looked beautiful. Looking back though, I should have gone with black dresses and insisted they use what they had/buy whatever they wanted. I'm pretty sure the glossy silver satin fabric I chose ended up being one-time use dresses, and the waste just drives me nuts.
Oh well, I'm pretty sure they spent less than the $200+ flower girl dress I bought for my DD for my niece's wedding. She looked beautiful, but many years later I am still gasping over spending $200+ for a dress for a little girl. I paid $30-$50 for the dresses she wore for my mother's wedding and my brother's wedding.
piccolopat
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2014
When my DD got married, her friends were dirt poor. They decided on $20 black, knee length dresses from Target and simple black pumps. DD's MIL bought them lime green shawls which the bridesmaids used as sashes and the MOH wore as a shawl. DD made them matching necklaces. The flowers were bright pinks, oranges and lime green to compliment the shawls. Everyone did their own hair and makeup, mostly the way they did everyday so nothing fancy. They all looked just fine and no one but us knew had little they spent. Pictures looked fine, too. IMHO too many couples lose sight of the fact that the day is about the marriage, not the party or the pictures. No one should be expected to go into debt for one day just to be a part of the bridal party.
As a bridesmaid (or MOH), you have three requirements:
1. Wear the dress*
2. Show up on time on day of wedding
3. Be reasonably sober when you show up.
That's all.
* the dress should cost less than the lowest budget provided by a bridesmaid. The bride should ask each person what they're comfortable spending. This should be done as an open question before looking at dresses. (Not "oh, I found the most beautiful dress and it's only $350, is that ok?" - that puts pressure on people to say yes even though it might be more than they can truly afford.)
All of this other stuff treats people as if they are props for photos, instead of someone who is so close to you that you want them standing with you on your wedding day.
I am so glad that my sister was a nice bride back in the day!
1. Wear the dress*
2. Show up on time on day of wedding
3. Be reasonably sober when you show up.
That's all.
* the dress should cost less than the lowest budget provided by a bridesmaid. The bride should ask each person what they're comfortable spending. This should be done as an open question before looking at dresses. (Not "oh, I found the most beautiful dress and it's only $350, is that ok?" - that puts pressure on people to say yes even though it might be more than they can truly afford.)
All of this other stuff treats people as if they are props for photos, instead of someone who is so close to you that you want them standing with you on your wedding day.
I am so glad that my sister was a nice bride back in the day!
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