Don't be afraid of meds, but don't dare let anyone give you meds without appropriate counseling. You're obviously reacting to something that needs to change, and the meds aren't going to make them change or make you accept the things that are going on (nor should they).
Unless it's required by your insurance, you shouldn't need a referral to see most psychiatrists or cousnelors. Sounds like you need to look for someone who concentrates in family/marriage therapy. If you have a med school nearby, that is an easy place to start looking.
If, for some reason, you don't get counseling for a couple of months, National Depression Awareness is in October (not sure if it's a week or month). Lots of mental health facilities will have free screenings and meetings with psychiatrists/counselors/etc.
Take care. You're definitely not alone.