Do your kids pay rent?

[HLDisney]

After I graduated college, I started giving my parents money....not necessarily rent, but just money for my parents. I don't remember the exact amount but it was a few hundred dollars. I continued to give them money monthly over the years (I stayed at home until I was 30 when I moved into my own apt) until a few years ago when I adopted my DD and my parents told me they wanted me to save the money for myself.

My parents sent money overseas to their parents monthly/yearly until they passed away so it was just the norm for me to give money to my parents.

As for chores while at home, I admit that I probably didn't do as much as I should have but I did help out as needed.

Helen

 

[charming23]

I am almost 25 and still live at home. I do not pay rent per say but I do contribute to the household. I pay for all my own bills including the car payment and insurance. I also help out with the utilities and a bit of the mortgage. I also do most of the grocery shopping and we (mom and I) take turns cooking and cleaning. I do plan on living at home for sometime as my mom is not ready to live alone yet (my dad passed back in June) and she enjoys having me here. It has also given me a chance to save a bit more so that when I am ready I hope to buy a house and not rent and apartment.

 

[YukiPhnx]

I have such an opposite dilemma!

I'm out of school and want to move out with my DBF, but my parents won't let me! They are absolutely against me cohabiting. And even if I wanted a place on my own, they don't think the rent would be worth it.

Throughout university, I paid for my own tuition (with the help of student loans), my own rent (my school was in another town), and all my other expenses, my parents never paid a cent.

I've now found a really good job and am making enough to support myself. How can I convince my parents to let me go? My parents are very traditional Chinese and believe that a daughter moves out only after she is married.

 

[SandrA9810]

A good friend of mine had a job since he was 16 working at the radio station. After he turned 18, his mom told him to go for a second job at McD's that was opening up. And they charged him like 500$ or so month for rent. He stayed at it for a few years, trying to break into new radio stations, but nothing ever came up. So he finally decided to go to college.
Since he's got two older, and one younger sibling, his parents bought a condo just outside the university. So the kids would have some place to live. Right now, him and his younger sister live together. And all that "rent" has become his income during the school year. Then each summer he takes a job back home to sock away for the next school year.


I was kind of booted from the nest at 19, and never gone back home since. Well "home" doesn't really exsist anymore. But I've never lived with family since. And I was doing laundry since I could see over the washer. My aunt didn't have time to take care of those things. So it was left up to us to do it all. Occasionally i'd get lucky and toss my stuff with my sister. But even in high school I *hated* any one doing my laundry.

 

[mickeymaker2003]

My husband and I moved in with my parents for about six months after I graduated while he finished school. They charged us rent (can't remember how much).

When we were ready to buy a house, they gave us all our rent back to use towards the down payment.

 

[Robindianne]

When my son (at 26) and his DFi moved in, we charged them together (as one person) 1/4 of rent and utilities. DH = 1 person; me = 1 person; DS = 1 person; now DDIL = 1 person but we "blew off" one person's payment to lower their requirement since they needed the help. My son now says he felt like such a loser that he needed our help, but it only lasted a year and gave me a new start at mommying him (christmases, stockings, etc). They bought a fridge and their own food (they were more organic and healthy than we were at the time so this was an easy fix), and they did their own laundry and dishes. They "got" 2 bedrooms - 1 to sleep in and 1 for a private living/tv room for some space. We shared 2 bathrooms.

Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. I miss having them here soooooooo much! Now they are 45 minutes away. We plan to all live on common land when DH and I are old.

 

[DVCBELLE]

Absolutely my kids pay rent - at 6 & 8 it is time they started pulling their own weight around here

Seriously, I didn't have to pay rent when I lived with my parents before I got married but I had lived on my own on too low a salary with too high expenses so they allowed me to live there as long as I was paying off my debts and not being frivolous with my money!

I love the idea of paying rent and keeping it for them until they move out and then giving it to them as a down payment on a house!! DH and I will definitely do this!!

 

[Chelley00]

The rules for our kids will be the same as it was for me. Once you are done with school and working full time, you move out or you pay rent. However, if they were in trouble, we'd help out with a time frame in mind. I was allowed to move back home with my dad after my divorce, and they told me to stay there rent free for 6 months to be able to save up enough money to get a nice apartment for myself and my 2 sons.


My ILs never charged BIL rent, and he lived at home, working full time, until he was almost 30. MIL did his laundry, cooked all his meals, packed his lunch and cleaned his room, and now they wonder why he expects everyone to do things for him.

 

[MrsPete]

It is so different now than the '70 when I left home at 18 never to go back. I have a 23 year old who is still at home. When she had a job she paid for her own things. But my Husband and DD both lost their jobs 2 years ago. We are now moving in with friends until DH can find work as an LPN or finish school.

So, no DD doesn't pay rent.

I graduated in the 80s, and it is different today. I moved out the day after I graduated from high school and never lived with my parents again -- my siblings did much the same thing. There were two big differences back then: First, we didn't have huge student loans like so many students do today (partially because college expenses have increased today, partially because we lived in dorms and didn't have cars, cell phones, etc.). Second, we were more willing to live cheaply. My first apartment was two bedrooms shared by four girls (yes, we hated it, but it's what we could afford); I don't know any college students who live that way today.

I have such an opposite dilemma!

I'm out of school and want to move out with my DBF, but my parents won't let me! They are absolutely against me cohabiting. And even if I wanted a place on my own, they don't think the rent would be worth it.

Throughout university, I paid for my own tuition (with the help of student loans), my own rent (my school was in another town), and all my other expenses, my parents never paid a cent.

I've now found a really good job and am making enough to support myself. How can I convince my parents to let me go? My parents are very traditional Chinese and believe that a daughter moves out only after she is married.

The answer is obvious: Get married. If he's not worth marrying, he's not worth living with either.

 

[tink713]

As soon as I turned 18 my parents made me start paying rent, and at the time I was only getting paid $8/hr. Kids, or adults in this case should be helping out with the household bills if they are still living at home.

 

[HLDisney]

I have such an opposite dilemma!

I'm out of school and want to move out with my DBF, but my parents won't let me! They are absolutely against me cohabiting. And even if I wanted a place on my own, they don't think the rent would be worth it.

Throughout university, I paid for my own tuition (with the help of student loans), my own rent (my school was in another town), and all my other expenses, my parents never paid a cent.

I've now found a really good job and am making enough to support myself. How can I convince my parents to let me go? My parents are very traditional Chinese and believe that a daughter moves out only after she is married.

I'm Chinese, too, and while my parents didn't have a problem with me moving out on my own, they definitely would have had a problem with me moving in with a boyfriend (and I would, too)

I agree with MrsPete about getting married first.

Helen

 

[YukiPhnx]

The answer is obvious: Get married. If he's not worth marrying, he's not worth living with either.

You would think so, right? But my parents don't want me to get married yet =.= They still think it's too soon.

 

[mrsklamc]

Second, we were more willing to live cheaply. My first apartment was two bedrooms shared by four girls (yes, we hated it, but it's what we could afford); I don't know any college students who live that way today. The answer is obvious: Get married. If he's not worth marrying, he's not worth living with either.

I just want to clarify that when I said it's time to move out, obviously there are exceptions with illness, dire straights, etc. But for most of my friends after college (I'm 29) they just wanted to live like their parents even though their parents had spent years achieving that lifestyle.

 

[MrsPete]

. . . decent income for a single girl, but spent money on a nicer car, nicer lifestyle than she could afford. Because well, in your 20's you shouldn't live as well as your parents do in their 40's! Not setting money aside for housing she "felt" like she couldn't afford to move out.

I plan to charge rent, to get my young adult children in tune with spending their cash on living expenses. So it can't be all blown in make up, eating out, nice cars. They will be living a lifestyle in their means, not artificially so.

Yes, allowing your adult child to live at home without paying rent does probably feel like "helping", but it's actually allowing the adult child to build up spending habits that cannot continue -- not once he or she begins paying rent. It's preventing the child from becoming a full-fledged independent adult.

I can imagine situations in which it'd be appropriate. For example, I can see allowing a child to live rent-free if there are medical issues going on -- but that's not a situation that should last forever.

 

[MrsPete]

Ok I am so confused. In MrsPete's orginal post all I see is:" Get married.....either" but when I went to quote it all the rest showed up?

Anyway. I just want to clarify that when I said it's time to move out, obviously there are exceptions with illness, dire straights, etc. But for most of my friends after college (I'm 29) they just wanted to live like their parents even though their parents had spent years achieving that lifestyle.

I don't know why my line disappeared. It said something to this effect: If you wouldn't marry him, you shouldn't consider living with him either. Actually, I think it said if he's not worth marrying, then he's not worth living with either.

 

[angwill]

I would charge them a reasonable rent, maybe a percent of wages. Pay water and groceries out of that and then put the rest in bank accounts for each of them that you can surprise them with when they move out.

 

[MrsPete]

You would think so, right? But my parents don't want me to get married yet =.= They still think it's too soon.

Okay, is this a case of you're trying to get married really young and maybe he's not a great match for you . . . or are they overly protective and no one will ever be good enough for their little girl? I don't know whether to say you should listen to them or you should stand up to them -- but I bet you know deep-down which is the right answer!

 

[mrsklamc]

You would think so, right? But my parents don't want me to get married yet =.= They still think it's too soon.

Clearly you were very independent through school. Given that I find it weird that you are letting them tell you what to do now...But I agree, if he's worth living with he's worth marrying.

 

[mrsklamc]

I don't know why my line disappeared. It said something to this effect: If you wouldn't marry him, you shouldn't consider living with him either. Actually, I think it said if he's not worth marrying, then he's not worth living with either.

That part was there, it was your earlier part about living cheaply that wasn't showing up. Oh well. Maybe I'm just crazy.

 

[MaumeeMom]

I started doing my own laundry when I was in 3rd grade and helped with housework for as long as I can remember. I started cooking when I got into high school. My mom was sick so I did what I could and helped raise my younger sister too.

When we were old enough to drive we bought our own cars, paid our own insurance and bought our own gas. If we didn't have a car we could borrow the family car but that was rare.

Once when we were out of high school we had to pay rent ($100) unless we were enrolled in college and getting decent grades. I paid for my own schooling, books and extras. I did get a some merit scholarships but no other financial aide - I worked 2 jobs all through school.

This may sound harsh but it helped me grow into a responsible adult. I don't agree with everything my parents did (my DS12yo doesn't do laundry) but if a child is not going to school and has a job (of any kind) IMO they should be paying towards the household expenses.

I have such an opposite dilemma!

I'm out of school and want to move out with my DBF, but my parents won't let me! They are absolutely against me cohabiting. And even if I wanted a place on my own, they don't think the rent would be worth it.

Throughout university, I paid for my own tuition (with the help of student loans), my own rent (my school was in another town), and all my other expenses, my parents never paid a cent.

I've now found a really good job and am making enough to support myself. How can I convince my parents to let me go? My parents are very traditional Chinese and believe that a daughter moves out only after she is married.

I'm sorry, unless they have you chained to a wall in the basement, it is your life. Your parents can have an opinion but you are the one to ultimately make the decisions about your life.

I lived with my DH for a few years before we were married and my parents weren't happy but it was my life and my choice. They eventually got over it.

Mrs.Pete, No disrespect meant but IMO it is best to "test drive the car"; I would never get married without living with someone first. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances - we don't know the whole story.