Do your kids hate you?

[Marseeya]

I know I'm not here to be my son's best friend or anything, but the negativity and hate is just wearing me down. I truly believe that I could die today and he honestly wouldn't shed a tear.

But then I think back and remember how much I hated my own parents when I was a teenager. Was I this bad? Did I make them this miserable? Is this just karma in action?

Anyone? Surely I'm not alone in this.

 

[mickeyboat]

Mine are only 5 and 6, and there are already times when I think they hate me.

My theory is that I am not doing my job very well if they like me all the time.

Hang in there.

Denae

 

[NMAmy]

Oh, Marseeya, this happens to all parents.

Some days dd hates me--other days, I'm the best Mom ever. I have no clue why some days I'm so much fun and others I'm just horrible to have around. Usually, it has no connection to anything I've said or done.

They really do love you down deep. Some days, that love is just WAY, WAY down deep and harder to see than others.

Hang in there, darlin'.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time with your son! Sometimes it seems like such a thankless job, doesn't it?

My kids don't hate me, but my 15yo has a pretty volatile temper and explode easily. He gets over it quickly, but it seems to happen at the drop of a hat. My 12yo gets into a funk and seems to hang onto that anger for awhile. He's not explosive like his older brother, but it's more like a girl with PMS. I also have an 18yo DD who is moody (mood subject to change quickly!) and a 6yo who thinks the sun rises and sets with me.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm coming or going with all the different moods and hormones around the the house.

So no, I wouldn't say that a child hates me all the time, but it does seem that one of the three older kids is mad at me at any given point in time.

 

[Marseeya]

T&B, you really have your hands full with them. I should be glad I've just got one with the teen hormones.

My DD, thankfully, adores me, but it still doesn't balance out the negative feelings from my DS. Every once in a while with DD, I can tell she's getting a little hormonal and wants someone to blame for her weird feelings, so she blames me, then a minute later will give me a big hug and tell me she doesn't know why she feels that way. That's something I can handle and understand! I just don't get my son's resentment.

He'd better watch his attitude, because he's supposed to get off his grounding this Friday as long as everything goes well this week AND if I get to meet the GF.

Four more days, four more days, four more days, four more days.

Sorry. It's my mantra to get me through the day.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I hated my parents from the ages of 13 to 21. It's normal.

My dd is only 5, so luckily I haven't had to go through that yet. I hope she's nothing like I was when I was a teenager! lol.

 

[SC Minnie]

Today-- yep, she sure does because she is grounded from using the computer for the week.

When DD was much younger she would get mad at me and say ' I don't like you!' my reply-- 'You don't have to like my. I''m your mother!'. When she doesn't like me is when she is being punished for not following the rules. This comes with being a parents.

If our kids liked us all the time we aren't doing our job.

 

[Stitchfans]

I guess I am lucky. Both DDs and I have a very good relationship. No doubt I can and do make them very angry with me at times but I don't think it was ever to the point of hate.

IMO I kind of doubt that your son hates you. My guess is he is angry with the world and you are the one who is the closest. I've heard you always hurt the one closest to you.

 

[AuroraluvsPhillip]

My DS has been like that since around 11-12; he's now 19. It's funny how they can hate us one minute, but then still be so dependent on us at another. It's all part of the growing up and becoming independent process. Although I miss the lovable little boy he was at 5, I am very proud of the man he is turning into. He just finished his first year of college and did great, both with adjusting to being away and in his studies. As previous posters have stated, we're their parents, not their buddies.

Hugs and hang in there! We all know what you're going through!

 

[luvdzne]

Yep, I'm sure my kids hate me at times. They think I am the meanest mom around especially dd11. She tells me that I ruin her self esteem because I make her wear her helmet, don't let her go to the mall by herself, won't let her wonder the neighborhood with out telling me where she is going..........

She soon gets over it as soon as she needs something from me like say a ride somewhere, money, new clothes.........

Just doing my job

By the way, I think all kids "hate" their mom at some point in their lives. They are fighting for independence and moms sometimes stay in the way of that.

 

[Marseeya]

Thanks, guys. I just needed to hear that it's normal. I'm really hurting today -- I think it just wore me down after a long weekend with DS being home from school.

He was a little bit like this when he was younger, but he also had good moments too where he was like a ray of sunshine. I haven't had a good moment with him in literally years. These days, his good moments are when he's sullen.

I think I'm in mourning for my little boy.

 

[noseybuddy]

I know I'm not here to be my son's best friend or anything, but the negativity and hate is just wearing me down. I truly believe that I could die today and he honestly wouldn't shed a tear.

But then I think back and remember how much I hated my own parents when I was a teenager. Was I this bad? Did I make them this miserable? Is this just karma in action?

Anyone? Surely I'm not alone in this.

No, you are NOT alone. My DS(17) hates both me and his father. We just don't understand it. It has it so easy. He doesn't do anything around the house. Never mowed a lawn, doesn't clean up his room or bathroom, does absolutely nothing. Yet he hates us and he can't wait to leave. He graduates this June but doesn't turn 18 until August. The summer is going to be terrible. I even booked a cruise for Nov. and he hates us so much he doesn't even want to go. People tell me he will change, but I just don't see it. He has hated us for years, but this year has been the worse. So I feel for you, but I have no answers. We even gave him a new car to use, mostly for school and work, but he does use it for his social time, and we even paid his insurance which is sky high, yet he hates us. Makes no sense.

 

[taylor1293]

Nope, so far my DD's and I have a great relationship. It probably won't last, but I can be hopeful .

 

[OhMari]

No, you are NOT alone. My DS(17) hates both me and his father. We just don't understand it. It has it so easy. He doesn't do anything around the house. Never mowed a lawn, doesn't clean up his room or bathroom, does absolutely nothing. Yet he hates us and he can't wait to leave. He graduates this June but doesn't turn 18 until August. The summer is going to be terrible. I even booked a cruise for Nov. and he hates us so much he doesn't even want to go. People tell me he will change, but I just don't see it. He has hated us for years, but this year has been the worse. So I feel for you, but I have no answers. We even gave him a new car to use, mostly for school and work, but he does use it for his social time, and we even paid his insurance which is sky high, yet he hates us. Makes no sense.

Go to a area where there will be no disruptions, yet let it be in a public place where you cannot scream at each other. I think you need to ask your son why he hates you or what is troubling him. Don't let him get away with mumbling and not looking at you-look at each other and let him do most of the talking and listen.

 

[OhMari]

I know I'm not here to be my son's best friend or anything, but the negativity and hate is just wearing me down. I truly believe that I could die today and he honestly wouldn't shed a tear.

But then I think back and remember how much I hated my own parents when I was a teenager. Was I this bad? Did I make them this miserable? Is this just karma in action?

Anyone? Surely I'm not alone in this.

I've seen a few posts by you Marseeya, concerning your son. I remember not getting along with my parents when I was a teenager, and what sticks out in my mind was my parents only paid attention to me when I got myself in trouble. They really didn't spend time with me when I got to Jr. High and h.s. I don't think h.s. kids want to spend time with their parents they want to be with their friends. But how come I remember so well the day my mom asked me to go golfing with her after school. I couldn't believe my mom wanted to spend time with me. We had the best time that afternoon and it never happened again. I couldn't wait to get out of my parents home when i graduated and I was married within 1 year of h.s. I still don't have a great relationship with my parents but we do talk and see each other.

I didn't repeat that pattern when I had my own kids. Yes I do have arguments with my kids, 23, 22, 18 & 16, who doesn't. We all like spending time, and doing things with each other.

 

[Robinrs]

I'm so saddened by this thread. Marseeya, I hope things turn around soon.

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[camreesmom]

marseeya, this thread really hit home for me. I feel for you. I have twin DS14 and I know that there are times when they hate me. I have one who has a very quick temper and one who is a little calmer but I know that they are not always happy with my decisions. It makes it harder because their dad and I have been divorced since they were 1 and now their dad's GF tries to be the "cool" one and of course, I am definitely not cool. The first time they told me that they hated me, my reply was well, it won't be the last time you feel that way. I have told them that it is my job to be their mom and make decisions about what I think is best for them.....it is not my job to be their friend. I can't wait until they grow up and I know something again! I totally understand what you mean about being in mourning for your little boy.

On the other hand, DD3, DD7, and DD10 still think that I know most everything and what I don't know, Daddy does. Hang in there and know that you're not alone.

 

[inaminute]

Yup. My kids have hated me off and on since they were old enough to know right from wrong. The good news is they're grown now and no longer hate me. Well, most of the time, anyway.

Don't take it personally. They don't REALLY hate you. It's usually the situation they're in that they hate. You just happen to be the one making sure they do right when they want to do wrong. And, they know you love them no matter what. Those two things together makes you an easy target for their frustration. Which, in their immature minds, takes the form of "hate."

Just keep doing what you're doing. Think if it this way--if you're kids don't "hate" you at some point, then you aren't doing a good job!

 

[minkydog]

DS19 hated me for a long, long time. He could barely be civil to me and if he was invited to go somewhere with the family, his first words were, "Is mom going?" His hatred for me was easily the most difficult thing I have ever endured. He absolutely oozed hostility. He couldn't wait to leave home after his senior year--in fact, he quit school(age 18) with 6months left to graduate and joined a Disney On Ice tour for 4-5 months just to get away from me.

And that was the turning point... He learned that out on the road, nobody picks you up when you fall down, nobody cares if you're sick, nobody's there at the end of a tough day to make you some dinner or share a hug. Just a bunch of roadies living the hard life with no end in sight. It was the
best education he could have gotten. He left the tour and begged to move back home. I was very reluctant because I was really enjoying the calmness of our home, after all those years of turmoil. I had begun to develop a deeper relationship with his younger sister, who always seemed to get pushed aside by his drama.

I have to say, to my great surprise the hatred is gone. DS has talked a little about his road life, but mostly how it helped him know what he didn't want. Not that it's been a bed of roses--in fact we're devising a plan to get him out and on his feet now. But DS is respectful, has a job,helps with housework, asks to take trips with us, and even brings home DVDs he thinks I'll like.

What a difference a year can make. Don't give up hope, Marseeya. Your time will come eventually. All you can do until then is continue to love him and not get sucked into fighting with him.

 

[hentob]

I think that it is troubling for a child to hate his parents for years at a time. This can't be normal. I am sorry Marseeya, but I have read your posts and I think your son needs a different counselor. He is not progressing and I do believe that there is an answer for your family out there. But, what you are currently doing is NOT working. And in the mean time, you are killing yourself. This can't be good for you day after day, Marseeya. This is not what life is about

I think you need a new plan. I don't know what. I just think when you try and try and nothing positive is happening, you have to go a different route.

I have posted on here several times about a website called conductdisorders.com Without going into detail, a friend of mine was going through some very rough times with her teenage son. She often found this website to be a place where she could vent freely. I also suggested to you a few weeks back that you send your son on some kind of "missionary" camp. It doesn't have to be religious, but somewhere he can go and help others that are less fortunate than him. New Orleans comes to mind. Maybe if he gets away from his friends and sees that he CAN make a difference, that will set him on the right path. His current attitude reeks of underachievement. He needs to get a boost from within. Physically helping others is an amazing and life-changing experience. Please consider this for him.

I really feel so badly for what you are going through