Do you read your teens text messages??

[StitchBuddy]

Question??? Do you read your teen's text messages?? What are your thoughts?? I am debating whether I should or shouldn't.

 

[Cantw8]

I do not. I have enough stress in my life Unless you feel the need to do so because of odd behavior; if you are worried about them, then I would not

 

[Pixiedust34]

No

 

[Goofyluver]

Our son (15) doesn't have a cell phone. He used to. We found that cell phones are often unnecessary things that cause nothing but drama, whether for the user or for others. Sometimes, the cell phone user doesn't even have to be the one causing the drama to be affected by it.

When he did have a cell phone, yes, we absolutely read the texts. We paid for the phone, owned the phone, and graciously permitted him to use it. When it became a problem, we took it away.

As long as our kid is a minor living in our house, there is no expectation of this type of privacy.

If you're having doubts, and it sounds like you are, I'd read the texts. Plus, I think it's a good idea anyways. You just never know what you'll stumble across.

 

[luvsJack]

This question usually gets pretty heated. I can only answer from experience.

I used to be one of the posters on the side of "never, never, never" but then one night I KNEW dd had gotten some texts that upset her but she wouldn't talk about it. Sooooo, I broke down and read them. I really, really wished I had not.
She had not done anything wrong but I was so MAD at her bff.

It was silly boy drama and it blew over after a few more little incidents but if I had never read the darn texts, I wouldn't have known what was said and I wouldn't have reacted nearly as strongly about the other things that happened.

So, I will say that I learned my lesson. Dd and I have an agreement that if anyone says anything that is bullying or that I need to know, she will tell me. Hopefully she will live up to her side of it. And I live up to my part and I don't read her texts.

I had to learn that for dd, reading her texts would be equal to my mom listening in on my phone conversations back in my day. I would have been LIVID and would have never trusted her again. I want dd to know that I trust her and she can trust me.

So, I said all that to say this: no, I don't read her texts. At least not anymore.

 

[Bonniec]

Usually no but we have had a few occasions where we did. I'll tell you a funny story about how snooping can get you in to trouble!

My son was texting someone named Dylan suggestive/flirty comments. Dh and I stayed up talking for hours about how we should approach the situation. So we sat him down and told him it was okay that he was gay. Turns out...Dylan was a girl. I wish I had video taped his face.

We didn't snoop anymore after that, lol. We all still laugh it.

 

[luvsJack]

Usually no but we have had a few occasions where we did. I'll tell you a funny story about how snooping can get you in to trouble!

My son was texting someone named Dylan suggestive/flirty comments. Dh and I stayed up talking for hours about how we should approach the situation. So we sat him down and told him it was okay that he was gay. Turns out...Dylan was a girl. I wish I had video taped his face.

We didn't snoop anymore after that, lol. We all still laugh it.

Oh my goodness! I can just imagine the look he was giving you!

And I agree snooping can get you in trouble, especially when you don't know all the details!

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

My daughter is not a teenager and does not have a cell phone yet (much to her annoyance ) but I do read my goddaughter's txt messages and I use to read my nieces'.

However, they know I do it and usually just hand the cell phone over.

My daughter already knows, when I get her a cell phone there will be no privacy and I will most likely put a tracker on it. If she has a problem with it, I have no problem not paying for the cell phone

 

[kimblebee]

My daughter is 11 and I read her texts every once in a while. She knew when she got the phone that I would be and she's fine with it. I'm glad I do because it's how I found out my ex was giving her number to teenage boys who were friends of his girlfriends son.

I also read her emails too.

 

[StitchBuddy]

We are getting new phones in 2 months. We are putting tracking apps on all of them. Does anyone know if there is a provider where you have access to read text messages?? Most of the time I don't really care who she texts or what they are talking about. But, she has been texting a guy she has liked off and on for a couple of years and I just don't get a good gut feeling about him.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Absolutely. They know I do and that is the rule if they want me to pay for phone service for them. None of them NEEDS a phone, it's a luxury, a toy. I want to know what my kids are putting in writing. There have been several instances where I've had to sit one of them down and explain why they shouldn't be putting into writing (text) what they did. Nothing horrible, but if someone forwarded it to other people, then it could be bad.

My kids are good kids but they are still learning and need help, as I feel all kids do. Even my 16 year old.

 

[jt'smom]

you're darn skippy i do! but not because i'm a hovercraft parent, and i don't unless there is a specific reason to. just this week my household was a mess of hot, teenage drama because of my son and his girlfriend being harassed by some "mean kids", and had my son not been the type to never clear old text messages, i would never have been able to go back and document actual physical threats made toward him! and i'm talking about the kind of serious threats that would involve the law

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Sometimes. Not often.

 

[mamacatnv]

Only when it goes off, DD is asleep or not at home and I am trying to figure out how to silence the dang thing.

The only thing I have learned is that DD was sharing our wi-fi code with the kid next door when the text read "whats the wi-fi access code again?" (we had it taped to the laptop, it didn't occur to them that sharing it could be an issue).

I reserve the right, if I thought there was an issue I would but just to be nosey, no.

 

[castmember19]

My parents never read my texts. My mom read a Facebook message once and that's because I left it open- she found out I had skipped a class that day and she caught me using a curse word. Oops. I still never really got into any trouble- nothing serious other than typical teen trouble that is.

My parents still pay for my phone bill. They still pay for my 30 year old sisters phone bill as well- still pitch in, but it's less expensive for us all that way as it's a family plan and her husband has a work phone. I can't imagine them saying "we pay for it, so let us read your texts." But obviously the difference is that we're adults.

Usually no but we have had a few occasions where we did. I'll tell you a funny story about how snooping can get you in to trouble!

My son was texting someone named Dylan suggestive/flirty comments. Dh and I stayed up talking for hours about how we should approach the situation. So we sat him down and told him it was okay that he was gay. Turns out...Dylan was a girl. I wish I had video taped his face.

We didn't snoop anymore after that, lol. We all still laugh it.

 

[15isto2]

Usually no but we have had a few occasions where we did. I'll tell you a funny story about how snooping can get you in to trouble!

My son was texting someone named Dylan suggestive/flirty comments. Dh and I stayed up talking for hours about how we should approach the situation. So we sat him down and told him it was okay that he was gay. Turns out...Dylan was a girl. I wish I had video taped his face.

We didn't snoop anymore after that, lol. We all still laugh it.

Classic

 

[luv2mickey]

My kids are 20, 19 and 17. while they were in HS I absolutely read their texts if I suspected something was going on. If your gut tells you need to read them, you better, there is alot going on these days with cell phones and the connection they have to people they don't know that well and being able to access the internet. I do not read their texts after they have graduated, like some have implied, but then if you do your job as a parent then you will have no need to worry when they are young adults.

 

[scrapquitler]

Question??? Do you read your teen's text messages?? What are your thoughts?? I am debating whether I should or shouldn't.

Just my opinion:
If I have a reason to be concerned about something that my teen is doing, I WILL in fact read her text messages. It is my job to monitor what she does and guide her on the right path in life. If I have some reason to believe that she is doing something that I do not approve of, then it is my duty to investigate. On a normal basis, if everything is going smoothly and I have no reason to suspect stupid, illegal or immoral stuff is going on, then NO I don't read her texts.

I DID read them once when we had an incident with the phone at school . They looked like this : Hey. Wassup? IKD. UR kewl. Huh?? LOL ROFL. I swear, it was the most inane conversation ever, they traded about 300 texts and never said anything.

 

[Bonniec]

Yeah, it's been two years and there are still times when he says, "Hey mom, remember when you thought I was gay?!" So now I just reply, "It's really okay if you are son." And he'll shake his head and walk off, lol.


We didn't snoop often but there were a few times. We've always had the view that we pay it, our house, our rules. I think when teens are younger, you really need to every so often. I'm very close to my kids but I don't want to be one of those parents who has no idea what their "babies" are up to.

Now that they are older at 17, we don't snoop anymore. They have really grown up a lot *sniff*. So we give them their full privacy now.

They looked like this : Hey. Wassup? IKD. UR kewl. Huh?? LOL ROFL. I swear, it was the most inane conversation ever, they traded about 300 texts and never said anything.

 

[eliza61]

Question??? Do you read your teen's text messages?? What are your thoughts?? I am debating whether I should or shouldn't.

As a general rule no. I have and do question them about the cell phone. for example one night at dinner my youngest cell phone keep alerting every 3 seconds, so I confiscated the phone and looked to see who was texting so much.

I very much agree with other posters that if I start seeing drastic changes in personality or some thing else I just feel is "off" then I'm searching.
My kids also grew up with the understanding that I am not their friend I am their mother and I will violate their privacy in a nanosecond if I am concerned enough.

Now that my youngest is 17 we pretty much have the same understanding, I have no problem violating your privacy if I think you are on drugs, hanging out with criminals, etc etc.

Of course, my dad was a nyc detective. He did a background check on my husband and dared me to get an attitude about it.