Do you read your kids' email?

[missypie]

DS13 recently set up his own email address. Yesterday DH took a peek at his emails and was stunned to find out that he and his friends were talking about...girls! I think I've finally convinced DH that there's nothing wrong with a boy showing an interest in girls in 8th grade, but the issue of reading a kid's emails remains a puzzle in my mind.

My natural inclination would be to let him have his privacy. But what would you feel like as a parent if your kid did something drastic like committed suicide, then read emails after the fact that talked about his desire to commit suicide?

Should home email be like work email, where they tell us "You should have no expectation of privacy"?

 

[piratesmate]

I have problems with the whole privacy issue. So far I've had no reason to "snoop" although I'll admit to reading papers lying around - mostly to see whose it is & if it's important.

My father was a mail carrier when I was younger & he made a HUGE deal out of privacy when it came to mail. Neither of my parents ever read our mail. So I was enormously shocked to learn that MIL was reading DH's mail when we first started dating.

That whole mind set has kind of stuck with me. I'm sure I'd look for things if other signs of trouble were there.... but when everything seems okay? No. I hope I don't have my "head in the sand."

BTW - This goes for both snailmail & email. To me they're pretty much the same.

 

[Bob Slydell]

He's 4 -- if he's getting e-mail he's in big trouble.

 

[Nancy]

I check to see where the e-mails are coming from. If it's not a screen name that I am familiar with...or if the name sounds a bit "provocative" I wil open and give a quick glance. When my youngest first got her own screen name (around 7) she was getting tons of spam and some of it was NOT what I wanted her to be seeing so I went in and deleted. As I got more computer savvy I put in the spam blocker. I also check their historys to see what sites they are going to...maybe because they know I do this it makes them careful..who knows. Do I do this everyday? Nope, just once in awhile.

 

[bballmom56]

Nope. DS15 has his own Hotmail account. I don't think HE even reads his own email . The big attraction is IM.

 

[monkeyboy]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
He's 4 -- if he's getting e-mail he's in big trouble.

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[Cruise04]

I don't read the emails but I check to see who they are from. Because we had dial-up, it was hard for her to get online. We set up an email account for her to use for occasional things - like doing research and if she needed to make requests for information. But she did give it out to some girls she met at camp. I just check to see who she is getting mail from. Also I delete any JUNK if there is any. But I never read her mail.

 

[BrerLizzie]

i'd be so mad if my mom went into my email! i dont even get any, but even if she tried and got into my spam! ohhhhhh.. i'd be so mad!

 

[goofy4tink]

Dd is 11, and has had some issues with IM and emails from some not very nice folks. So, she has been pretty good at staying in the areas that my parental controls can control. But I do double-check the senders name to see if it's a known entity. Don't actually read the email itself tho.

 

[mrsltg]

I plan to read them occasionally when Dierdre is old enough to have an e-mail account. I also will have her password so I can access her account at anytime and I will have every possible measure in place to make sure that I know where she is going, who she is chatting with, blah blah blah. You have to these days. It's sad, but true.

Erin

 

[NMAmy]

Not that dd actually looks at her email but no, I wouldn't read it. IM is the big attraction. Nor do I read her notes from school friends, nor her diary.

It's a big issue of trust. She's never given me a reason not to trust her and I don't want to give her a reason not to trust me.

 

[Twinkles6892]

My mom will come into my room sometimes when I'm on AIM and do a buddy list check, and then proceeds to ask me who everyone on my buddy list is and if I talk to them. Half the time I don't and I know them, but they're not my friends and I just skim their profiles. She then makes me delete them.
But if someone IM's me that I don't know, I check their profile, If i know them, I'll talk to them, if I don't I ask them how they got my SN, I talk to some of my cousins friends and my best friend's boyfriend, even though I've never met them face to face, but I don't give out any personal info.

All I ever get for E-mail is from Fly Lady

 

[binny]

"You should have no expectation of privacy"?

this is my motto LOL

JK mostly, but truly my kids are 9 and under they have no privacy when it comes to the internet. Now when my kids are dating and there are letters between the two I wouldnt think that I would intrude on that. At least I hope I have established enough trust that I wouldnt have to do that.


As for now though unless its from my mom or one of my brothers they dont GET email that I dont read... there are just too many whackos out there. AND after DS9 got an invitation from Playboy, I read ALL snail mail first too!

 

[2princesses1pea]

We actually keep our computer in the LR so anyone can walk by and make sure you're on a good site etc on the computer..as for e-mail we have our daughters set where she can only get e-mail from people on her "buddy" list and we closely monitor that.

 

[Patio]

NO!!!
I'll second what NMAmy says!!

 

[mt2]

A friend of mine and I were having this same conversation last week. Her DD (15) has the cel for after school activities. One night to phone was vibrating at 12 midnight on a school night. She had gotten a text message but didn't understand the entire message. The next morning she told her DD that she wanted to know what every message said and whom it was from. Her DD was not happy.

She said that they were private. My friends answer was that it was her cell and she was letting her "use" it for her (friends) convience. She also didn't appreciate being woken up at midnight to find out if something was going to blow up. (My friend is a bit of a drama queen. I think there was some weird show on that night that she watched) While she was under her roof she will know anything and everything when asked for the info. The messages were about volleyball.

My DD's are too young (I think) to use email.

If I want to see them, then I will. I'm the parent not a friend. It is my job to see that they are safe until the time they will "fly away". There have been a few times that we have all seen the possible bad situations that can happen to nice people.

I respect their privacy but there is a limit. I really don't feel that there will be a time that I will need too. I hope.

(I am typing this in a nice happy, smiling manner. I hope that it doesn't sound harsh, mean or nasty in anyway. It not meant to be. I'm just an over protective mom that would just "die" with grief if anything should happen to my DD's and I wasn't paying attention.)

I'm off to soccer practice. Good evening to all,

mt2

 

[tonyswife]

My "plan" for now is to have the family computer in a room where everyone walking by can see what is ebing written. I *think* this will keep em' honest. I won't actually read over their shoulder, but they will know that I *could* read over their shoulder at any moment. But my kids are both under 3 right now so it is not yet an issue.

My mom once read my diary because she thought I was on drugs, But the real truth was that I had gymnastics practice at a gymnastics school, high school gymnastics practice, school work, student council and debate team. I was just numb from exhaustion. She made me cut back on activities and made sure I got good sleep and ate better from that point on. Back then, I was SOOOOO mad, but now, as a parent, I understand why she did it, because she cared very much about me.