Do you push your kids?

[sharbear]

Do you push your kids to do better in school. Or sports. I wonder what people do. Some of my friends push their kids, make them do extra work for school and expect them to bring home A's. I tend to be very laid back about things and just expect my kids to their best but sometimes I think that maybe you should push your kids to do better.

My son has a friend that runs X-country just like my son. At the first meet as freshman they both ran a little slow. I congratulated my son and said that I'm sure that he'll keep improving. My son's friend's mom told him that she runs that slow and that he better run a lot better next time.

Do you think that kids become competive all on their own or do you think that their parents influence how competive their kids become? My kids are very uncompetive and I wish that they would be a little more competive. But I don't know how you do that.

I hope that this makes sense and I have been thinking about this for a long time.

Sharbear

 

[Kitty 34]

My oldest DS was a good basketball player, football player, track player.....he was pretty good at anything he did.

Well.........my youngest DS has been quite sickly for the past few years with migraines, much vomiting, and very little true athletic energy. I'm OK with his limited activities but the coaches of our small school are still thinking Tommy (my oldest DS) when trying to get the other one involved.

In fact as I write this.....he is at Cross Country practice right now. He didn't really want to do it but the coach "talked" him into it. The poor guy will be coming home totally dead tired in a few minutes!!

So, no, I don't push my kids but the coaches do.

 

[Tiggeroo]

will be sophomores this year. They in the past year have become very competitive with each other. But they have never been strongly competitive on their own. Also in the past year they have started doing different sports. One son plays football and does wrestling. The other, like yours runs cross-country, and track.
My cross-country son also surfs. He works hard at what he does but is not competitve with other kids. He had never run before his freshman year and was around the 10th runner on the team. This year he went to practice and found out he is the 5th place runner. This places him in the varsity team. He is starting to take it a bit more seriously now.He has a very laid back personality. He deliberately chooses sports like running, surfing, tennis, where it is his individual effort that matters, not so much his team thing.
His twin brother is more of a macho guy. While not super competitive, I have seen him come close to tears when he looses a wrestling match.
I always fought the urge to push my kids in things. There are times when I wish I had done otherwise. I think they could benefit from being a bit more competitive. I have always just told them to do their best and enjoy what they do. It is so hard being a mother.

An aside, their competitiveness with each other makes me nuts. During football/cross country season I always hear this sport is tougher/better/faster, etc. I tell them to stop fighting with each other. They then tell me that you need to be competitive to win. LOL

 

[Indyman]

All the pushing I do to my kids, either in academics or sports is based on the effort they are putting forward. For example, if they get a B in a class and they are working hard, and turning in all their homework, then I'm satisfied, but if they get a B and they are missing homework assignments or not studying for test, then they know full well I'll be cracking the whip.

In sports, all I ask is that they try to put their best effort, win or lose.

 

[2TxAgs]

My take on this is that competetiveness is a trait you are born with....You may develop it further (or more) as you age, but I have a 7 year old who has ALWAYS been competetive, while her twin has always been more laid back. My kid wants to win, be first, direct the games they play, etc. Everything is a competition to her - she's taller, she's at a (slightly) higher reading level, etc. When her brother is better than her at something, she pouts big time.

I believe she inherited this gene from MY DAD, who never let us kids win a game while we were young. He played his best, and we had to learn to play to that level or get used to losing!!

TxAg

 

[Serena]

I push according to the effort given by them too.

If I know they can do better, I will tell them. If they are doing their best, I'm fine.
If they didn't do well, and they complain about it, I will give them some suggestions on how to do better.

 

[jx3smom]

I have always pushed for them to try their best and not be afraid of challenge. The older boys played sport and got honors. I was talking to the 21 yo and he told me that he is glad we encouraged him like we did. His girlfriend parent did not encourage her to complete college or even get involved. He does not understand it. He feels she was cheated by her parents of the opportunity to pursue the career she would have liked.

 

[Boo'sMom]

Well, as the first born, married to a first born....I wouldn't say we push our kids....bahahahahaha...seriously, the only thing I push my kids to do is their best.

 

[imgoingtodisney]

In some things yes
We had him read 3 other books this summer besides his assigned reading book. - The Hobbit was wayyy above the BFG - and yes the teacher will be sent a note saying what DS read over the summer

DH & I have also made him play soccer since he was 4 (he's now 10). He's not an outdoor kid and we feel like he needs to get off the couch sometimes

 

[SDAngel101]

My parents have allways pushed us to work harder with Academics then Athletics. That maybe because both of my parents went far with schooling (My mom and dad graduated from Valparaiso, and my dad then went to MIT, and my mom to medical school). When i flunked my 2nd semester of Pre-Calculus this year, they were much more interested in me making up that F then what my cheerleading summer practice schedual looked like. And with their help it went from an F to an A

If they know i am struggling in my classes they will talk to my teacher and see if there are other ways for me to get a better grade. My dad is usually harder on us then my mom, i.e: he will make us do all of our homework before we go out with friends or before we go on computer.

They think that if i am trying my best and getting straight Bs in hard classes, that it is better then me getting A's in really easy classes. They want me to challenge myself, and im glad they are pushing me to try harder.

 

[Kallison]

Academically I tell them to do their best and I won't get mad. Oldest DS is math phobic, so if he brings home a C we are happy. Youngest DS has his Dad's actuarial brain - so if he brings home a C he hears about it! Oldest DS is good at music, so he gets bugged more to practice.

Sports - it depends. Oldest DS does not play at all, so he gets no pressure there. In that respect we do not push. Younger two are fairly good athletes. I praise them but if they do something stupid in baseball or soccer I let them know. I'm not one of those gushing "Oh everything you do is just wonderful" Moms. I do get some looks at Little League when I say stuff to DS - Like see that little white ball - you are supposed to CATCH IT! Actually we do it in kind of a fun kidding way, my parents yell encouragement to all the grandkids. My Mom was a big athlete - wall of famer - she is great for yelling out sports tips during games. The kids always laugh and shake their heads. Youngest DD is a runner, so we do yell at her to "Kick it up a notch" when coming in the home stretch. I always say just do your best. If they don't do well, we certainly don't harp on it. Let's put it this way - We are not going to have the next Tiger Woods at our house.

 

[Buckalew]

I push for DD to do her best--academics and sports. Her dad is very competitive and I'm not -- so we'll see what she is like as time goes by.
I think it is important to remember that you (or me or anyone) are not good at everything--we all have things we excell at--so we cannot expect our kids to excell at everything.
Sometimes I think we get what we expect. If we expect little, we get little...

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I agree with the posters that have said high expectations for effort are the key to success.

All kids have goals and dreams, but most have no clue what it takes to make them reality. That's where the PARENTS come in. Yes we push our kids. But mostly we are showing them the way to achieve their goals.... to become the best they are capable of becoming, academically, athletically and as a person in general.

 

[supercarrie]

My parents have always raised me to do my best at everything I do. In academics, they expect me to come home with good grades (note that for me, it means all As, possibly a B+ in math,) but have always said that as long as I do my best they will be happy and proud. If I were to come home with a bad grade, but I was doing my best in the class, instead of yelling, we have always sat down and talked about what we can do to help me improve the grade to where I want it to be. Note the I - I am more hard on myself then they are when it comes to my grades.

Regarding athletics, it has always been the same way - do your best and we will be proud. They know I am not the best athlete out there, and understand that. I am not the most competitive person out there, especially when it comes to athletics, but I am competitive when I want something. I don't think they could have made me have that attitude, when all they want from me is my best effort.

 

[beachbunny]

a JD, a PhD and an MD. They never pushed us -- no punishment for bad grades or not making the varsity squad. But let's just say they had high expectations -- and we knew that.

Also, no t.v. or surfing the internet on school nights. Now that's the secret to success.

 

[nativetxn]

I tried to push my son academically. His attitude was "I passed didn't I?" when I wanted him to make A's like his father and I both did in school.

He is a natural athlete, never had to push him in this arena. Swimming, hockey, football. He was always on the A team and always did well

I really did want him to make A's though

 

[danacara]

I did my homework in front of the TV every day of my life, no harm done. I was set three restrictions: (1) you must play varsity sports (no quitting), and (2) you must go out every Saturday night with your friends (no sitting at home doing homework), and (3) you must graduate from college in four years, and it's not "if" you're going, it's "when" and "where." That was it. I think those rules worked.