Do you participate in childish nonsense or.......

[npmommie]

do you just ignore it and not play into it?

story.........
My sil is so obviously upset with me over something. what that is I have no idea. really.
she does not return my calls, so I haven't had a chance to ask her. she is not on email so no opportunity there.
the last time I spoke to her was beginning of July. nothing out of the ordinary happened, I haven't seen her either.

I did see her yesterday as she was walking her dog ( with my bil and another neighbor).......and she gave a semi wave, but she usually stops me to chat when we see each other in the neighborhood. It was obvious by the way she kept walking fast she did not want me to stop.
so I didn't. Couldn't have asked her the problem in that situation anyway.

but I guess my question is, should I even ask her what her problem is?

I am the type of person that tells you if you have wronged me. I don't participate in nonsense, if there is a problem I will tell you, I won't just stop talking to you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Has she done this type of behavior before, like with other people that you know of?

If so, then I would totally blow it off and chalk it up to someone that has "issues".

 

[npmommie]

Has she done this type of behavior before, like with other people that you know of?

If so, then I would totally blow it off and chalk it up to someone that has "issues".

I have known her for 23 yrs , she has done it to me before.
in the past I have asked her the problem, sometimes I just ignore her and it blows over.

in the past it has always been a simple misunderstanding.
but in this instance I just can't figure it out.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well..my sister and I ebb and flow through good and bad.

While I won't necessarily ask what is wrong...I will or she will do somethig where we have no choice but to deal with it. We miss each other too much to let it fester forever. We had an airing of grievances in December that allowed our most recent disagreements commence with healing.

But what yOu do depends on how much you desire to continue a true relationship with her. Because once you start asking, you may not like what you hear and you will need to have a plan on how you will deal with it.

My sister's comment to me was that when she was little, she wanted to be just like me and that she no longer did because of how I had become. That hurt so much---but I was able to tell her about my PTSD and how I has been in therapy because I didn't even want to be me. In the end, I saw what she saw, but I hadn't clued her in to that...and she was able to get
me for the first time in a long time.

We are still healing our relationship and don't see eye to eye on many things, but we are both learning to respect each other and realize it is okay.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have known her for 23 yrs , she has done it to me before.
in the past I have asked her the problem, sometimes I just ignore her and it blows over.

in the past it has always been a simple misunderstanding.
but in this instance I just can't figure it out.

I will add that my sister had many things she did...when I realizes I could cal her on it, she finally matured to not play those games since I figured her our and wouldn't play anymore. She will still try--it may be just innocent inquiry--bit I will dodge the question.

I do love my sister though. She lived with her dad growing up and every visit I would be in total devstation and mourning that she hAd to leave. I hated that feeling. She did too. That is what we go to when we need a kick in the pants on fixing things. We both get that feeling everytime we have a falling out.

 

[KarenB]

I had a friend that did that to me over 10 years ago. I did everything I could to try and figure out what in the world I did...I called, wrote letters, etc.....never found out what the problem was. She will finally wave and say hi if we cross paths, but it will never be what it once was. I was extremely hurt. Now I just get kind of angry over the time and energy I wasted over this "childhood nonsense." Ugh-hate it....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have known her for 23 yrs , she has done it to me before.
in the past I have asked her the problem, sometimes I just ignore her and it blows over.

in the past it has always been a simple misunderstanding.
but in this instance I just can't figure it out.

So she has issues. I would not spend another fraction of energy doing anything about it.

It is a either a manipulation techique or a personality thing. Either way, it is not something I would expect to change and would make no effort to do so since as you said, you have had this happen before.

 

[krcit]

I had a friend who used to do that. She would just stop talking to me for no reason. The first couple of times she pulled it, I asked her if I had done something wrong and she would say no and all would be back to normal. The third time she pulled it I was done. I refused to ask her what was wrong and we didn't speak for years I'm a grown woman and I refuse to play her games. Now, with that being said, she is your SIL so it's a bit different. I guess I would ask her if I had offended her in some way and see where it goes. I have no tolerance for these "drama mamas" life is too short to spend it playing stupid games. If someone with whom I value my realtionship offends me I either tell them so we can get past it or I choose to just let it go and forget about it.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

You say she was with a neighbor...could they be having a personal conversation?

Maybe your BIL and SIL are having a problem that they don't want to include other family with.

 

[Jennasis]

Ask your brother, maybe?

 

[npmommie]

You say she was with a neighbor...could they be having a personal conversation?

Maybe your BIL and SIL are having a problem that they don't want to include other family with.

she was walking with my bil and the neighbor, who also walks her dog the same time my sil and bil do.
I have encountered them all in the past frequently when they are walking and she always waves me down and I stop to chat for a minute, but this was very different. like obviously she had no interest in talking to me at all.

another piece to that is after I saw her, I was headed out again, to take dd to gym and when I came back up the road they were talking with a different neighbor in their driveway, and I saw her look up and see my car approach and she turned her back and never looked up again.

it is so childish to me. if I did something tell me, because if I did it was unintentional and I would like the chance to know what caused this.
but my dh thinks she has issues, and he just says ignore her and when you see her at family functions just be civil.
its just so odd, we used to talk every other day before this.

 

[npmommie]

Ask your brother, maybe?

she is married to my hubby's brother. they talk all the time and nothing has ever been mentioned.
even if my husband did ask him, he would claim ignorance I am sure.

 

[MerMom60_94]

do you just ignore it and not play into it?

story.........
My sil is so obviously upset with me over something. what that is I have no idea. really.
she does not return my calls, so I haven't had a chance to ask her. she is not on email so no opportunity there.
the last time I spoke to her was beginning of July. nothing out of the ordinary happened, I haven't seen her either.

I did see her yesterday as she was walking her dog ( with my bil and another neighbor).......and she gave a semi wave, but she usually stops me to chat when we see each other in the neighborhood. It was obvious by the way she kept walking fast she did not want me to stop.
so I didn't. Couldn't have asked her the problem in that situation anyway.

but I guess my question is, should I even ask her what her problem is?

I am the type of person that tells you if you have wronged me. I don't participate in nonsense, if there is a problem I will tell you, I won't just stop talking to you.

Rather than something you did do, could this be about something you did NOT do? Did you miss any events like her birthday or anything? In answer to your question, I generally don't let people engage me with this type of behavior. Since this is family, though, it may be to your benefit to make some effort to find out what is up. Even then, though, I would ask once and only once. Either she takes the adult approach of telling you what is on her mind or it is time to move on. I generally keep some level of distance from people who play these games.

 

[MerMom60_94]

she was walking with my bil and the neighbor, who also walks her dog the same time my sil and bil do.
I have encountered them all in the past frequently when they are walking and she always waves me down and I stop to chat for a minute, but this was very different. like obviously she had no interest in talking to me at all.

another piece to that is after I saw her, I was headed out again, to take dd to gym and when I came back up the road they were talking with a different neighbor in their driveway, and I saw her look up and see my car approach and she turned her back and never looked up again.

it is so childish to me. if I did something tell me, because if I did it was unintentional and I would like the chance to know what caused this.
but my dh thinks she has issues, and he just says ignore her and when you see her at family functions just be civil.
its just so odd, we used to talk every other day before this.

I agree with your husband. Make enough of an effort that you can be in the same room but I would not maintain a close relationship with somebody like this.

 

[Jennasis]

she is married to my hubby's brother. they talk all the time and nothing has ever been mentioned.
even if my husband did ask him, he would claim ignorance I am sure.

Of course he would..he's a guy! Have your DH ask his brother to ask the wife, or you ask BIL to ask his wife what gives if she won't answer your calls.

 

[Mimi1965]

Gosh_this sounds like my co-worker-So i feel for you.

She is menopausal and runs hot and cold. Friday she was friendly in the early AM-by lunch she was giving me 'not nice looks" and slamming things

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd ignore it.
I'm getting old and crotchety and have very little tolerance for childishness.

 

[cm8]

do you just ignore it and not play into it?

story.........
My sil is so obviously upset with me over something. what that is I have no idea. really.
she does not return my calls, so I haven't had a chance to ask her. she is not on email so no opportunity there.
the last time I spoke to her was beginning of July. nothing out of the ordinary happened, I haven't seen her either.

I did see her yesterday as she was walking her dog ( with my bil and another neighbor).......and she gave a semi wave, but she usually stops me to chat when we see each other in the neighborhood. It was obvious by the way she kept walking fast she did not want me to stop.
so I didn't. Couldn't have asked her the problem in that situation anyway.

but I guess my question is, should I even ask her what her problem is?

I am the type of person that tells you if you have wronged me. I don't participate in nonsense, if there is a problem I will tell you, I won't just stop talking to you.

I would just let her be. She will get over what ever is bothering her.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My guess would be that it was somehow child related.

But to answer your question, I don't like playing guessing games. To me, it's childish.

 

[npmommie]

My guess would be that it was somehow child related.

But to answer your question, I don't like playing guessing games. To me, it's childish.

They don't have children.
so it can't be that.
they always give my kids bday and christmas gifts, I always have the kids call and thank them. so it can't be something like that.

Its funny because I have things I could be annoyed with her on but I let them go.
for instance, when the kids had their gymnastics show a few months ago, they said they wanted to come, asked me all the details.
then didn't show up, and didn't even call to say anything about it.
never mentioned it.

which is fine if you can't come but don't say you will be there and then not show up without a word about it.