Do you let family stay at your house when you're not there?

[Boopuff]

My DD is getting married soon. Some of my DH's family has asked to stay with us for a few days leading up to the wedding. (The wedding is about an hour from our house so we'll be renting a VRBO for our immediate family) So his family wants to stay, at the house after we leave for wedding preparations. I'm not too comfortable with this. Am I being weird? But honestly, I'm a bit put out that they're all coming, right before the wedding (as if I don't have a TON of stuff going on - oh and they're the type that won't offer to help cook/clean or take us out for putting them up) My brother and his family are getting a hotel. Ug. I hate this.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

“Sorry, can’t. We’re too busy to have houseguests at the moment, as I’m sure you understand. Besides, our guest room isn’t even available, currently, being that it’s filled with wedding supplies and all.”

Or, my preference:

“No. How rude do you have to be to invite yourself to stay in someone else’s home, during wedding preparations no less?!”

 

[Mrs.AMC]

I have personally stayed at my brother's when he wasn't here. We recently stayed at my DH's best friend, they might as well be brothers, house without him there. At both of their insistences though, not at our request. DH's besties begged and begged us to stay at his place vs getting a hotel room and we finally gave in, so a different situation.
Since you are not comfortable with it I would say Sorry, but no.
You have a very easy reason to use, you are simply too busy, the house too full/cluttered/etc, with wedding prep to have anyone around at this time.
Offer to give them some choices of local places to stay that are good options. I would stand firm.
Hopefully DH is on your side?

 

[stitch'sgirl]

Agree with PP. Let's face it -- having houseguests is stressful. This is a special occasion for your daughter and family. You don't want to worry about having everything just so for guests. And if you are like me, after the wedding you'll want to come home, kick your heels off, wiggle out of the Spanx, and stretch out on your own couch.

 

[wvjules]

My DD is getting married soon. Some of my DH's family has asked to stay with us for a few days leading up to the wedding. (The wedding is about an hour from our house so we'll be renting a VRBO for our immediate family) So his family wants to stay, at the house after we leave for wedding preparations. I'm not too comfortable with this. Am I being weird? But honestly, I'm a bit put out that they're all coming, right before the wedding (as if I don't have a TON of stuff going on - oh and they're the type that won't offer to help cook/clean or take us out for putting them up) My brother and his family are getting a hotel. Ug. I hate this.

“Sorry, can’t. We’re too busy to have houseguests at the moment, as I’m sure you understand. Besides, our guest room isn’t even available, currently, being that it’s filled with wedding supplies and all.”

Or, my preference:

“No. How rude do you have to be to invite yourself to stay in someone else’s home, during wedding preparations no less?!”

They asked so not sure where you got that they invited themselves?

Yes, I would let someone stay at my house if I weren't home. But that's me. If you don't want them to stay then don't.

 

[easyas123]

“Sorry, can’t. We’re too busy to have houseguests at the moment, as I’m sure you understand. Besides, our guest room isn’t even available, currently, being that it’s filled with wedding supplies and all.”

Or, my preference:

“No. How rude do you have to be to invite yourself to stay in someone else’s home, during wedding preparations no less?!”

If you are uncomfortable, which reading your post it does seem that way, then I think either of the above fits the bill!

 

[SirDuff]

Yes, family have used my place when I wasn't there.

And, yes, I have used my family's place when they weren't there (did it again just a few weeks ago, actually).

I've both offered/been offered and asked/been asked.

 

[Disneylover99]

I wish we could get family to stay at our house when we travel for a few weeks.. I don’t like to leave the house unattended.

So far, no takers.

 

[Mrs.AMC]

They asked so not sure where you got that they invited themselves?

Yes, I would let someone stay at my house if I weren't home. But that's me. If you don't want them to stay then don't.

?
When someone asks to stay with you that is inviting yourself.

My DD is getting married soon. Some of my DH's family has asked to stay with us for a few days leading up to the wedding. (The wedding is about an hour from our house so we'll be renting a VRBO for our immediate family) So his family wants to stay, at the house after we leave for wedding preparations. I'm not too comfortable with this. Am I being weird? But honestly, I'm a bit put out that they're all coming, right before the wedding (as if I don't have a TON of stuff going on - oh and they're the type that won't offer to help cook/clean or take us out for putting them up) My brother and his family are getting a hotel. Ug. I hate this.

 

[lovesmurfs]

My DD is getting married soon. Some of my DH's family has asked to stay with us for a few days leading up to the wedding. (The wedding is about an hour from our house so we'll be renting a VRBO for our immediate family) So his family wants to stay, at the house after we leave for wedding preparations. I'm not too comfortable with this. Am I being weird? But honestly, I'm a bit put out that they're all coming, right before the wedding (as if I don't have a TON of stuff going on - oh and they're the type that won't offer to help cook/clean or take us out for putting them up) My brother and his family are getting a hotel. Ug. I hate this.

No. Just no. Totally rude. I can't believe they would even ask, particularly in the days leading up to the wedding.

 

[AustinTink]

I would not be comfortable staying in a family member's home without them there. I have also said no to family wanting use of our home while we were away. Of course, this means extended family, not my in-laws or my kid.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I think it's two separate questions. Under normal conditions I would have no problem with friends or family staying at my place if it made things more convenient for them whether I was there or not. BUT I would never ask the immediate family of the bride or groom the week of a wedding to stay with them. You have enough on your plate and don't need to be entertaining guests or worrying about what you are coming back to after the wedding so I would politely decline.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

They asked so not sure where you got that they invited themselves?

Yes, I would let someone stay at my house if I weren't home. But that's me. If you don't want them to stay then don't.

Yep, they asked if they could come stay in the OP’s house which, IMO, means they are pretty much inviting themselves to use the OP’s house. I suppose the case could be made that truly inviting themselves means they tell the OP they’re coming instead of asking if they can come, but the result is the same — They’ve put her in the uncomfortable position of having to outright tell them no if she doesn’t want them showing up on her doorstep.

The tactful way of handling it, if they were hoping to stay with the OP, would be to say they were going to be in town such-and-such dates and were looking to stay at X hotel and see if the OP offers an invitation to stay in her home. If she doesn’t, book the hotel. That way no one is put on the spot, imposed upon, or made to feel uncomfortable.

 

[Moliphino]

It would depend on how close I am to the particular family members and how much I trust them to respect my belongings.

 

[disykat]

Now that my mom lives near me, family comes to see her and I'm a free place to stay. I'm hoping I'll have pet sitters for some trips.

I agree that the work and stress involved in a wedding changes things. Anyone staying in my home would have to understand they are now part of the work crew.

In other words, at my house you're not a guest, you're another set of hands to put to work. Anyone that is looking for a hotel can find one!

 

[tarheelmjfan]

My sisters & their families are welcome to stay at our home anytime. We're away from home a lot. DS has a key they can use.

 

[Meriweather]

Depends on who.
My kids, yes.
That's all the family I have.
DH has brother......not comfortable with that family staying, but they probably wouldn't even ask

 

[lanejudy]

Not in that situation. I'd say "sorry, we're are so busy with wedding preparations right now. We'd love to be able to host all of our extended family members but we just don't have space, therefore we ask that everyone make other arrangements. I'd be glad to share the contact for some local accommodations if that would help."

Sometimes you can get a "block" on a few rooms at a local hotel with a reduced rate, if you think enough guests would be interested.

 

[Boopuff]

OP here: talked to my DH. He’s agreed to “kicking them out” Two days before the wedding, so I’m talking that as an ok compromise. At least I’ll get some peace before the crazy! Thanks for all your suggestions!

 

[Mrs.AMC]

OP here: talked to my DH. He’s agreed to “kicking them out” Two days before the wedding, so I’m talking that as an ok compromise. At least I’ll get some peace before the crazy! Thanks for all your suggestions!

It's so helpful to be on the same page.
Best of luck to a lovely celebration for your daughter