Do you know someone who is ALWAYS unhappy?

[Beauty]

I have a friend who NEVER smiles. I mean everytime she comes over she complains about her kids or her job or ANYTHING. I mean I have known her since we were teenagers and I remember the type of happy person she could be but I swear in the last year or so I have not heard ONE happy comment come out of her mouth.

When I ask her if everything is okay at home she says yes......is everything okay at work yes..........are you happy...........yes.........but in the next breath shes complaining and gripeing (although the best word can't be used here).

She went out to eat with my DH and I and she complained about every single thing that was brought out. The salad, the main course........you name it. It was almost to the point of being very very embarassing.

So what do you do? Do I just keep listening or should I ask her if she realizes how unhappy she seems. I love her like a sister and her two children call me Aunt Beth. I don't know how she would react though.........??????????

 

[septbride2002]

My SIL is like that although not to extreme of never smiling. But everything is a such a trial to her - and nothing is ever just okay - there is always something wrong. I agree it becomes embarrassing. One thing I have noticed is that I behave that way around her and I am working that way to correct it because I do not want to be like that.

I have no advice to give - just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

~Amanda

 

[browneyes]

Maybe you're the only person that will listen to her and that's why she unloads on you?

If it was a close friend, I'd ask point blank if they were as unhappy as they seem.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Yes. A dear friend of mine is like this. She is very unhappy almost all of the time and she complains about everything. I have been blunt with her and told her she needs to either change the situation she chose to get into (marriage to an alcholic whom she knew was one when they got engaged) or learn to accept it and stop complaining.

She was mad for a few days then she got over it and tends to not whine to me as much anymore.

I felt bad at the time, but I want her to realize that the things she tries to rationalize about his (her DH) behavior are NOT normal and that her friends are not going to sit there and listen to her talk about it and nod in agreement that "all men are idiots" (which is something she knows is not true but tries to saya lot to help her rationalize his acts).

Sometimes, I think the best thing you can do is be honest with people. If I played along with my friend she'd eventually start to truly belive all relationships are like hers I think. She really wants to think that her friends marriages and relationships are like hers. It's sad. And scary. I want her to know that people in healthy relationships do not act like her and her husband (ie. throwing things at each other at 2 am) and I'd prefer she be pissy at me for a while and seriously consider the honest, blunt things I've said; than wind up really hurt or worse because no one ever helped her see...

Does any of that make sense?

 

[WDWHound]

Yup, I know a person like that. In fact, one of my tags was taken by the tag fairy from a story I once told about this person. She complained about the location of the food on her plate when she was served at a restaurant. To her way of thinking, certain foods must always be located next to each other (corn and mashed potatoes in this case) to facilitate mixing them togther. Putting something else between the foods was "unaceptable".

To be honest, I used to gripe about things way too much myself. Then one day I realized that you can be happy most of the time by just deciding not to the little stuff upset you. To a large degree, we create our own reality and I chose to make mine happier and more worry free. It works. You cant get rid of every problem or worry, but you can decide to just ignore most of the small stuff, which is 99% of what most poeple worry about. I just wish I could get my friend to see this.

 

[Keli]

My SIL used to be a lot like that. I really, really got tired of it myself but I also got to thinking about how many people must be avoiding her because of the constant complaining about EVERYTHING. That really made me feel badly for her so one day when we were talking I told her about a 'friend' I had that complained all the time, about everything and how miserable it made me feel to be around her for long periods of time. I wasn't terribly clever about the whole thing and I was really afraid she'd realize I was talking specifically about her but she didn't seem upset. And the best part is that it worked!!! After that I could tell she was making a concerted effort to be more positive in her conversation and she never did go back to the constant complaining.

 

[Serena]

yeah, sure do. She was a sil and lived very close. She was at my house daily, and it was hard to take. I tried to take care of her and cheer her up, but instead of lifting me up, it brought me down. Luckily she moved and I've managed to avoid her in the last 4 years or so.

She divorced my bil, lived a very wild life for a while and now has settled down and married again.

 

[Disney Doll]

Rather than asking her if everything's OK, I'd point blank say to her "Look, over the last "X" amount of time, oyu have been complaining about everything...your husband, your kids, your job. You are very unhappy, and since I care about you, I am really afraid something is wrong. You need to figure out what it is that is making you so unhappy, and if it means going to a counselor, then do so. This behavior,m this pervasive misery with everything, isn't normal."

She'll be pissed at you, she may not speak to oyu for a while, but it'll definitely give her a jolt, and may start her thinking and acting to fix things.

 

[enchantedpixiedust]

I have a friend who is like this - I don't mind listening to him, but he never DOES anything to change things. Occasionally I just get to the point where I want to scream to shut up and do something about it or don't tell me anymore. Bad, I know.

My Mother has also gotten like this the past few years. She's either in a constantly grumpy mood or ALL she wants to talk about is negative stuff/bad news. I find myself avoiding her to not get sucked up in it.

I notice if I'm around the above mentioned friend much I start seeing the attitude in myself too and I hate that.

 

[Beauty]

I agree about being afraid of getting sucked up into it. Isnt' that awful!

I consider myself a really happy person, I don't worry about much. The only time I complain is when I'm having a panic attack.....hate those things.

But I refuse to sweat the small stuff, I'm just NOT going to do it.

I think I'm going to confront her about it. Just tell her how much I remember the way she USED to be and I want her to be like that again. That if there is a problem in her marriage or at work (BESIDES the co-worker who smacks her gum.....that I don't consider a real problem....LOL) that I am here for her!!

I love her like a sister and really hate this.

 

[Chrissi Pooh]

Beth I would think about this really hard and decide if it's tearing the friendship apart or is it your friend just being herself. Some people enjoy being miserable, just like some enjoy living with alot of drama. I guess what I am saying is is that you need to decide if you can live with her crummy attitude about everything or not and then be truthful with her, if she doesn't like it then it wasn't a healthy relationship to begin with!

Good Luck Beth!!!

 

[snoopy]

Not really. I cannot stand people who constantly compain. I've had friends over the years like this, and I usually manage to dump them, because I just can't take it.

My MIL was also pretty much always unhappy. Obviously, I couldn't very well dump her. So over the years I listened to her put other people down, talk endlessly about the people who had mistreated her -- from the storeclerk to her daughter-in-laws to her first grade teacher. It was NEVER her problem, always someone else's problem. She wouldn't hear of admitting she was wrong, or could be wrong, so I learned to just grin and bear it out of respect for my husband. She died last year at 72, I knew her almost all my life and I don't think I ever once saw her smile.

 

[Beauty]

I would never dump her, ever.......we have been friends since we were 12 years old.

I'm her friend/sister for life, for good and bad and ups and downs. Drama or no drama.

I don't think she realizes how unhappy she seems. I think I'm going to call her and invite her out to lunch one day this week and just have a heart to heart. Her kids started back to school and so did J.C. so we should be able to have some alone time.

I think there may be a problem underneath everything..........or maybe she needs anti-depressents or to see her Dr.

 

[RitaZ.]

Not really, I avoid unhappy people as much as possible.

DH is a very happy person, but for some reason seems to attract some unhappy friends. He is a laid back kind of guy and has had several people ask him over the years why he is always so happy. He has one friend that is particularly sour and as much as he tries to drag DH down with his foulness, DH doesn't allow it.

We all have problems at one time or another, but why choose to be unhappy all the time?

 

[RadioNate]

My mom is this way - it can be very draining and it completely strains our relationship. I know my mom doesn't even realize that's she's like that. I do agree with you that I think there is something deeper. From the sound of things I fear that your friend is likely depressed. Maybe a heart-to-heart and helping hand is just what she needs.

My mom is so miserable that she needs others to feel as bad or worse as she does in order to make herself feel better. I try not to let the constant negitivity bring me down and I excuse some things because I know how depressed she is wether she realizes it or not. I use my husband for a lot of support when my mom's behavior gets me down.

You sound like a good friend. Hopefully your friend will be willing to change her situation.

 

[marymrg]

You mean someone who can just suck the happiness out of a room when he/she enters? Nope, don't know anyone like that

 

[kasar]

I sure do (or did, I guess). She was a mom in our playgroup when the kids were babies and she was never happy or satisfied with her life. Her husband either worked too much or didn't make enough money, her children HAD to have ADHD (they didn't), her house wasn't nice enough (moved her children to several different schools to satisfy her "house needs") and basically had a frown on her face at all times.

After a few years of being friends with her, I finally decided to cut the cord because I felt I was falling into the same trap. We griped so much about our husbands and kids that it was beginning to affect my own home life. I wrote her a nice note saying I was taking a break from our group to spend more time with my family (made it "I" statements not "You"). She finally moved away to the "best" school district in the state. I hope she finally found some happiness.

 

[HollyJoy]

No, but I used to know someone who made me feel bad all the time. Just one of those people who brought me down, ya know? Brought out the worst in me.

 

[Shelle&Dave]

I confess, I used to be like that. I was never happy about anything. I constantly complained about everything. I was in a bad relationship, a bad job and I felt sick all of the time. I was constantly tired.

One day I woke up and realized I was just sick of myself. And everyone I knew was sick of listening to me! I decided I didn't want to be that way anymore. You just have to make a conscious effort to change. It's hard, but it can be done.

I may not be an optimist now (I'll always be a pessimist ) but I don't whine my life away anymore. I blow off steam and talk my problems over with friends/family like anyone else, but I don't do it constantly. And I feel better now. I'm not always tired like before.

When I look back at the time that I spent whining my life away I get a little sad. What a waste. You can't accomplish anything with an attitude like that.

 

[Esmerelda]

Medical tip: it takes MORE energy to be angry/upset than it does to be happy. Your body uses totally different muscles! true fact!

to answer your question....yes....my ex-husband...he's the ONLY person I know that could go to Disney and have a bad time and be unhappy. I think basically he just wanted everyone around him to be as miserable as he was. He had nothing to be unhappy about persay...a great job....very nice house (thanks to moi...)...two wonderful boys...not such a bad life at all. Yet, he still complained about everything...and had no patience for anything. He had road rage (its a wonder we didnt' die trying to travel south....god was watching me and the boys I guess).
He always told me I was fat (I weigh about 112, size 6)...my job was stupid (because I didn't earn the 75K he did)...etc. I now know that he did these things to make me feel insecure about myself because he was so UNhappy with himself but it didn't work.

Its been nearly 5 years since we split and he divorced again a 2nd time and lived with 2 other gals and is still unhappy. I think he needs psychological help. On the other hand, I'm happier than I've ever been. You can only take so much negativity and it drives you insane. (and how in the hell can you be unhappy at Disney world....duuuuuhhhhh??) lol...

smiles all the time,
Esmerelda