Do you have a good relationship with your son's girlfriend?

[Sheree Bobbins]

I mean, does she talk to you? I finally asked my son if she likes me since she won't address me at all. He said, "She's shy."

"That may be so," I said, "But I've known her 3 years!"

For the record, they are both quiet.
Now they've moved in together (I'm sad to see him go) but I wonder where she and I will go in relating to each other.

 

[EdiePA]

How about a girls day out?? When my son is busy or out-of-town, I'll ask his girlfriend to do something with me. The latest was seeing "Julie and Julia" and then we had dinner. It really helped our relationship and now we plan to "ditch" him more often.

Edie

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Wow. What a great idea! Thanks.

 

[suejai]

Yes I got along well with one of DSS18's girlfriend - we would gang up against DSS to bug him. We even exchanged Christmas gifts and she came to our Christmas Eve celebration. I also get along quite well with DSS21's fiancee.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

My son will be 22 in December & his girlfriend just turned 20. We get along well. She's really sweet.

 

[Pakey]

I have two daughters in law and my youngest son has been engaged for a year. I have very good relationships with oldest son's wife and youngest son's fiancee. Middle son's wife is very moody so we allow her to set the boundaries on our relationship with her. She often stays home when middle son visits.

 

[maelstrom]

I'll speak on behalf of the girlfriend. I'm painfully shy with a significant other's family, even after dating long-term.

 

[4nana]

I agree with a get aquainted luncheon/shopping, etc. ! Some people are simply shy or not used to certain family dynamics. I must admit I was a little hesitant at first when DS told me he was dating a young widow with 2 little boys. However, upon meeting her at our family C'mas party, I liked her from the first moment on . They've been married almost 6yrs and now have a total of 4 kiddies. As DS is deployed, we help her out as much as possible, matter of fact she and our sweet grands came up from NC and spent 4 days with us for TG and will be back for C'mas. So yes, thankfully we have a good relationship and enjoy doing things together.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

Another girlfriend's perspective -

I am very close with my boyfriend's parents, especially his mother. She and I text every day. They are involved in my daily life and have become a second set of parents to me. I love them and spend as much time with them as possible. This didn't happen overnight, and it takes time and effort from both parties. We liked each other immediately, but grew to love and understand each other. I feel very blessed by their presence in my life.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I hate to say it but why on earth does your son not address this with her? I get being shy but not addressing you at all is just plain rude and poor manners. I don't care how shy you are you should still say hello, goodbye etc. Why does your son think it is okay for her to be rude like this?

 

[AKL_Megs]

I'll speak on behalf of the girlfriend. I'm painfully shy with a significant other's family, even after dating long-term.

I second that.

I've known my MIL for 10 years, and I still can't totally open up to her. I don't hate her, but I just can't get close. Shortly after DH and I married, we got a little closer, but drifted again. I sort of wish we would DO more things, because we have a fun time, but SHE doesn't make much effort, either.

Good luck! Speaking firsthand, the girl probably IS shy!

 

[AKL_Megs]

This post inspired me to call my MIL... just did!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I, too, am the girlfriend, and I adore DBF's parents. We're not to the point where we'd call each other "just because," however. And while I'm VERY shy, I have no problem talking to them when we are together. We always leave each other with a hug and cheek-kiss, too - and apparently "Dad never hugs anyone! He must really like you!"

I would certainly accept an invitation for a girls' day out with his mom. In my case, I'm sure his sister and SIL would be invited as well, but I think it would be fun!

 

[pilotwife_02]

I agree with a girl's day out.

Or try to make the extra effort with her. I know it may sound weird, but perhaps she's intimidated by you and now that they are moving in together she may feel you approve of her less. My MIL never had a good relationship with any of her sons' (she has 3 sons) girlfriends/wives.

I have know my MIL for over 10 years and I still find it hard to talk with her. Of course so does DH so that doesn't help I wish I had a better relationship with her, but I think after 10 years it will be hard to start now (plus they live 500 miles away). I think NOW is the time to start building it if you want it! If they are living together, they obviously are serious and she could be your DIL one day!!

I have two sons and they are just little ones but I have vowed to do all I can to make their girlfriends and future spouses know I want to be friends and not the "evil MIL".

 

[minkydog]

I second that.

I've known my MIL for 10 years, and I still can't totally open up to her. I don't hate her, but I just can't get close. Shortly after DH and I married, we got a little closer, but drifted again. I sort of wish we would DO more things, because we have a fun time, but SHE doesn't make much effort, either.

Good luck! Speaking firsthand, the girl probably IS shy!

I'm right there with you, only I've known my MIL for 30 years! And we still can't get beyond small talk. She and I have NOTHING in common. She is much older than me, 89 to my 53. She has never had any hobbies, never worked, never joined a club or went to church, has no outside interests in anything other than cats and kittens. She has very little interest in the grandchildren and never has. She is completely in her right mind, but she has been an alcoholic most of her life. It is very very hard for us to have anything more than a very superficial conversation. We can talk about pizza or birthday cake, but you can forget talking with her about anything deep. And it's not just me. She's the same way with DH and his sister. A cold, distant woman.

 

[Rora]

I'm on the other end of your situation, OP. I try really really hard with my MIL-to-be (I've known her for over 10 years) and she refuses to have anything to do with me.

Like others have suggested, maybe ask if she wants to go get her nails/toes done with you, go to lunch, etc?

 

[JoiseyMom]

DS26 got engaged last year. FDIL has been in our lives longer then our DS8!! DS26 has teases us over the years..you love her more then you love me..I nod and say YUP!

She is a wonderful girl and we love her so much, and her mom is also a sweetie. She has been calling me mom too, which I never expected and I find very sweet! I consider her my eldest daughter .

DS25, has a wonderful gf too. I met her for the first time when we visited DS in CA last year. She came with him this year to his brothers engagment party, and we got along like gangbusters! She is wonderful, and perfect for him. I am sad for her, because I think he will break her heart . I would love to friend her on facebook..but I am keeping my distance.

 

[Lynn CC]

We are thrilled my son has met a girl he really likes but we won't be able to meet her in person until June when we go visit him in Japan.

We have Skyped with her (DS translates) for us, she is so sweet. We are trying to learn as much Japanese as we can and she is learning English.
Japanese is so hard to learn for DH and I....

Hajimemashte! ( i couldn't spell it correctly because it kept editing it lol)

 

[cheermom1]

From a DIL point of view - we get along very well but we don't talk on a daily basis but she does live 3 hours away - I have gone on trips with her and our kids to the pool and shopping and other things just her and I ...even when we were dating at the ripe ole age of 19 LOL ....i really like my MIL ---my mom well that is whole nother thread..

 

[Steph1939]

I'll speak on behalf of the girlfriend. I'm painfully shy with a significant other's family, even after dating long-term.

I've been with my fiance for 6.5 years and I'm still quiet around his family. I'm better with his parents since right now I see them all the time but I'm still quiet around his three older sisters and their families. But, I'm quiet around some of my family too.