Do you have a crush on someone NOT your spouse?

[Hers]

If so, (and you DON'T intend to cheat), what do you do?

I have known my "crush" for about 13 years. I am married (17 years), he is now married (4 years).

We have flirted (I think) for all these years, but have NOT done anything more.

I do not want to destroy either of our marriages/families.

But whenever I see him, my heart just goes pitter-patter. And then I can't get him out of my head for months.

We belong to the same Faith, so we see each other often. Lately, I have not been coming to events, so I haven't seen him in a while. But I saw him last night at an event.

I only spoke with him a little bit, just about general life stuff - no flirting.

But now, sigh, I cannot get him out of my head.

What do I do????

I need Drain-O for my head (and heart).

Help.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[Scurvy]

If so, (and you DON'T intend to cheat), what do you do?

I have known my "crush" for about 13 years. I am married (17 years), he is now married (4 years).

We have flirted (I think) for all these years, but have NOT done anything more.

I do not want to destroy either of our marriages/families.

But whenever I see him, my heart just goes pitter-patter. And then I can't get him out of my head for months.

We belong to the same Faith, so we see each other often. Lately, I have not been coming to events, so I haven't seen him in a while. But I saw him last night at an event.

I only spoke with him a little bit, just about general life stuff - no flirting.

But now, sigh, I cannot get him out of my head.

What do I do????

I need Drain-O for my head (and heart).

Help.

I suspect that you'll get lots of answers that say crushes are normal and harmless, but. . .

No! I don't have a crush on anyone other than my husband.

My personal opinion is that if someone other than your spouse makes your heart go "pitter patter" then you should keep your distance from that person. I don't know that it's always bad for your relationship with your spouse if you have a crush on someone else, but I don't think it's good for it, either. A crush has the potential to lead to something more, especially if the other person has a crush on you, too.

If you truly do not want to destroy either of your marriages, then I think you need to cut this person out of your life. . . even if that means changing churches or otherwise changing aspects of your social life.

ETA - I can agree with LuvOrlando to a point. Admiring someone from afar is one thing, but when it's someone in your real life (as opposed to a celebrity) I don't think any good can come of it.

 

[dnoyes]

and welcome to the DIS by the way.

 

[WDWBarb]

Does Johnny Depp Count?

 

[dnoyes]

Does Johnny Depp Count?

Silly Barb, Johnny is a given.

 

[Reese'smom]

Yes, I have a crush on someone other than my DH. His name is Edward Cullen.

 

[WDWBarb]

Silly Barb, Johnny is a given.

 

[Buckalew11]

I think you dig deep within yourself and you stop feeding this infatuation.

I think you call upon the ultimate power of your faith and you ask for help. God knows your feelings so talking to God about it would not be like your secret is out. There is a promise in there that says that you'll never be given more than you can handle without a way out. People often forget that part but any temptation you face always has a way out.

You need to self talk positively about your marriage and your DH. You need to stop the flirting. You owe it to yourself, this man, his wife and your man.

Take any energy you put into this infatuation, fantasy or whatever you want to call it and put in into your marriage instead. The pay off is great. Do not waste your time, energy, marriage, or family on a situation that will only cause people heartache.

 

[suejai]

Yes I've had a couple of crushes other than my DH. Like a pp said it is the shiny new feeling, and the knowledge that it is forbidden that is so addicting. My DH knew all about them and had no problems, he said he thought it was cute. Trust is an amazing thing! Nothing ever happened beyond some pretty mild flirting, of course, and I just chose to move on because I would never do anything to hurt DH, and he knows it. It is fun up to a point, but you must decide that your relationship with your DH is more important than anything else and then it is easy to move on from the crush because there is no where else for it to go. Hope this helps.

Does your DH know. Maybe tell him you have a crush, it is amazing how it diffuses the feelings, it makes them seem downright silly. You have to decide if you can tell him though, not all DH's are as understanding of these kind things. I tell DH everything.

 

[Serena]

Yes, a couple people, but I'm not married or otherwise attacthed.

 

[MushyMushy]

Wait, you're not using your real screen name, but you want the rest of us to fess up???

Anyway, yes I have a crush. It's completely harmless. I've had a crush on him since 9th grade and my husband knows about it, even thinks it's funny. But he knows that I would never cross that line.

 

[alexandria674]

Does Johnny Depp Count?

In my book, he is a requirement crush.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

It's like cheesecake. I don't allow myself to consider it because it just leads to no good.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I don't know, I enjoy them and ride them out. I also know my husband has them too. (and yes, we do talk about them!). We even joked and had our LISTS. You know, THAT list? We both had famous people on them and it was all fun and games until I met one from my list! (Then husband changed the rules, darnit!)

It isn't like anything is going to happen.

If you even THINK for a second something WILL happen or you really want it to happen, then you are in trouble big time.

 

[Beca]

Yes...Alan Rickman!!!

I cannot imagine what I would do if I ever actually saw him in person....I get weak-kneed when I see him on-screen.

Oh....you meant REAL LIFE!!! No....no one compares to Alan Rickman (I'm probably supposed to say my dh here)!!! LOL!!!!

Seriously...I did have a crush on my vet several years ago. Unfortunately, I think he had a bigger crush on me. It was really weird. He would call me "just to talk" some nights between 10:30 and midnight. At first, I tried to convince myself that he just didn't have a whole lot of friends because he worked all the time, but one night my dh and I had gone out for dinner and a movie and we got home about 1AM. There was a message on the phone, and when I played it, it was my vet. He rambled on about pretty much nothing, and then at the end he said, "Well, I just have to tell you one more thing....I love you." And hung up the phone!! My dh pretty much hit the ceiling!! Oh my goodness....I didn't even know what to say!!

It was rough because for just a second my dh thought there might be more to the story than what I was saying. Shortly after that, my vet had some sort of breakdown and quit his job, so I never saw him again. It was so sad. He was a really nice guy (not to mention just absolutely adorably cute!!) I always kind of thought we were just harmless flirting, but I guess he wasn't taking it that way. It definitely taught me a lesson about flirting while married....not a good idea.

 

[emer95]

Yes, I have in the past, and it's not good.

I think there's a big difference between thinking someone is attractive, and not being able to get someone out of your head. That's when a line has been crossed. I read a book by Stormie O'Martian (wish I could remember the title. It was something about marriage). There was a line in there that resonated with me and I repeated it in my head over and over. When you have a crush on someone and it becomes something you can't stop thinking about, God considers it "adultery of the heart and fornication of the mind."

I sincerely wish you the best.

 

[Buckalew11]

emer95, could the book be "The Power of a Praying Wife (or maybe spouse?)" I haven't read them but know they are popular books.

I'm on 3 people's crush lists right now and it is not a comfy feeling. One doesn't bother me in the least. But the other 2 leave me feeling badly. I'm not flirty even. geez. One even told his wife. Of course, that makes sense to you all who tell your spouse everything but I was mortified! Honestly, it is flattering but I only want to be DH's crush.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

You have known this crush for quite some time, have you always had this crush?

If you haven't and its recent I would say spend more time with your DH and do fun things with him, that used to make your heart go pitter patter.

If you are even thinking about this, then I feel something is missing for you in your marriage. It could be something very small. Don't give in to your thoughts and as a PP stated pray and ask for guidance.

I wish you the best of luck!

 

[brockash]

I suspect that you'll get lots of answers that say crushes are normal and harmless, but. . .

No! I don't have a crush on anyone other than my husband.

My personal opinion is that if someone other than your spouse makes your heart go "pitter patter" then you should keep your distance from that person. I don't know that it's always bad for your relationship with your spouse if you have a crush on someone else, but I don't think it's good for it, either. A crush has the potential to lead to something more, especially if the other person has a crush on you, too.

If you truly do not want to destroy either of your marriages, then I think you need to cut this person out of your life. . . even if that means changing churches or otherwise changing aspects of your social life.

ETA - I can agree with LuvOrlando to a point. Admiring someone from afar is one thing, but when it's someone in your real life (as opposed to a celebrity) I don't think any good can come of it.

ITA. I'm sure you think (as anyone most likely would) that you'd never do anything, but I completely agree with this post. If you want to make sure nothing happens, you need to get yourself out of the situation.