Do you give a wedding gift to people who owe you money?

[safetymom]

How do you handle this? Thoughts or suggestions please.

 

[jobhunter]

It might depend on the amount. Is it significant? Do you feel like they aren't going to pay it back at this point? If you have been waiting a long time, then I would just give a card.

 

[Daxx]

OK ... I'd be tempted to write the following in the card:

"Congratulations on your special day! Since you were able to fork all this money over for the wedding and not pay me one red cent of the $$$ amount that you owe me, you can take 10% off of what you owe me and pay me back with your wedding gift money. The 10% off of what you owe me is my wedding gift to you. BTW -- I will be there after the wedding to watch you count the money and hand me over the cash you owe me! Have a great life!"

 

[breezy1077]

That's tough, but I think I would treat each as a separate thing. I'd give them a wedding gift, but it would not be a cash gift .

 

[safetymom]

Yes I have been waiting a long time for the money to be repaid. I don't think they have any intentions of paying it back.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

That's tough, but I think I would treat each as a separate thing. I'd give them a wedding gift, but it would not be a cash gift .

ITA. I would give them a gift, but it wouldn't be money.

OP - Maybe they need a gentle reminder of the money they owe you.

 

[jobhunter]

I would give a card with the gift of my signature in it then. Man that is tacky. I just don't understand why they think they don't need to repay it. Have you asked them for it back?
Sorry that happened to you! This would be a make or break for me, to be honest. I would probably not even acknowledge the wedding because that friendship would be over.

 

[safetymom]

If you don't give money what would you give?

Oh, they know they owe the money.

 

[Mady/Sophiemom]

I think I need more info.

Are they young people, or older people that should have their stuff together?
Are they going all out on an expensive wedding, or just a small affair?
Are they paying for the wedding, or is someone else?
Has the money been brought up to them? Not that I'm saying they should need reminded, but if it hasn't been brought up--do they think the loan was forgiven?

I think I would give a gift, but I know I would be tempted to ignore the whole thing.

 

[safetymom]

They know they owe it and have been reminded. The parents are paying for the wedding.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I know in my neck of the woods we give money as a wedding gift, however I have seen people give gifts at the weddings too. Maybe get them a photo frame.

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

If you don't give money what would you give?

Oh, they know they owe the money.

How much money are we talking about here? $100? $1000? Is it an amount that would considered a wedding gift? If so, I'd write on the card that your gift is the forgiveness of the loan, or perhaps a portion of it. Write how happy you are to have helped them financially reach this day and that you wish them many happy years together.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I think I would just give a card. They already owe you money so you don't "owe" them a thing for the wedding. I take it the amount of money they owe is significantly more than you would spend on a wedding gift?

 

[safetymom]

Yes the money owed is more than what a wedding gift would be.

 

[paigevz]

I'd give a gift, albeit not an expensive one........

 

[breezy1077]

Well, I wouldn't go all out. I would find something at a local specialty store - on sale big time. That way it's hard for them to tell what you paid for it, you've given a gift, but you didn't spend as much as you normally might. Otherwise, if you spend too much on the gift (if you're like me) it might irritate you for too long and you don't want that either. That's what I would do.

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

Is it alot of money? I'm assuming yes, but, if it weren't - say the amount a person might give a newly married couple as a wedding gift - I'd get a nice wedding card and write in it that my gift to them is forgiveness of the debt they owed me. Just to give 'em a jab. I wouldn't get my $$$ but I'd feel better.


The summer before DH & I got married his uncle gifted us $5000 to use towards the purchase of a condo and loaned us another $5000 that we were going to pay back after the wedding (in installments). At the reception he came up to us and said we didn't have to pay back the loaned $5000. Very generous!

 

[Mady/Sophiemom]

So I guess it's not like THEY are forking out tons of cash on a wedding in lieu of paying you back.

I would hope that they might use some of the wedding haul to pay off old loans--Maybe not though.

Are they in a position to be able to pay you back and just don't. I can understand your frustration.

I don't know what I'd do

 

[safetymom]

I am not feeling that nice that I would forgive the total amount of the loan as a wedding present.

 

[DawnCt1]

I am not feeling that nice that I would forgive the total amount of the loan as a wedding present.

I would forgive the amount that you are willing to spend on a gift and tell them that you expect the balance.