Do you get upset when your kid doesn't get invited to a birthday party?

[roliepolieoliefan]

Just found out the neighbor girl who is in DD's kindergarten class got invited to a birthday party to a kids party from their kindergarten class and DD didn't.

I know I should be happy . I don't have to buy another present. Especially since DD already has a party this Sunday, DS has a party next Saturday and DD has another party the next Sunday .

DD gets invited to parties this little girl doesn't get invited to but then why am I so bothered bythis. Gees! She's 6 for goodness sake. But why do I keep wondering, why didn't she get invited? Doesn't this kid like my daughter? She's a nice kid, why wasn't she invited?

Just call me an idiot, if I'm being one,,,Please!

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

I'm sure I will be the same way. DS just turned 1 so I have a while before that starts, but I'm sure I'll be upset when the time comes!

 

[frkymcky]

You're not an idiot, just a protective mom who wants to make sure her child isn't hurt by things. Let me ask, what is your DD's feelings about this?

It has happened to my DD7, but I explain that everyone cannot invite all the children in the class and sometimes you have to choose the ones you are closer with. We invited my DD 1st grade class to her party but she wanted to invite some of the other kids from her kindergarten class who are no longer with her in 1st grade. We did, but I told her we shouldn't annouce this to the other children because we didn't want to hurt anyones feelings.

It stinks for sure, but I think how we handle it and explain to our children is what really matters. You and she will be fine, remember you are a good mom!!!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

You're not an idiot, just a protective mom who wants to make sure her child isn't hurt by things. Let me ask, what is your DD's feelings about this?

It has happened to my DD7, but I explain that everyone cannot invite all the children in the class and sometimes you have to choose the ones you are closer with. We invited my DD 1st grade class to her party but she wanted to invite some of the other kids from her kindergarten class who are no longer with her in 1st grade. We did, but I told her we shouldn't annouce this to the other children because we didn't want to hurt anyones feelings.

It stinks for sure, but I think how we handle it and explain to our children is what really matters. You and she will be fine, remember you are a good mom!!!

I'm not sure if she knows that she's not invited. The girl next door just got the invitation today. But since we live next door, I would assume if DD was invited she would have got her invitation in the mail today too.

DD hasn't expressed anything either way, if she's upset or not. Or like I said, if she even knows she's not invited.

The neighbor girls grandma mentioned it to me today I guess assuming DD got invited to, but then I told her, I guess she didn't. It does upset me though because DD really wanted this same little girl at her birthday party.

 

[mamaLori05]

I wouldn't let it bother you too much. I think it is a natural feeling, but try not to let it bother you. Some people don't do big birthday parties, and some are having to cut back due to financial reasons. I'm sure it is nothing personal! Birthday parties can be expensive and you have to draw the line somewhere. I'm sure the birthday child likes your dd, but she may have only been allowed to invite her closest friends. I'm sure it wasn't meant to make anyone feel bad.

On a side note, I knew of a mother that once crashed a birthday party with her ds. He had not been invited (because he was a handful) and she brought him to the party and said something to the effect that he hadn't been invited and wanted to know if he could go anyway. Now that is GUTSY, and rude. I think most parents feel a little bummed if they find out their child wasn't invited to a party, it's the mother bear in us, but that was really CRAZY! I just had to share that story because I had never heard of anythign like that before.

 

[sksjasams]

This happened to us once or twice when DS11 was in 1st or 2nd grade. I wouldn't have even known except another friend's mom mentioned the party. It was awkward saying DS wasn't invited. I just had to push it out of my head. DS wasn't bothered at all, and I made light of it saying I'm sure there was a limit as to how many kids could be invited, just like there is a limit when DS has his parties. The older the kids get, the friendship groups do get more clearly defined, there are less parties overall, and DS is always invited to the same kids birthdays, that he invites to his. Try not to let it bug you, really...

 

[connorlevismom]

That is so hard. DS is 5 and has not had this problem yet but I know that he will at some point.

Personally, I could not imagine not inviting the whole class but that is just me. I do understand that there are budgets to think about, but I would at least say something or write something in the invites to keep it quiet if not everyone was invited. But I suppose the kids will talk about it at school so that would not really work either.

Well, use it as a learning tool and maybe do something fun with her that day if she is feeling sad about it.

Kristine

 

[jenb1023]

Yes, I understand!

However, I wanted to point out that it probably has nothing to do with your DD at all. For my DD's most recent party, we had it at a venue that only allowed 10 kids. It was very hard to narrow it down to 10 and we worried about hurting feelings but hoped that people would understand. So it most likely is for financial or venue space reasons and nothing to do with her.

I have also found out about two parties DD was not invited to and some of her friends were. In one case, it simply is because my DD was friends with the birthday girls friends and not really with the birthday girl and the other was due to the size of the venue. I was a little hurt for my dd but I know that it isn't personal. Now, if she never got invited to any parties or playdates at all, then I would worry that it was her (or me)!

 

[zoemurr]

That is so hard. DS is 5 and has not had this problem yet but I know that he will at some point.

Personally, I could not imagine not inviting the whole class but that is just me. I do understand that there are budgets to think about, but I would at least say something or write something in the invites to keep it quiet if not everyone was invited. But I suppose the kids will talk about it at school so that would not really work either.

Well, use it as a learning tool and maybe do something fun with her that day if she is feeling sad about it.

Kristine

Some time you might change your mind about the "whole class" thing.
When my DD turned 7 we invited all the girls in her class because she was new and didn't have a close group of friends. She asked me repeatedly not to, but of course I knew better. There were a few girls who were rather unpleasant and ruined some of the activities. After they left my DD looked at me and said, "I told you we shouldn't have invited everyone." I would never exclude just one, but I think only inviting your friends and having a limit is fine. Now she is turning 11 she has the same 4-5 friends that she will always invite and we know she will go to theirs.

To the OP: I would be sad too, but that kind of thing never really bothered DD. She would rather have a few close friends than deal with the masses. She's in middle school now and it gets so much worse. Save your stressing for later..

 

[hereyago]

No, I wouldn't get upset. Nowadays, we are too pc, we also don't want our kids to have bad things happen, which in the real world, isn't realistic. They will live if they don't get invited.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

If the invitations are handed out at school, then the whole class should be invited (or all the boys or girls) to avoid hurt feelings. Since this family sent invitations in the mail, I don't think they were obligated to invite all of the kids in the class. They could be having a party that can only accommodate a limited number of kids and had to pick and choose who to invite. I think you'll find that this is less of an issue as kids get older. When my son was younger, he got invited to lot of parties, some for kids he didn't know that well but were in his class. Now that he's in 5th grade, his class size is larger (30 vs. 20 in the lower grades). It's no longer feasible for parents to invite the entire class. And the kids don't want to go to everyone's parties. They settle on a core group of friends that they want to play with and those are the kids they invite to their parties.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

If the invitations are handed out at school, then the whole class should be invited (or all the boys or girls) to avoid hurt feelings. Since this family sent invitations in the mail, I don't think they were obligated to invite all of the kids in the class. They could be having a party that can only accommodate a limited number of kids and had to pick and choose who to invite. I think you'll find that this is less of an issue as kids get older. When my son was younger, he got invited to lot of parties, some for kids he didn't know that well but were in his class. Now that he's in 5th grade, his class size is larger (30 vs. 20 in the lower grades). It's no longer feasible for parents to invite the entire class. And the kids don't want to go to everyone's parties. They settle on a core group of friends that they want to play with and those are the kids they invite to their parties.

I understand the concept. I have a DS in 5th grade and I understand not all kids get invited to everything.

Even though it doesn't seem to be effecting DD in the least, I'm still thinking about it. I seem to be the one bothered not her.

One of her BFF's is having a birthday party the same day as this one, so she probably couldn't have gone anyhow. So then why am I being such a dufus?

 

[mjkacmom]

This happened here recently to dd7. This girl was in her class last year, she's been over our home twice this year, and all of dd7's other friends were invited (both from the girl's classs and dd's class). All her friends kept asking her if she was going. My mom also works in a small office with this girl's dad (4 people), and I went to school with him, and we're friendly.

The day after the party, her dad apologized to my mom, because they just forgot her (we've done this when a child is in another class). At least I could tell dd that it was a mistake.

 

[scrappingizlife]

Don't feel bad, she may have a mother like me. When DS had his party, I told him he could invite 3 friends. I didn't want a bunch of 10 yr olds running around my house. I don't like being responsible for other people's kids.

 

[taximomfor4]

doesn't upset me at all, since it isn't my party.

 

[2004champs]

I just try an explain to my DD that you can't be invited to everyone's birthday party. We had to cut the list down to 10 this year.

 

[Princess Roo]

It's so tough! DS is in PreK and he got invited to one child's party where only 3 kids from the class were invited. That was awkward, because some feelings were hurt as the kids inevitably talk about the party. Then more recently there was another party where DS wasn't invited but a few other kids were, and his feelings were hurt.

But, as his own birthday approaches, there is no way we're inviting all 20 kids in his class (or even all 14 boys) in addition to his other neighborhood and family friends not in the class. Just too crazy! So, we're stuck with the dilemma of whether we tell him he can't invite anyone from that class (he'll be going to K with a different group of kids anyways, and has about 10 friends/siblings in the nbhd who could come to a party) or letting him pick his 3 or 4 closest friends and hurt other kids' feelings.

I guess what I'm saying is that birthdays are tough at this age as they just start to realize about being included/excluded, and as moms we want our kids to just be happy, but it can't always be that way.

 

[Samar]

I might be a little miffed only because at that age, if they play with each other or go to the same class, that the party might be the talk of the day when they're together again. And the kid that was left out would come home bummed out.

I either invite all or none when planning my kids parties at this age. Probably in middle school and upwards, we'll decrease the guest list to just best buds since they'll be old enough to realize who their friends are at that point.

Every person is different but maybe if you take your DD out for a special outing on the day of the party, she'll be able to tell the rest of them what fun she had while the others had to stay at the party

 

[Cynsational]

All or none? Really? I'm kind of stunned that people are able to host a party for an entire class of kids. I never had a party like that growing up; neither did my husband (nor any of our classmates) from middle class families. Now, however, I know people who use credit to pay for children's birthday parties. $275 for 1.5 hours at a play gym (not including cake and favours). Or movies and snacks for an entire class. My mind just boggles.

We don't have that kind of space and certainly not the money to go somewhere with 20 or more kids. Feelings may get hurt, but we will never be in a position to do that and I don't think there's anything wrong with limiting the guest list. Life will have disappointments. There is no avoiding that.

 

[Samar]

It helps immensely that there are 14 children in DD's class and 11 in DS's. For DS's party, CEC covered all of the kids and a couple more. DD was misbehaving this past year so I did not have a party for her but I did order a cake, bring juice and utensils and make goodie bags for her class.

We do not use credit cards and we also do not go all out on gifts. Life is full of disappointments but if some can be avoided while they're little, then why not?

Like I said, to each their own. It's like Disney in a way. Some people go the bare minimum route and some go all out and some go the happy medium. It's what's best for their situation at the time. I certainly wouldn't hold it against anyone who scrapped parties altogether since I have done the same but I know that *my* children would be in tears if they were left out of something like a party. That's just my 2 cents.