Do you enforce the school's rules?

[HSMndLKfan92]

I have to laugh. I don't have any problems with the dress code, except for the fact that my shorts have to be long because I have longer arms. The point is, my mom really doesn't have to go after me for dress code issues.

However, I laugh because I sometimes text my mom during class. >.<
Go ahead and flame away, but most of the time its important information that I'd otherwise forget to tell her, or her reminding me do to something.

 

[padams]

I am the biggest rule follower. It's just my personality. That being said, if I were you, I'd let school deal with the dress code issues so you don't have to be the mean stepmom. You've warned him; let him suffer the consequences if they are any. Maybe the school really doesn't enforce it.

 

[NotUrsula]

I think that natural consequences are the best route, except that you shouldn't have to pay yourself in order to let him experience them. If the school would normally make him go home and change in addition to whatever punishment is meted out for breaking the rule, then you need to be sure that there is an extra plain t-shirt in his school bag so that he can change without bothering you.

Most of all, I guess I feel that if he wants to take the chance on defying rules, then you and your DH need to agree that he takes whatever consequences the school levies as a result. No calling and arguing that the enforcement is unfair, even if you feel that it is.

 

[princessmom29]

I think if your biggest problem is a dress code violation then good for you! He may very well be telling the truth about the school not enforcing the rule, because no one wears anything inapproiate for school. I wish I worked in a district where we could allow students to wear "Street clothes" to school. Someone upthread said dress codes were stupid, and for a normal, rational parent who polices their child's clothes they are. We don't have parents like that. Our kids show up in clothing better suited to a nightclub or the bedroom. It is seriously disruptive, and the reason our public school system went to uniforms about 10 years ago. Any time we have an out of uniform day we spend a LOT of time calling parents to come get children who are dress to go clubbing. The guidelines for out of uniform days are clearly spelled out, but are ignored as was the dress code before uniforms, even when there were consequences like suspensions. It had gotten to the point that administration was spending more time dealing with dress code than anything else. Now everyone wears a white shirt khakis, and black shoes. We don't often have to call a parent over uniforms. It has made a huge difference in our school climate.

 

[dis-happy]

He's 10 and arguing with his parents about following the school rules? Personally, I'd want to nip this behavior. What happens when he's 16 and driving and all his friends go 100 mph. One solution: remove all the banned items of clothing from his closet and into your room since he's not able to discern what is and isn't allowed. When he's assured you he can handle knowing the difference and be willing to do follow the rules without arguing, then he can have them back. Really, it's less about the school rules and more about the lack of respect for what a parent is telling him that would concern me.

signed,
mom of a 21 year old, 16 year old and 9 year old (almost 10)

 

[mickeyboat]

First, as you know, this is your DH's battle to fight with his DS.

Second, I am a major rule follower, too. If following the rule is not going to cause my kids harm, and I can see some value in the rule, I have no problem requiring my kids to follow it.

 

[Sgstuckey]

I say enforce the rules. Certainly you would prefer for your step-son's teacher(s) to spend the time he is at school on more important things like learning...

FWIW-I have the same argument with my DD14 frequently. But it is my job as a parent to enforce the rules. When she is at school, I want her to be learning. Furthermore, I really want teachers to do their job - teach.

 

[Bluestars]

We are rule followers in our family. I would never let my kids go to school in something that is not in the dress code. They never have.

My kids' dress code is very strict. They can only wear a certain kind of pants and shirts. The boys have to wear a belt everyday with the shirt tucked in. I like the dress code. If a kid shows up out of the dress code, their parents have to go to the school with the proper clothing.

I wouldn't let my kids break any school rule. It must be a pain at certain schools if they have to constantly worry about kids who break the rules like that. It's disrespectful to the staff at the school, IMO.

So no, I wouldn't let my child go to school in something that isn't allowed.

 

[Art 1]

We have no choice. They have a school uniform, if it's not properly worn they would be thrown out. Also there are rules for hair and jewelry. Not following the dress code is just something that's not done at this school.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I am not that big of a "rule follower" if I think the rules are stupid. That's just me.

We don't have much of a dress code here ... thank goodness because they fall in the "stupid" category for me. If I were in your shoes, I would not continue to argue. I would put the ball in his court and allow him to make the choice to break the rules and he will suffer any consequences from his actions. By the time kids are 10-years old they should be able to make their own choices on non-life threatening decisions like wearing a shirt that may cause problems at school. Obviously, he does not believe that there is a problem with it and either he is right and he won't get into trouble or he's wrong and he'll suffer the consequences.

FWIW, I would not hesitate to point out that I thought the shirt is a problem before he goes to school and if/when he is punished at school I would not hesitate a "I told you so!".

I think that is fair. I am not much of one for stupid rules, either. (Although I usually follow them!) I would always encourage him to wear appropriate clothing, but after that, let him deal with the consequences. If the school gets fussy, refer them to dad.

 

[design_mom]

I am a rule follower, too. And I hate, hate, hate when there are rules that aren't enforced. If you're not going to enforce it, don't have the rule.

We have not had too many arguments with DS about school clothes, but our school has a rule against toys/electronics (Nintendo DS, Pokemon cards, Bakugan, etc.) being brought to school. They do not enforce it. DS wants to take his stuff to school, too.

I told him that we follow the rules in our house... but I offered to write a letter to the teacher asking if the rule was still a rule. If the teacher said it was fine, I would be willing to let him take his stuff even though the handbook said no. He said "never mind." He *didn't* want me to write the letter... and he hasn't brought it up since.